Kevin Smith | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von

Excitement is in the air as new tour dates drop—get ready to see your favorite filmmaker live and support the journey!

All right, I've got new tour dates to let you know about. The cities include Oklahoma City, North Little Rock, Springfield Missouri, Kansas City Missouri, Sioux Falls South Dakota, La Crosse Wisconsin, Green Bay, Moline Illinois, Colorado Springs Colorado, Casper Wyoming, Billings Montana, Missoula Montana, Bloomington Indiana, Columbus Ohio, Champaign Illinois, Grand Rapids Michigan, Lafayette Louisiana, and Bont Texas.

I'm excited to get up there! All tickets are available through theo.com. Make sure to go through there so you are getting directly priced tickets and ensure you're not on a secondhand site. Thank you so much for your support; we're excited to come visit!

Today's guest is a filmmaker, writer, speaker, and comic book aficionado. You know him from his films Clerks, Mallrats, Jay and Silent Bob, Dogma, Tusk, and the list goes on. He has a new film out now called The 430 Movie, which is loosely based on his childhood in New Jersey. I'm thankful to spend time today with Mr. Kevin Smith.

[Music]

I'll sit and tell you my stories, and I will find a song I will sing. Yeah, look at me, I'm in monochrome. Is that what that print is? Oh, black and white? Oh, monochrome is black and white? Okay, sweet! Yeah, I didn't know that. I mean, I've heard of it before, but yeah, you're a smart guy.

Yeah, okay, yeah, I'm not... Yeah, I mean, don't sweat it. You knew monochrome; it was just one of those things you didn't need, and then it happened, and you're like, "Why didn't I?" But you did. Yeah, I've seen you speak; you're no dummy. It was always in there somewhere.

Yeah, yeah, probably used it. You probably busted it once or twice in your life. Oh, I've definitely... I mean, I've been involved in some like... it's not ra... it's like the most racial of screens if it's monochrome, right? It's black and white kind of... it's the apartheid of print. Yeah, I scream it when I come; I'm like, "Monochrome!" because Clerks was in black and white. So everything ties back to Clerks.

Oh, only Clerks. The only way I could come now is thinking of Clerks. Well, I love the Mallrats shoes, man. Those are so... that's really cool. Did we start?

Yeah, we'll start. Who made those? Are we started? Yeah, we can. Is that okay? Yeah, that's totally cool. I modern podcasting; I've not gotten the hang of like... we started back in like 2007. We were doing SM and there was always like, "Welcome to this podcast. I'm Kevin Smith of Scott Mosier." So there was an official beginning, but lately, any podcast I've been on, you're just bullshitting, and all of a sudden, you're five minutes into a conversation, and I'm like, "Oh, I bet you we started."

Yeah, sometimes it's like... I think sometimes in some places, things are a little more formal. I don't know; sometimes I feel like if you start, if I say start, then it doesn't go... I don't know what I mean. You're a director; what is that like?

Well, it depends who you ask. I like to think of a director, but you go on the internet, they'll tell you a lot of different things. He was a director maybe once in this... every day online, somebody tells me I'm terrible at my job for the last 30 years that I've been doing the job.

You know what? That's what... were you maybe... you don't... you're like, "I've never gotten a bad review." Do you dig into your comments?

Yeah, no, we don't. I don't dig into too much, man. I was actually talking to Joe Rogan; I spoke with him recently, and he was saying, "Don't read the good stuff; don't read the bad stuff."

Bro, are we going to start dropping names this early in the cast? I mean, you just whipped that out like a... yeah, like... who are you, Louis CK? I wasn't ready for that! All of a sudden, we're talking Joe Rogan and...

No, that's... are you a Joe Rogan guy? Like, are you guys tight and whatnot? I haven't been on his show since he moved to Austin, not because I'm like... but Austin's pretty far.

But wait a second, yeah, it's far. What? Why are we here? Like, I thought you were a Nashville person.

Yeah, I live in Nashville. Yeah, but we kept our studio here, and so sometimes we tape here. So you live in... do you live in Nashville?

I live in Tennessee, yeah, full-time. Where in Tennessee? I live just like right outside of the city; I live kind of by like Lipscomb High School, near Nashville.

Yeah, I love Tennessee a lot. They like us there quite a bit. Like, I was just in Kingsport because we did the Smoky Mountain FanFest, and then like a month before that, I was in Knoxville.

=> 00:05:12

Choosing veganism saved my life, not just my diet. It's about health, not judgment.

Are you a Joe Rogan guy? Are you guys tight and whatnot? I haven't been on his show since he moved to Austin, not because I'm like [] him, but Austin's pretty [] far. But wait a second, why are we here? I thought you were a Nashville person.

Yeah, I live in Nashville. I live in Tennessee full-time, just right outside of the city, near Lipscomb High School. I connect with Tennessee a lot; they like us there quite a bit. I was just in Kingsport for the Smoky Mountain FanFest, and a month before that, I was in Knoxville. Anytime I go out and do shows, that's generally a place that I've always wound up.

Can I tell you a [__] story real quick? Recently, I was in Kentucky and did a show in Lexington. Lexington is awesome—beautiful! So, when I’m there, I have to mention that I’m vegan. I hate saying that because everyone’s like, [__] you now; I’m eating twice as much meat. I’m like, alright, that’s on you. People get really tight about it.

But I went vegan because I had a heart attack six and a half years ago. It helped me a lot. I used to be happy, now I'm [__] vegan, so it's just part of what I do. I don’t try to push it on people. When I started smoking weed back in the day, I was definitely like, “Oh my God, you should try this.” But I don’t proselytize about veganism because people get really triggered by the word.

If someone asks me how I lost that [__] weight, I tell them I went vegan after my heart attack. That’s how the weight went away, not because I necessarily tried. Although I do now walk over 10,000 steps a day. I thought I’d do it for a few months and then go back, but I never went back.

Can you still have house plants if you're a vegan, or is that like a weird question? Absolutely! I’m sure I am on some level an ethical vegan who should think about that. I do love animals, so that’s part of why it’s easy for me to be vegan. But I didn’t do it because it’s the right thing to do; I did it to save my [__] life.

What were we going with that house plant thing though? Oh, I just didn’t know if you were like a plant-based person who only eats plants. The idea is that I can’t have a plant-based diet because I’d be like, “Well, this is my friend, but I’m going to eat him.” It would seem like having a fish tank and being a pescatarian.

At some point, they’re going to catch on, you know what I’m saying? The plants are going to start leaning out and get defensive. That’s where the Venus flytrap came from—a plant that was like, “I must defend myself against a vegan.”

That reminds me of one of the craziest movies I ever heard about when I was a kid: Little Shop of Horrors. It was a weird musical about a Venus flytrap called Audrey 2. It had a plant that came from outer space. You didn’t lose a lot of sleep over it, did you? No, I didn’t. I don’t think it scared me; it was just interesting.

It was a little bit before my time. I grew up on the East Coast, so I saw the musical Off-Broadway. Wow, so it was a big musical first before it became a movie? Yes, it was a big deal.

There’s a picture of it right there. It was a big puppet on stage. Again, modern podcasts have a screen, and you spend an inordinate amount of time looking at images and videos. That was something that never occurred to us in 2007. We just talked to each other, and there was also no real video component. That was the attraction of doing the podcast.

=> 00:08:50

Podcasting started as a fun conversation, but it evolved into a business when the bills came in.

On the East Coast, I had the opportunity to see the musical before it became a movie. It was a big musical first, and I remember it being a big ass puppet on stage. There’s a picture of it right there, and it looks like the stage show. It's interesting to note that in 2007, we didn’t have the modern podcasting tools you guys have now, like a screen to look at images and videos. We just talked to each other and used our imagination, as there was no real video component. The attraction of doing the podcast back then was that I could just dress however I am, similar to voicing animation.

You all have really gotten it down to a science. When I visited Tom's place, I noticed that you all offered free drinks. I was just out there, and they asked if I wanted water, which is standard, but then they offered Celsius. I was surprised to see a Celsius cooler stocked more than a 7-Eleven. I wondered, whose dick are you sucking to get that much Celsius? What am I doing wrong? Theo, I don’t know, maybe it’s because I’m vegan; you know, you just don’t swallow the meat, you put it in your mouth but don’t swallow.

I’ve been doing this podcast thing for a while, but I still can’t figure out how to get it down to a science. I was one of the early guys in podcasting, and I thought I was so smart because I had this idea: we would do all these podcasts for free, and then when I was in their town doing live shows, that’s when they would buy tickets. That was my strategy from the beginning. It wasn’t even a strategy; it just started because I thought it was fun. Moer and I were just sitting around, goofing off, having fun conversations with a microphone.

We always took snapshots of people, but nobody really records a normal conversation. If you’re on TV, sure, but that’s why I loved podcasting—the idea of capturing those moments. One day, we had a lot of people listening to the podcast, and my business manager informed me that we had a bill for something called a server, which was really high. I was shocked because podcasting is free for everyone except the podcaster. We were hosting on our own server, so we had to figure out how to pay for it. I suggested we could start doing live shows.

In those early days, we were trying to reverse engineer what they did on TV. For example, on the game show 21, they had Geritol as a sponsor. We thought we should get an advertiser. We had been watching TV our whole lives, but when we were doing the podcast, it was less about getting paid to say things about products like they did in the 50s. It was a hard way of learning.

It got even harder when we reached out to our first sponsor, Fleshlight. They had written me a letter after Zach and Miri Make a Porno, where we had a whole Fleshlight scene. They said, “Hey man, if you ever want to do a Fleshlight ad, let us know.” I thought it was cute at the time. When we needed to pay the server bill, I suggested to Scott Moer that we reach out to Fleshlight to see if they would sponsor our shows. They were really into it. This was so early in the game—we're talking like 2007.

=> 00:12:32

Sometimes a fan and a hater can find common ground in unexpected places.

In a conversation about the evolution of podcasts and their sponsorships, the speaker reflects on a unique idea: "do a Fleshlight like [__] let us know." They humorously mention the possibility of creating a "Kevin Smith's mouth" Fleshlight, suggesting that both fans and critics could appreciate such a product. The speaker notes that "a fan and an enemy" could both enjoy it, emphasizing the duality of audience reactions.

The discussion shifts to a memorable moment when they received a "really lovely letter" from Fleshlight. Initially, they filed it away, thinking it was cute. However, when they needed to pay a server bill, the speaker proposed reaching out to Fleshlight for sponsorship. To their surprise, "they were way into it," and this occurred around 2007, maybe on the cusp of 2008. The speaker recalls a conversation with Joe Rogan in 2010, where Rogan asked if he should use Fleshlight for the show. The speaker encouraged him, saying, "number one use it for your dick; it's amazing," and "number two definitely use it for the show." This partnership led to increased sales for Fleshlight, with the speaker noting that "Joe Rogan shattered the glass ceiling for Fleshlight."

Reflecting on their live shows, the speaker reminisces about their "evening with Kevin Smith" format, where they would engage in crowd work, allowing the audience to ask questions. They explain that a server is essential for hosting podcasts, as it allows files to be distributed to the world. They hosted their podcasts on the "vcu.com server," which was already up and running. At that time, platforms like Apple Podcasts didn’t exist, making distribution feel almost archaic, likening it to "distributing podcasts via carrier pigeon."

The speaker recounts their experience of wanting to perform podcasts live, asking their agent to help book gigs. However, many venues were hesitant, questioning the concept of a podcast. They faced challenges securing shows, as venues were unsure of the format. After their first tour, the audience's positive response confirmed that "doing it with a live audience was this weird experience."

The conversation also touches on the stigma surrounding podcasts in earlier years. The speaker recalls a time when mentioning podcasts would lead to judgment, with people labeling them as "outliers" or worse. They humorously mention the rise of vigilante videos targeting inappropriate behavior, referencing Chris Hansen, who is known for his work in this area. The speaker notes the prevalence of such videos, indicating a shift in societal perceptions and the normalization of podcasting as a medium.

=> 00:16:15

Podcasting has transformed from a niche hobby to a mainstream phenomenon, but with great reach comes darker trends that raise serious concerns.

In the podcast, the discussion revolves around the evolution of communication, particularly in the realm of video and audio. The conversation touches on the stigma that once surrounded certain individuals, where if someone mentioned a person involved in inappropriate behavior, they would be labeled as an outlier or, worse, a pervert. The term "ped cast" is introduced, highlighting the prevalence of videos online that expose individuals attempting to meet underage girls, often set in locations like Walmart.

The podcast hosts reflect on the rise of vigilante justice in this area, mentioning Chris Hansen, who is recognized for his work in exposing these offenders. They note that this has become a significant trend, with countless videos surfacing that depict individuals caught in the act of attempting to meet minors. The hosts acknowledge the dark nature of this phenomenon, but they also express their fascination with how it has evolved into a business model for content creators seeking views.

The conversation shifts to the film "Tusk," where the main character is a podcaster. The hosts reminisce about the reviews they received, noting that at the time, podcasting was not as mainstream as it is today. They mention how shows like "Only Murders in the Building" have made podcasting a central theme, illustrating its massive growth. However, one of the hosts admits, "I’ve never figured out how to make money from it," indicating the challenges that come with monetizing podcasts.

A surprising topic arises when one host mentions receiving a Celsius fridge. The other host is intrigued and demands details, as this seems to be an impressive feat. The conversation reveals that they had a sponsorship with Celsius, which led to the fridge being sent to them. They joke about the identity of "Celsius," referring to it as "the empress Celsius."

One host shares a personal anecdote about their daughter, who introduced them to Celsius as a vegan energy drink. During a podcast recording, the host mentions consuming ten cans in one day, prompting concern from their daughter about the health implications. She quickly researched online and warned that one should not exceed two cans a day, highlighting the potential dangers of energy drinks.

The hosts reflect on their experiences with energy drinks, with one recalling a friend who used to work for Red Bull. They discuss the existence of a hotline for those who may have consumed too much, illustrating the serious side of energy drink consumption. The conversation concludes with a commentary on how our lives are increasingly interconnected through technology, with devices like watches and cell phones linking seamlessly to other aspects of our daily routines.

=> 00:19:51

Life can change in an instant; sometimes it takes a wake-up call to realize what truly matters.

My friend Brad used to work for Red Bull, and he would tell me stories that were truly unbelievable. You’ve never met anybody who has run into such a wild crowd. I watch videos that are on the dark web, and I think to myself, “I’ve never met anyone like that.” Not in one day, not even in one week. I mean, I have a couple of friends who probably have had similar experiences, but we just haven’t talked about it, I guess.

One thing that I was thinking about was what Brad mentioned regarding Red Bull. He said that there’s a 1-800 number for people who have had too much Red Bull or whatever. They call it saying, “Help! Help me! What do I do?” It’s interesting how the devices in our lives are so connected these days. Whether it’s your watch connected to your thermostat or your cell phone helping run the lights in your home, the world is getting smarter. Your e-commerce business should too.

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Now, let me share a story about my wife and an experience we had with weed. Once, we were on the bus in St. Louis doing some shows. I had a bus during those days because I wouldn’t fly after getting thrown off an airplane for being too fat. I traveled by bus, and everyone would say, “You’re like Madden,” but I don’t follow sports, so I didn’t know what that meant.

Did they pull a scale out, or how did they even do it? The way I understand it, years after the fact, was that someone in the industry told me what happened. They never flat out told me. It was a packed flight, and I wasn’t even supposed to be on that flight. I was supposed to go on the next one, but they had room, so I thought, “Oh, I’ll get on this one.”

When I walked down the jetway, one guy asked, “Where are you going?” I replied, “They gave me a ticket; I’m getting on.” He said, “No, there are too many already.” I insisted that the lady just gave me this ticket. So, I walked onto the plane and sat down between two women in the bulkhead. I was definitely heavier than I am now.

“How much do you think you weighed?” someone asked. I probably weighed my area code, which was 323. At one point, I was as high as 330 or 334. Now, I look like a healthy 185. I live between 185 and 200, depending on whether it’s a bread week or not. If I’m “breading up,” I tend to bloat and stuff.

That was after my heart attack. I was terrified of dying, but actually, I wasn’t that scared during the heart attack itself. I was always scared of dying, but when I was on the table...

=> 00:24:16

Embrace the moment and find peace in the face of uncertainty; life is a journey, and every ending is just a new beginning.

The conversation began with a reflection on seat belts and armrests, leading to a discussion about weight. The speaker mentioned, "I was definitely way heavier than I am now." When asked about their weight, they humorously replied, "I probably weighed my area code which was 323." They further elaborated, "I was as high as 330, 334 at one point. I think that's the biggest I went." Currently, they maintain a weight of between 185 and 200, depending on whether it’s a "bread week or not." They explained, "If I'm breading up, then I could kind of tend to bloat up and stuff."

The speaker recounted their experience following a heart attack, stating, "I was so terrified of dying." Surprisingly, during the heart attack, they felt "cool about it" despite their long-standing fear of death. They recalled being on the operating table when their cardiologist, Dr. Ladenheim, informed them, "You're having what they call a Widow Maker heart attack." The speaker, feeling somewhat disoriented from the medication, asked, "What is it?" Dr. Ladenheim explained, "It means in 80% of the cases where the patient has what you have, the patient always dies, but you're going to be in the 20% because I'm good at my job."

The speaker humorously described the procedure, noting, "That's how they get to your heart is through your dick." They clarified, "They technically don't go through your dick but it's right next to you." They continued, "So they went right through the femoral to the heart," and added, "You know how they're always telling you like I wait at a man's heart, his stomach? Right through the dick—science right there."

As they lay on the table, the speaker confronted the reality of their situation, acknowledging, "All the damage had been done—whatever I'd eaten, my genetics, whatever led me to that moment." They reflected, "I just started facing the fact like since I was looking up, I was like this might be the last ceiling I see for the rest of my life." When asked what they were wearing, the speaker revealed, "I was wearing a hockey jersey because I was doing a stand-up special that eventually came out called That Happened."

They described the moment leading up to the heart attack, explaining, "We shot our first show, then I went backstage and we had an hour before the next show, and in that hour, that's when it all happened." They recalled feeling "sweaty" and unable to "quite catch my breath." While lying on the table, they found a sense of peace with the idea of dying, comparing it to "graduation" from high school. "If I could leave this world and high school was fun, I hated to see it end," they mused, "there's an ending to everything."

The speaker concluded with a sense of acceptance, stating, "I had my time, and this is it," reflecting on their life positively. "I had a real good life, better than most," they said, and humorously added, "You look handsome for a dying guy, not bad right?" They acknowledged that they had just come off stage, noting, "No makeup is still... but still." Ultimately, they embraced the notion that if this was the end, "this is it," and advised, "Don't be the last guy at the party.

=> 00:27:31

Embrace the end with gratitude; life is a beautiful journey, and knowing when to let go is part of the ride.

Of course, there's an ending to everything. There was a song, "Turn! Turn! Turn!" You got this, yeah, The Beatles? Well, I think it was The Byrds, but regardless, somebody will look it up for you. So, I was lying there, and I was cool with the notion of dying. I had come to total peace with it, where I was like, “You know what, man? Like, I had my time, and this is it. I had a real good life, better than most, with some cool experiences and whatnot.” There I was, thinking, “Wow, if this is the case, you look handsome for a dying guy. Not bad, right?”

Well, I was on stage previously, right? Oh, that's true; I had just come right off stage, no makeup still, but still. So, I thought, “If this is it, this is it, you know? Like, you push back from the table; don't be the last guy at the party that's like, ‘Hey man, you got two more beers?’ Like, f* off!** You had your time.” So, I was cool with that. I was okay with dying, utterly at peace. I was like, “If it ends, it ends.”

Did you talk to anybody before? Sorry, just the doctor. Just the dude who was in my crotch. Did you write a note to a kid or to your children? No, because it all happened so fast. My wife wasn't there; the kid wasn't there. They didn't find out until after the fact. The only thing was they had to get me on the table immediately. As soon as I got to the hospital, they picked me up from the Alex Theater in Glendale and took me. They were supposed to take me to a closer hospital as per the shoot schedule. Whenever you shoot a thing, there's a designated hospital to go to if somebody gets hurt.

That hospital was closer, but the First Responders, the Medics, picked me up and saved my life. I don't even know their names; I got to figure it out. You know what? I got to go out and find their names. These two kids came in backstage at the Alex Theater, and they were trying to put leads on me, which are the things you put on your chest to measure your heart rate or whatever. I was wearing a hockey jersey, and again, I was way heavier. They lifted up my shirt, and I was like, “Whoa man, you never do that to a heavy dude!”

They were like, “We got to get these on.” I said, “Well, I'll hold it out; you reach under,” but there were too many people around. So, they did that, and once they took a reading, I do remember the woman looking at the man with an unspoken look. You know, I'm supposed to be a director for a living, so sometimes you got to frame a show or whatever. It was one of those moments that wasn't that shifty, where it was like, “Uh-oh, what does that mean?” But I did see a glance between them, and then the man said, “You know what? We're going to take you to the hospital.”

I was like, “Oh please, don't do that; this is embarrassing.” He said, “No, just in case. It'll help me; it'll look good for me in my job and stuff.” He asked, “You ever been to that hospital before?” I said, “Not really; I visit people.” He replied, “Oh, you're going to love it. It's going to be great.” He was really selling it, man. Maybe he was for big pharma or something.

Well, thank God that dude made the call he did. The two of them, the two medics, chose not to go to the hospital they were supposed to take me to; they went to one that was a little further away because they knew that was the one where heart people went. Wow! Thank God they took me to that one. The guy who saved my life, Dr. Ladenheim, got pulled in at the last minute, and everything worked out.

I saw another doctor, Dr. Paula, months later, after all this happened. I went on Colbert and told the story; I told the story for years. Finally, I see Dr. Paula when we were going to make Jay and Silent Bob Reboot in 2019. She was the doctor you see before you go make a movie or something to clear you. Especially for the director, because they got to insure you for the whole run of the show. Since I just had a massive heart attack, the insurance company was like, “Make sure this guy can direct!”

When I came in to see her, she was like, “Oh my God, look at you! I heard about your story. I saw you talk about it on TV everywhere.” I was like, “Yeah, I know.” She said, “You keep talking about how there was an 80% chance of dying.” I was like, “Yeah.” Then she said, “I'm going to tell you right now; I'm going to tell you a story I've wanted to tell you ever since I heard about your heart attack.”

=> 00:30:48

Your story can save lives; never underestimate the power of sharing your journey.

The conversation began with a discussion about the insurance requirements for directors. The speaker mentioned that since he had just experienced a massive heart attack, the insurance company was particularly cautious, wanting to ensure that he could direct throughout the entire run of the show. He humorously noted that the insurance company seemed to doubt his ability, saying, "we know he can't direct like we've read the reviews."

When he met with a colleague, she expressed her surprise and concern, saying, "oh my God look at you." She had heard about his heart attack story and had seen him discuss it on television. The speaker acknowledged the 80% chance of dying that he often mentioned, to which she responded, "I'm going to tell you right now... I just wanted to correct you—that's not true." She explained that the actual statistic was 83%, indicating that 83% of patients with a Widowmaker heart attack do not survive.

The colleague shared her own harrowing experience, recounting a time when she was involved in open-heart surgery. Suddenly, a massive Widowmaker struck, and shockingly, it was not the patient but one of the doctors who collapsed. She emphasized that despite having all the talent and tools available, when it comes to the Widowmaker, "it ain't up to the doctor." She expressed her admiration for Dr. Ladon, stating, "you give him a lot more credit than he probably deserves," while also acknowledging that he had done his job correctly.

The speaker reflected on the importance of sharing his story, as many people are unaware of the realities of heart attacks. He mentioned a recent encounter while walking his two German Shepherds, where a tall man approached him. The man shared, "you have saved at least six lives at my job that I know of," explaining that he worked at Kaiser and that many patients referenced the speaker when discussing their heart ailments.

The speaker was moved by this feedback and felt encouraged to continue sharing his story. He recounted his time in a mental health facility, mentioning that he had posted a video for People magazine upon his release. He humorously noted that while some people might find themselves in similar situations, he was grateful for the support he received.

He then shifted the conversation to a lighter note, discussing his love for Celsius drinks. He joked about how some people get them for free, while he had to pay $2.89 per can. He described a friendly encounter with a staff member who offered him as many Celsius drinks as he wanted, saying, "hello new best friend."

The speaker expressed his desire to help others and his enjoyment of the attention he received from fans. He concluded by humorously lamenting the excess of Celsius drinks he had, saying, "we have so much Celsius we flush it down the toilet on a regular basis." He playfully suggested that they should start throwing cans into a schoolyard to make it more fun.

=> 00:34:20

Sometimes the best moments come from unexpected places, like a White Castle in Kentucky where a fan reminds you of the impact you had on their life years ago.

I'm a big fan; I loved your movies when I was a kid. I’ll be that guy, especially if I get to walk home with like oh 12 packs. You float home, dude. There's um, I ain't looking for free money, dude; I ain't that kind of carpet bagger. But just, I just want to wet my beak, yeah, just drip a little on my tongue.

They um, the yeah, all of our cabinets are filled with they've sent too much actually. So what? Yeah, don't say it like that. I'm telling you, like, I thought I knew; I thought I had the podcast down to a science, and you're like, we have so much Celsius we flush it down the toilet on a regular basis. I'm like, no, yeah, I'm going to start throwing cans of it into a schoolyard, you know what I'm saying? Make it rock.

Kevin Smith, like why you don’t go here? Like, watch the show; you'll understand. I'm just going to write, get an EKG, and just throw it into an elementary school. Um, so it's not good. I don't live here or work here, bro, 'cause I'd be doing day and be like, hey Theo, man, someone's in the parking lot; they really want to be on the show. I'm like, dude, oh, that's a shadow, bro; you're good.

It tastes good, though; it tastes good. Oh no, it tastes really good. I'll have some too, actually. Well, don't follow me into the hole, dude. I got one here if you want to take spare; you have some of it? Can I get that?

Again, Galaxy Vibe. This one I want Cosmic, and next I want to go Galaxy. We have, I'm tasting them all; you don't understand, man. This again, 239 cans. So sometimes I'm in 7-Eleven, and I'm like, I want to try Cosmic Vibe, but 239 is expensive. So now I know I could just come here and do a taste test, sample them all.

What about mediocre Vibe? What about how much is that? That's what I sell. Oh wait, let me finish my Lexington story. Yeah, it all started; I veered off course 'cause I vegan, but no, but the heart stuff, right? Yeah, but hold that; let me finish because this makes me laugh.

Okay, this happened so, so I'm in Lexington, and I oh, you rock, man. There you go, dude, my man's hustling because he heard me like gunning for the job. I was like, I'll be one of those guys. He's like, oh, that we got Vans; see I'm halfway there.

So there I am in Lexington, and I got an app on my phone. If you're a vegan, which again, I'm not pushing on people; it's just I do it to save my life. I've got an app called Happy Cow. Wherever you are, you enter, you know, like I'm where I am, and they'll tell you places you can find vegan food or vegan options. It's helpful, right?

So I'm in Lexington, and I enter, you know, Le Kentucky, and the app laughs at me because they don't believe in that there at all. So there ain't no vegan food to find except you go to Burger King and get an Impossible Whopper without cheese, or my kid told me, oh, White Castle does Impossible sliders. So I was like, I'm gonna go to White Castle, man.

I passed a White Castle, and I was like, so I go into the White Castle in Kentucky, and I go up to the counter. I'm like, can I look up, and there's Impossible sliders. I said, can I get six Impossible sliders? The lady looks at me, and then she looks up at the menu. She's like, I don't know. She goes, hold on. Then she goes into like the freezer case for five minutes, then comes back with a frozen ass box that looked like ice, man.

They unearthed it from the primordial man trapped in ice. Yes, and she was like, this is going to take a minute. And I was like, we don't do these a lot. I was like, that's cool; I'll wait. So I'm sitting at the counter, and all of a sudden, I hear, no, no. And you know what that is? Somebody got their period at work. Exactly, and I'm like, good thing I carry tampons, ma'am; here you go.

Usually, when you hear that, that's somebody going like, hey, it's you. I don't always assume that, but being that we're in a White Castle in Kentucky, I'm like, either there's a fight about to break out or I've just been made. And that's fair; I look like SpongeBob at all times.

So I turn around, not like egotistically like, well, of course, it's me, but I'm pretty sure that that hey is directed in my direction. No, no. And I turn around; he goes, just a White Castle. And I was like, yeah. And he goes, oh, and he comes over and hugs me, and he's like blazed as hell. He's almost like a character out of one of my flicks, and stoned is traveler of the green. Absolutely lovely.

And he goes, you don't remember this, but you took me to the movies once. And I'm like, oh, 20 years prior, I was doing a show at the University of Kentucky or whatever, and it was when Changing Lanes was coming out, the Ben Affleck movie.

=> 00:38:09

Sometimes, the most unexpected moments bring back the best memories, reminding us of the connections we've made along the way.

Being that we're in a White Castle in Kentucky, I thought to myself, either there's a fight about to break out or I've just been made. That's fair; I look like a Bob at all times. So, I turn around—not like egotistically, like "well, of course it's me," but I'm pretty sure that "hay" is directed in my direction. I turn around, and he goes, "just a White Castle." I was like, "yeah," and he comes over, hugs me, and he's like blazed as hell. He almost resembles a character out of one of my films, a stoned traveler of the green. Absolutely lovely.

He continues, "you don't remember this, but you took me to the movies once." I'm like, oh wow, 20 years prior, I was doing a show at the University of Kentucky. It was when Changing Lanes, a Ben Affleck movie, was coming out. I thought, I'm here for two nights; tomorrow I got nothing to do, so I'm going to go see Changing Lanes at this multiplex. I invited anyone who wanted to come, saying, I'll buy you a ticket. I thought maybe 10 people would show up, but at 11 o'clock in the morning, 200 people showed up! I wound up having to pay for a theater full of people. An article ran in Entertainment Weekly, stating there was a huge bump for Changing Lanes in Kentucky because Kevin Smith took people out. So, that dude was there, and I was like, holy crap, man, that's nice seeing you.

He goes on, "I love Affleck, man," and I respond, "he's really going through it right now, isn't he?" I was like, yeah, I guess. I’ve seen some articles and stuff. He suggests, "we should call him," and I was like, um, yeah, we don't know. As previously mentioned, I lost my mind a year and a half ago and went to a mental hospital for a while. I found out that at the root of all my issues is I'm very codependent and a people pleaser. I came home and told my wife that, and she said, "marriage is codependence." I was like, alright, but really, any doctor will tell you not right.

I don't know how to feel about myself; I need you to tell me how I feel about me. I don't put on my own mask first; I put yours on. I have to take care of everybody before I take care of myself because I learned at a young age that I'm only useful if I show utility. If I can be useful, I can make you laugh, I can take care of your bills—that is how I know that I'm a worthwhile human being. There's no natural value unless I'm producing something. So, as I'm sitting there and the guy's going, "we should call him," a normal human being would be like, well, absolutely, that's out of the question. But my people-pleasing nature is like, I guess we should, shouldn't we? I didn't want to let this guy down, this guy I hadn't seen in 20 years, who just started going, no, no in White Castle.

I thought, alright, best of all possible worlds, let me see if I could get this going. So, I decided, "you know what, I'm going to call him." I pulled out my phone and called Jason Mewes instead. I said, "Ben, hey man, it's Kevin. I'm in Kentucky at a White Castle, and there's a dude here who I took to see Changing Lanes 20 years ago." Then I said, "Ben, hold on, Jason Mewes is texting me." I pulled the phone away and texted Jason, V Ben Affleck on speaker. I went back to the phone and said, "then Jason's fine; he says hi. Anyway, I'm going to put you on speaker; say hi to my man here."

I put him on speaker, and I was like, "go ahead." My man goes, "Ben, man, how you doing?" Then Jason, who has worked with Ben Affleck and knows him well, does his approximation of Ben Affleck on the phone: "yo yo yo, this is Big Ben Affleck coming at you," like he was a strip club DJ. The guy goes, "Ben, man, I've been reading; I feel bad for you, man. You gotta just hang in there." Then Muse chimes in, "well, you know what they say, Affleck was the bomb in Phantoms, yo," which is a line from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. That guy went nuts, saying, oh my God, he said that thing. I replied, he always says that thing.

Then I said, "we gotta go," and Jason added, "yeah, I gotta go too; Matt Damon's taking me to...

=> 00:42:05

True change often starts from a place of vanity, but the real journey is about feeling good inside, not just looking good outside.

Affleck is friends with Ben Affleck and attended his wedding. He knows Ben and is familiar with what he sounds like. This is where Jason uses an approximation of Ben Affleck on the phone, saying, "Yo yo yo, this is Big Ben Affleck coming at you," as if he were a strip club DJ.

During the conversation, a guy tells Ben, "I've been reading, like, I feel bad for you man. You gotta just hang in there, man." Then, Jason adds, "Well, you know what they say, Affleck was the bomb in Phantoms, yo," referencing a line from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. The guy went nuts, exclaiming, "Oh my God, he said that thing!" Jason reassured him, saying, "He always says that thing."

Excitedly, Jason mentions that he has to leave because Matt Damon is taking him to Target. The dude was so delighted and remarked, "That's awesome! That was a good thing to do for your friend. He feels good now; we gave him support." Jason agreed, saying, "Yeah, you're absolutely right." Then, the guy asked, "What about Muse? Can we call Jay now?" Fortunately, the lady at the counter was merciful, and they were able to leave after ordering six Impossibles.

Reflecting on the experience, Jason humorously noted, "Oh, that's a sweet story, dude. That only happened 'cause I was vegan, bro." He continued, "So that's my pitch for veganism. If I had to pitch for it, it would be like, you know, most people approach things from a position of vanity. They don't really truly care about their health; they just want to look better."

Jason shared his personal journey, stating, "It was definitely the case with me. If we look better, we will feel better, one imagines. But really, it's not like my whole life prior to the heart attack. I've been on a zillion diets and did everything but the surgery because I'm scared of getting cut." He expressed his frustration, saying, "I've been that person that's like, 'Man, what's the secret? How do you do it?' For years, people have just been saying, 'Oh, you gotta eat less and exercise a lot more.' I'm like, 'Yeah, I know, but what's the real secret?' I was never interested in being healthy; I just wanted to look normal like everybody else."

Now that he has lost weight, he remarked, "I don't look normal like everybody else. If I took my shirt off, I didn't sound like I got any surgery; I have all this excess skin that just hangs." He questioned whether that skin would eventually go away and wondered if applying Vitamin E oil could help. Jason explained, "Maybe the stretch marks might go away, but that hanging skin just hangs."

He humorously added, "If we were in a Marvel comic, maybe we could absorb it back in, but no, bro, the skin being an organ just distends. If you've distended it, that's it." Jason then shared a friend's experience with surgery, saying, "A friend of mine went through that. He lost a lot of weight and said, 'I know you, dude, and I know your threshold for pain. You never ever want to do this. In retrospect, I would never do it again. It was the most pain I've ever been in my entire life.'"

He concluded, "So wow, that guy is my boy, and that's amazing. If you go to the picture on the right, you can see the drapey skin, that creping effect they call it." He expressed his desire, saying, "I'd kill to look like that; that'd be amazing. Mine is just hanging." Jason humorously compared his appearance to a scene in The Shining, where Jack Nicholson encounters a woman who transforms into a droopy figure. He joked, "That's what my wife gets to see—damn, hey, lucky her, dude."

He continued to reflect on his wife's perspective, stating, "I always talk about my wife in regards to how to succeed. People ask various people about how to succeed when I'm doing Q&As or whatever. I say, 'You know, success, you can't guarantee that anyone's ever going to be interested in your stuff.'

=> 00:45:51

Success isn't guaranteed, but your unique voice is your greatest asset. Share your story for yourself first, and hope others resonate with it.

In a scene filled with humor and relatable anecdotes, a conversation unfolds about a romantic moment that quickly turns comedic. The narrative begins with a gorgeous lady getting out of the tub, leading to an intimate moment where they start making out. Suddenly, the gentleman looks at her and notices something amusing, comparing her appearance to that of a cat without hair. He humorously reflects, "that's what I look like when I take my girl," suggesting that his wife is indeed lucky to have him.

The discussion then shifts to the topic of success and the unpredictability of audience engagement in the entertainment industry. The speaker emphasizes that success cannot be guaranteed, even for someone as accomplished as Kevin Feige, the producer behind many Marvel movies. Despite his achievements, Feige still experiences anxiety about whether audiences will show up for his films, highlighting the uncertainty that even the most successful individuals face. The speaker notes that in a world where one cannot count on an audience, the most important audience member to please is oneself. "If you love it, that's how you have to proceed," he states, advocating for authenticity in creative expression.

The conversation continues with a focus on the uniqueness of individual voices in storytelling. The speaker encourages others to share their perspectives, asserting that your voice is your currency. He praises Theo, a fellow comedian, for his distinctive voice, which resonates with audiences. The speaker reflects on the richness of their experiences, humorously noting that after enjoying a drink, he feels like the richest man around.

As the dialogue progresses, they touch upon their experiences in Jersey, reminiscing about past performances and venues. The speaker recalls performing in Red Bank, a town that holds personal significance, as it is where he was born and where his comic book store, Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash, is located. He mentions the Count Basie Theater and expresses excitement about future performances there, inviting his companion to join him for a nostalgic movie experience.

The conversation culminates in a shared passion for cinema, as the speaker recounts efforts to save a historic movie theater, SM Castle Cinemas, from closure. He describes a recent event called Vulgar-Thon, where they screened multiple films from the View Askewniverse, celebrating their shared love for these iconic movies. With enthusiasm, he invites his friend to join him for a movie night, promising a fun and memorable experience.

=> 00:49:31

Sometimes saving something you love means going all in, even if it takes 16 hours of movies and a whole lot of passion.

They were going to kill it and close it. After Co, it's over 100 years old, so me and my friends got it and saved it. It's called SM Castle Cinemas and whatnot. We do events all the time; we just did Vulgar Thon, which is like showing every View Universe movie. This included Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Dogma, Jay and Silent Bob, Shrek, Clerks II, Jay and Silent Bob Reboot, and Clerks III. So, eight movies, 16 hours of movies. We started on Saturday morning at 9, and we finished Sunday at like 5 in the morning with 700 people in four different theaters. It was awesome and fun for everyone involved.

We've had comedy shows there; I've done shows there, and someone even shot a stand-up special there. So, if you're going to be in Red Bank, oh my God, I'll bring you over, and we'll do a watch party. You can pick a favorite movie, and we'll show it. Then you show up, and we just sit around. Dude, I would probably pick Family Man. I like that movie. Have you seen it with Nicholas Cage? Yeah, it's a beautiful movie. That really is a Brett Ratner movie that a lot of people never talk about anymore. I thought that was one of his, if I remember correctly.

The movie has a very It's a Wonderful Life vibe. Is that the movie you were thinking of? Yeah, I really like that; that's probably my favorite movie. I think I also like A League of Their Own. I love it. I lived across the street from Penny Marshall for years, and when I was in my heyday of podcasting, we started doing it at the house all the time. She came over since she lived right across the street.

Bringing up Penny Marshall, I got to talk to her about A League of Their Own. Just sitting there, because Penny Marshall had this brilliant streak where directors hit strong in threes, and she had Big, Awakenings, and A League of Their Own back to back to back. She's a pretty fascinating lady. Just think about it; she was Laverne from Laverne & Shirley, and then she became a director later, spending most of her career as a director after doing that show for what, 10 seasons or whatever?

Dude, we went to the town where Rockford is located, went to Rockford, Illinois, and visited the museum there. We saw all the Rockford Peaches memorabilia. Are you serious? Yeah, it's pretty cool stuff. I love that movie. Do you cry when you watch that movie?

Um, are you allowed to cry? Yeah, are you a tough guy? Dude, I cry a lot. I get made fun of on the internet for crying—not only just crying but then I post pictures of myself crying. Like, I saw Black Panther 2, and I came out and took a picture in front of the poster, and I was teary-eyed. Two days later, the internet was like, "You cuck!" They were very angry at me for that.

Yeah, I cried. I mean, if I saw something that moved me, I would cry. I mean, yeah, I've cried, but I won't put it out there. I've been crying; I mean, there are too many clips of me crying online. Is that right? What makes you cry?

Oh, just thinking about stuff or talking about stuff. Like, I don't know, earlier we were talking about people-pleasing and thinking about mental health issues. Oh yeah, first of all, hold on, there are a couple of questions I want to ask so I don't forget. One is, what are some of the signs if people are getting sick or something that you feel like you neglected?

For heart attack signs, I would say sweating profusely, which I did quite a lot as a man who was over 300 pounds. Not being able to catch your breath—I refer to it as I couldn't quite ring the bell. You know, you bang and hit it hard at the fair, and it felt like I'd be hitting it hard and then just come back down. I couldn't hit the top; I couldn't quite catch my breath, so to speak.

I was looking for numbness in the arm because I was raised watching Sanford and Son. So, when he clutched his arm, I thought, "This is the big one!" That never happened to me. I also experienced nausea; I wound up throwing up, and I didn't have anything in my stomach, so it was just bile. These are very subtle things that, you know, I hate to say, but you could mistake for being nervous or maybe having some bad milk. I was a big milk drinker in those days, so you could think, "Oh, there's nothing wrong."

Watching a big fella drink milk, dude, can we just say you would have been turned on, bro? I don't know how you swing, but you would have watched me drinking the milk.

=> 00:53:00

True happiness often lies in the simple, everyday moments, not just in the big achievements or successes.

I was looking for the numbness in my arm, as I was raised watching Sanford and Son. "Elizabeth, this is the big one!" That's what he always did—clutched his arm and acted like he was having a heart attack. That never happened to me; I never felt that nausea. However, I did end up throwing up, and since I didn't have anything in my stomach, it was just bile. These were very subtle things that, you know, I hated.

I could totally mistake that for being nervous or maybe think, "Oh, I had some bad milk," since I was a big milk drinker back in those days. I mean, there's nothing quite like watching a big fella drink milk. "Dude, can we just F you would have been turned on, bro?" I don't know how you swing, but you would have watched me drinking the milk, and with the beard and everything, you would have thought, "I'm going to be..." because you're a total otter type. It could have worked—an otter in the gay community, yeah.

People would always tell me, "Hey man, he's there you go, son! Come on, that looks like a good time." I know a lot of people would look at that and think, "This guy's nuts," but he's living his best life. "Have you ever been that happy?" I've been listening to this song lately, the one that was at the end of Guardians of the Galaxy 3. It's by Florence and the Machine, and it goes, "Happiness hit her like a bullet in the back."

Let's just stop and appreciate the poetry of that line. When was the last time you were ever hit by the happiness bullet in the back? That's a good question, man. Recently, I went to this event, and I was happy too. I mean, you wake up every day and think, "I'm Theo Von! Holy [__], my mouth! I use my mouth on people, and I'm rich now." And it's not for anything scandalous—well, oral is oral, my friend; you're in the mouth service business.

But I'm talking about being satisfied with the job and stuff, true happiness that has nothing to do with who you are. My friend Scott Moer, at one point, asked me, "What do you want to do? If you could do anything in the world, what would make you happy?" He said, "But it can't have anything to do with being Kevin Smith for a living or the movies or any of that." He was just talking about normal life, and that rocked my world for a few days.

I couldn't come up with an answer necessarily. The best I could come up with was that I would love to have a conversation with my father, who has been dead for 20 years. Not because I wanted to settle any issues, but that would be wonderful. I had to reach into fiction, into the impossible, to find something. I asked other people, and my brother, without missing a beat, said, "Oh, I'd go on a world cruise." I asked, "What's that?" He replied, "Exactly what it sounds like—you just cruise around the world for like a year on a boat."

He knew what he wanted, and other people I talked to had normal things they wanted to do. I think my happiness radar is busted, and I imagine yours is as well. The idea of what makes others happy is shattered when you can wake up and whimsically create something. Just by dreaming about it and doing it, like putting the podcast together and speaking your mind, you've gotten paid, and you've had a bunch of people going, "We support you!"

When that scale exists, I found that the more I speak to other creatives—especially after going to the mental hospital—I feel freer to talk about it. I'm not saying life can't make you happy, but when you've had that ability, there's a certain happiness that goes along with financial success, creative success, and personal success. When your highs are like, "Oh, let's get Alan Rickman to be in Dogma," it's tough to find a normal high, you know what I'm saying?

It's interesting, man. Is that 1% rarified view thinking? I don't know if that makes me instantly unrelatable. No, I just think it makes sense. If you've had interesting experiences that would make most people happy, it can seem like a different world altogether.

=> 00:57:09

Success can bring highs that make everyday happiness feel out of reach, but true joy often lies in the simple moments and connections we cherish.

Speaking to other creatives, I feel freer to talk about my experiences, especially after going to the mental hospital. It's interesting how life can make you happy, but when you've had certain abilities and experiences, there’s a specific happiness associated with financial success, creative success, and personal success. For instance, when your highs are like, "Oh, let's get Alan Rickman to be in Dogma," it becomes tough to find a normal high.

I wonder if this perspective makes me unrelatable. I don't think so; it just makes sense. If you’ve had experiences that most people believe would bring happiness, it’s reasonable that you might struggle to find that happiness in everyday life. I often think about what would truly make me happy. It’s crazy how something as simple as giving a hug to my brother or taking a walk with him can bring joy. My brother and I are close, and spending time with him or reconnecting with a teacher from my past would mean a lot to me.

Additionally, I think about my dad, who has passed away. If I could see him again, that would make me really happy. It’s a bit surreal that we often have to reach into the grave to find what would truly bring us joy. I have a tough time with certain aspects of life, and I wish I could embrace happiness more easily.

Speaking of happiness, I think about the businesses that are thriving today, like Alo, Allbirds, or Skims. Often, we focus on the specific products or brilliant marketing, but an overlooked secret is the business behind the business. Shopify makes selling simple for millions of businesses. They have the number one checkout on the planet, and their Shop Pay feature can boost conversions by up to 50%. If you're looking to upgrade your business, you can sign up for a $1 per month trial at shopify.com/Theo.

Reflecting on my past, I've had my share of bad habits, but thankfully, I'm alive and looking toward a healthier future. Did you know that around 73% of American adults report having one or more unhealthy behaviors? If you’re struggling with a bad habit, you might want to check out what Fume has created for people like us. Fume is an award-winning flavored air device that’s becoming a leading alternative to vaping and smoking. It champions the creation and maintenance of healthy habits that you can incorporate into your daily routine.

I’ve used Fume, and it’s effective. Flavored air isn’t the same as vaping; if vapor were compared to sticky soda, Fume cores are closer to herbal teas. They offer a variety of delicious flavors, including crisp mint, orange vanilla, cranberry, and grapefruit. You can start your journey toward healthier habits and receive a free gift with your journey pack, which includes a Fume device, three core flavors of your choice, and a cleaning kit. Visit tryfume.com and use code Theo to say goodbye to your bad habits.

As someone who has been a big comic fan, I realize that this passion has been a significant part of what makes me who I am today.

=> 01:01:51

Embrace your passions and ride the wave of opportunity; success often comes from being in the right place at the right time.

Implementing fume into your daily routine can be a great way to enhance your habits. I've used fume, and it is effective; flavored air isn't like vaping. If vapor was compared to sticky soda, fume cores are closer to herbal teas. Fume has lots of delicious flavors to choose from, such as crisp mint and orange vanilla. There's also a cranberry flavor, as well as a grapefruit one—those are the ones I've been using. So, start your journey with a good habit and get a free gift with your journey pack, which includes a fume device, three core flavors of your choice, and a cleaning kit. Go to trynume.com (that's T-R-Y-N-U-M-E dot com) and use code Theo to say goodbye to your bad habits today.

Shifting gears, you obviously have been a big comic guy, and in that whole zeitgeist, it has been a significant part of what made you who you are. It's honestly like I was into that culture; if you watch M Rats in '95, it's a big part of it. Back then, the culture was such that comic books were considered for kids. I just got really lucky in that about 15 years ago, the culture shifted into all the things that I was already into and well-versed in. So, I got like a free ride for about a good 15 to 20 years on a geek train that I never had to make a comic book movie. I've directed some comic book shows like Supergirl and Flash, but really, I was just insanely well-positioned because I was waving the flag for this culture when people were like, “What do you mean?”

When we talk about where you are right now, do you feel that you were an overnight success, or was it more like 10 years of a thing before you got here? Oh yeah, it was a long time. You don't feel you're in the sweet zone right now, like in terms of the man meeting the moment and vice versa? I don't know; I guess because I don't know what my end goals are sometimes. I see it when I look at a guy like Joe Rogan—to drop his name again—and you can use it a few times too. He got into UFC, and that rose, and I think he also helped to be fair. But I'm not saying I'm Joe Rogan; I'm just saying that the labor of love is similar. Once again, it reminds me that he found a way to monetize his passions, where I think he's probably indispensable to the UFC when he comments. Do they pay him? I'm pretty sure they must have a deal.

He may have put in the work, but now he's financially thriving. He was in on it early, trained, and started talking. I remember the kids at my school who you knew were going to probably die young; they were the ones watching it on the weekend, saying, “Come watch it.” It was like, you know, Willie the [__], you know, short Willie versus the violent homo or something. Who are these guys? One guy would be like 400 lbs fighting a guy that was like 120 lbs, and it would just be like a massacre. That's when the UFC didn't have weight classes.

Look at Joe Rogan now; what a puppet! It's like his News Radio days. I mean, I understand who Joe Rogan is today, and I love that, but my first introduction to him was on News Radio. I absolutely loved that show; it's one of my favorite sitcoms ever produced. They only had about four seasons, so you could binge it in a day and then start it again. Joe was like that; that's how I first knew him. Then, the podcasting thing came along. I remember going on the show in the early days, and every time I've ever been on, there's clearly a reason why that man is at the top of the game. He's just genuinely curious.

He’s the guy at the party where the crowd gravitates around him, whether he's trying to magnetize them in or not. He has a lot of information and retains it really well. He's like an airport for information. He'll ask you about something you've said, and you're almost like, “Now I have to actually say something about this.” He was the first one that did this thing where you're talking, and then all of a sudden, he's like, “Look that up.” There was someone there, a reference person, helping out.

=> 01:05:40

The shift from indie films to streaming shows has transformed storytelling, making it easier for unique narratives to find a home in a crowded market.

That's the wor but he's curious. He also has a way of hitting you with questions where you're like, "No, he's just that guy at the party." You know, slowly the crowd gravitates around him, whether he's trying to magnetize them in or whether he's putting on a show or not. He’s just interesting and has a lot of information. He's like a thoroughfare for information; he's like an airport for information, and he retains it really well. He’s genuinely curious. You’ll kind of say something, and then he’ll ask you about it. You're almost like, "Now I have to actually say something about this."

He was the first one that did this, though, where you’re talking, and then all of a sudden he’s like, "Look that up." There was somebody there, a reference person, helping out. We didn’t have that in the early days.

I feel like there are less comedy movies these days. Would you agree with that?

No, I think there are less movies period these days. There’s a lot of almost comic book-type movies and universes; those are the movies now. Does that feel weird to you? Or not weird to you? What are your thoughts on that? It’s like, I don’t know if one has eliminated the other, but it’s just kind of, why is that? Why do we see these big huge things, but it feels tougher for somebody to create just a good comedy these days?

I think good comedy went to TV and streaming because they needed to fill coffers quickly, you know, fill programming schedules quickly. Or like, did Marvel universes and all the comic book universes kill off the mid-range?

100% no. Studios like to make money; they’re in the business to make money. I don’t think a comic book movie has made them say, "Let’s give up on the mid-range." They’re just like, "Look, more risk, more reward." When I first started, there was television and there were movies. Now, there are many more options and many more places to go. Instead of doing, you know, an eight or six-episode show where you’re like, "Could have been done in three," it’s because a lot of people are like, "Alright, I’m going to take my idea that was for a feature and stretch it out into a show."

So, I think, you know, never mind comedy; I’d be more curious, hey, where did the indie film go?

I think the indie film moved and was taken over by Netflix. Once Netflix came in, number one, they started buying cheap movies, and number two, they started making programming that was kind of interesting. They went to other countries and said, "Who are your top filmmakers? Here’s money, go make TV shows and stuff." That’s where all the interesting ideas are going and finding a home.

You’re somebody who wants to tell an offbeat story, and you’re looking at this Sisyphusian task of like, "I got to roll this boulder up the hill." Every time I make a movie, it’s like, "Here we go, this is going to be tough." Or you walk into these cats, and they’re like, "What’s it about? How esoteric is it? Interesting, go ahead. Can you make it six episodes? Can you make it eight? That’s preferable." That’s where all the interesting programming has slowly gravitated to now.

So, you’re saying some of the indie movies have actually become television shows?

I think indie filmmakers or people that make things off the beaten path—stories that don’t necessarily fall into the big budget equation—have wound up going to streaming. You know, what was Jason Bateman's show? Ozark? Yeah, it’s an indie film; this just happens to be a series that went on for a bunch of episodes because they’re like, "Hey, do we like it? Do it again." Instead of getting a sequel, you just get another season.

That’s a good point. It’s like there was almost a secret gay guy at the lake. It was like people playing gay clue at the lake. Remember? Because that one guy, Ed...

Yeah, I didn’t watch the whole show, and I’m just using it as an example. It started to get redundant. Now, for some reason, I really want to play gay clue. Does that exist? No? They should have that, right?

It was like, what did he use the candlestick for? To find out, um, Samuel's been in the billiard room for a while in the conservatory—not being very conservative.

Wow, I’ve never used that to cue my pool stick before. Or what’s that thing called? To chalk? I’ve never chalked that way.

So, that’s interesting. I think that’s part of it. Believe me, I’m not like, "And that’s exactly what happened." I think that’s part of it. I think Netflix came in and disrupted the business.

=> 01:09:41

Now is the golden age for indie filmmakers to tell unheard stories in theaters, as the industry is ripe for fresh voices and unique narratives.

One guy, Ed, mentioned that he didn't watch the whole show but used it as an example. He noted that it started to get redundant. For some reason, he expressed a desire to play gay Clue, questioning if that exists. He remarked that it was interesting how the game involved using the Candlestick to find out that Samuel had been in the billiard room for a while, and in the conservatory, not being very conservative. Ed humorously added that he had never used that to cue his pool stick before or chalked it that way.

He continued to discuss the changes in the entertainment industry, stating, "Believe me, I'm not like, and that's exactly what happened." He explained that Netflix disrupted the business in a way that initially seemed positive, but now people are realizing that nothing existed the way that existed before. Television viewership has declined to almost nothing, leading major studios to write off entire network divisions, effectively devaluing television for tax benefits.

Ed pointed out that once Netflix established its model, other companies felt compelled to follow suit, leading to a massive shift towards streaming. He remarked, "It just really broke the model; it's kind of nuts." He believes that for those who enjoy telling offbeat and path stories, or what used to be called indie filmmaking, now is the time to shine. He emphasized that entertainment consumption has dramatically changed over the last decade, particularly noting that theatrical consumption has been way off since COVID.

Many people wonder if audiences will ever return to theaters as they once did. Ed asserted that they won't go back unless given something they can't find elsewhere. He cited examples like Deadpool and Wolverine, where audiences are motivated to see these films in theaters because they know they won't be available at home for months. He suggested that if filmmakers tell stories that audiences have never heard before, and the only place to see them is in theaters, it could draw people back in.

Currently, theaters are struggling, and they are open to any films, making it easier for filmmakers to secure screening deals. Ed noted that it used to be tough to get screens, but now, "you can make a deal with AMC" for your independent movie. He shared a personal anecdote about his film, The 4:30 Movie, which is set to come out on September 13th. He reminisced about how, in the 80s, people would pay for one movie and then jump from theater to theater to see more films for free.

He humorously added that if he caught someone doing that in his theater, he would just encourage them to buy some popcorn and stay as long as they wanted, just to get bodies through the door. Ed concluded by stating that this is a different world now. He encouraged indie filmmakers to take the opportunity to say things that have never been said before in film. He emphasized that if they manage to do even a tiny bit of business in theaters today, that would be a remarkable story.

He referenced the success of the film Air, which was about the history of the Air Jordan sneaker. Amazon decided to release it in theaters and spent money on advertising, despite having Prime. They wanted to see what it would be like to release a movie traditionally, breaking the theatrical model. Ed compared this to his own experiences, noting that it was novel for someone to pay for an ad on his show, just as it was novel for Amazon to promote a movie in theaters. Ultimately, he highlighted that they found the same success with this approach as Netflix had in the past.

=> 01:13:18

The traditional movie release model is evolving; indie filmmakers have a unique opportunity to shine now that audiences crave fresh, authentic stories outside the mainstream.

The discussion revolves around the history of the Air Jordan sneaker and its unique marketing strategy. Traditionally, movies have been released in theaters, with significant investments in advertising. Even though platforms like Amazon have Prime, the creators decided to explore a different route. They thought, "Wouldn't it be novel if we put the movie out and paid for ads so people saw a trailer and then went to the movies to see it?" This approach aimed to enhance the movie's value before it eventually became available on Prime.

Interestingly, they discovered that movies that follow the traditional route tend to perform better on streaming platforms like Netflix. Viewers are more likely to choose a film they've seen advertised on TV over a Netflix original, regardless of the star power involved. This highlights a certain value to putting something in a theater, as it adds a layer of prestige to the film.

For indie filmmakers, the situation can be quite frustrating. Many feel that their stories have never been heard, and they may look at established figures like Kevin Smith with disdain, thinking, "He makes the same movie every time." However, Smith encourages these filmmakers, stating, "Now's your time to shine." He suggests that they should use his career as a stepping stone, thinking, "If that talentless idiot could do it, then I could do it too."

Smith believes that now is the time for another indie filmmaking movement. He points out that many filmmakers who once thrived in the studio system are now struggling to adapt to the current landscape, where studios are not producing as much content. He reflects on the independence that comes with indie filmmaking, saying, "You're your own boss." Many filmmakers have never learned how to pivot back to indie film, having been spoiled by studio work.

Despite his own experience in indie film, Smith acknowledges that audiences are familiar with his storytelling style. He encourages new voices to emerge, stating, "Now is the time for an indie filmmaker to come out and be like, here's a story nobody's ever heard." He emphasizes the importance of making films, especially in a marketplace that is currently lacking diverse storytelling.

With streaming now being mainstream, those who tell offbeat stories are essentially acting as studios themselves. Smith recalls the early days of indie film, where filmmakers operated outside the major studios, saying, "Just because they won't let us in doesn't mean I can't do it on my own." He urges aspiring filmmakers to take charge of their projects, suggesting that if they feel overlooked by platforms like Netflix, they should "go do your thing without them."

In a practical sense, Smith and comedian David Spade are considering a direct-to-consumer approach for their movie. They ponder the idea of selling it directly on a website, stating, "Could we just put it on a website and sell it right there to people?" This model could also include a unique twist on a comedy tour, where audiences would watch the movie together and engage in a Q&A afterward. Smith concludes by emphasizing the potential for filmmakers to take control of their work, asking, "Why do you need anybody else?"

=> 01:16:40

You have the power to create and distribute your own content; don’t wait for permission, just make it happen.

It's time for you to create your own shingle. People are hungry for that. Do you think it's a good idea to sell direct to Consumer? Like, David Spade and I wrote a movie, and we're going to try to get it made. It feels like it's kind of getting close, right? We're like, could we just put it on a website and sell it right there to people? 100%.

But also, you travel out in the world, man. Imagine doing a comedy tour where instead of just performing, you say, "Hey man, welcome tonight! We're going to watch a movie, and afterwards, we're going to talk about it." So enjoy the show, and then you get the [__] off for 90 minutes. After that, it's all crowd work because you're just answering [__] questions. That's it! You have the ability to do that. Why do you [__] need anybody else?

You’ve got such an audience and such a long tail that you can go into an AMC like [__] Taylor Swift and say, "I guarantee you that on my podcast, which has 200 [__] million downloads per whatever the [__], I can make people come to a theater and show a thing." Even if AMC is like, "No, we're not interested," then you go to Fathom Events and say, "Hey man, I got a movie I want to put on screens for like two [__] days." You’ll make like 10 million bucks, and they’ll write stories about how [__] smart you are.

So, you don't need anybody, Theo. You have the distribution mechanism already in place. You're a loaded gun at all times; you just have to point your audience in the right direction. What you do is point them to the next show or a live gig. If you make a movie with Spade or whoever the [__], don’t [__] sell it until you have milked it and juiced it for everything you personally can. The way you juice your own [__], then [__] give it up to a streamer or to someone like a home video company that’s going to put it out.

You already know how to put asses in seats. The big mystery of this business that everyone is always trying to figure out is how do I get [__] people to show up? You know how to get people to show up. Now this would just be you saying, "Okay, when you show up this time, we're going to do things a little differently. I'm just going to show you a movie, and then we’re going to [__] do a comedy show afterwards."

You could charge the same thing, and all that money goes right to the [__] flick. Then you would have money, and you could start making other cool movies. You could have your friends say, "This is a script I like," and you could just write it. It would be like movies would be free again because there wouldn’t be any need to go and ask some smarmy [__] dude.

What do you mean free again? I’m like, I like this world. What you mean is free meaning you could do whatever you want. You could always do whatever you wanted; you have the ability to do that. You just have to gather your resources. You already show it on a regular basis.

I cannot [__] stress this enough: that Celsius [__] container is huge. They don’t give that to just anybody; it’s massive. It’s like I walked into a 7-Eleven or at least a [__].

Actually, I hated it when—hold on a second—no way, man. No, I’m going. You’re coming with me. We’re doing it. Take my hand; we’re going. We’re fing the [__]. I’m out. They died, didn’t they? Yeah, but they live forever. That’s true. You know what I’m saying? Because they’re a movie.

Look, Theo, everybody dies, but not everybody truly lives. Facts. I took that from Braveheart. You did? I mean, that’s where it came from. There’s a new Asian kind of Braveheart movie coming out. I saw a preview for it. How do you know when to keep it on movies? Have you ever thought that movies should be like National Cuisine? Like, there’s an Asian Braveheart coming out. Shouldn’t there be one for every country?

Recently, we were talking about how I saw on Netflix they had this movie called Beneath Paris, which is Jaws in France. Shouldn’t every country have its own [__] Jaws? We were discussing this on my podcast with Ralph at Flappers. I was like, every country should have its own [__] Jaws. It doesn’t have to be the same story, but just give me every country. It should be like the Olympics; every country should showcase their best shark movie, a killer shark movie.

Because everybody can get away with that, and the [__]. You know, there aren’t a lot of killer shark movies now. It seems cheap now, like cheap to do.

=> 01:20:11

Every country deserves its own killer shark movie, showcasing their unique culture and creativity. It's time for a cinematic global shark fest!

Recently, there has been a discussion about the idea of creating an Asian Braveheart. It raises the question: shouldn't there be one for every country? I was reminded of this while watching a movie on Netflix called Beneath Paris, which is essentially Jaws in France. This led to the thought that every country should have its own version of Jaws.

During a podcast I do with Ralph Gins at Flappers, we talked about how every nation should represent itself with its best shark movie. It should be akin to the Olympics, where each country showcases its best athletes. In this case, each country could present its best killer shark movie. It seems like a fun concept, especially since there aren't many killer shark movies being made these days.

Creating a shark movie seems less expensive now, as using CGI for sharks is not as costly as constructing the large rubber shark used in Jaws. Imagine each nation being represented by what they consider their best possible shark film. For example, in Africa, they could have something like Saving Private Reginald or a unique take on a World War II theme.

We could start with the basic shark concept and then expand to other genres, like a war film. Each nation could produce its own version of a shark movie, leading to an arms race of sorts. Picture a Japanese film featuring a dangerous koi fish instead of a shark. However, we must establish some rules, as not every country has sharks.

In a humorous twist, I imagined a movie titled Jaws of Michigan, where the plot revolves around a hot dog eating contest. The story goes that every night, when the Coney Dog place closes, they have leftover hot dogs that go bad. Instead of throwing them out, someone disposes of them in one of the Great Lakes, where a baby great white shark has been eating these hot dogs, causing it to grow massive.

I shared this idea with my friend Logic, who is a big name in the industry. He was in the movie 430, and after watching it, he expressed his love for movies. Logic mentioned that he found hip-hop through movies and always wanted to make one himself. He almost collaborated with JJ—not JJ Evans from Good Times, but JJ Abrams, the director known for his work on Star Wars.

Logic's project was set in a single location, a record store, which made me realize he could finance it himself. I encouraged him, saying, "You can make a movie; anybody can make a movie." Eventually, he took that advice to heart and financed his own film, Paradise Records, which we shot in May in St. Helens, Oregon. I was a producer and editor on the project, and I must say, it turned out to be wonderful.

=> 01:23:58

If you have a story to tell, stop waiting for permission—just create it yourself.

I said, "Why is it difficult? Is it expensive?" He goes, "No, it's kind of like Clerks. It's set in one location." I was like, "What could it be? Is it on the moon?" He replied, "No, it's just in a record store." I said, "Bro, you can make that movie yourself! You don't need any help. You got [__]. I'm sure you got money from hip-hop; you can finance your own movie." For all the years I've ever told people, "You can make a movie; anybody could make a movie. You should make your own movie," [__] was like, "You're right," and he financed his own [__] movie. We went and shot it back in May up in Oregon in St. Helens, and it's called Paradise Records. I was a producer on it, and I was his editor.

Wow, and my God, it's so [__] wonderful! It is legit good. He is born to be a filmmaker, and it's kind of a little irritating when a dude who is exceptionally good at one thing and made [__] billions doing it is now like, "Oh, I'm also good at this." I mean, this [__] dude's good at anything—JJ, ABS, yeah, no, [__] logic. Oh, logic [__]—like, he could do a Rubik's Cube in front of you in like 12 seconds. Yeah, he's just so crazy [__] talented. But him as a filmmaker, this movie Paradise Records is going to be [__] huge. It is [__] awesome. He's the star, and his friend Tain is the second lead. His friend T-Man is absolutely wonderful in the movie. This dude wrote, directed, and [__] starred in it, and I was like, so incredibly impressed because he's a legit great actor. As you know, because I cut every frame, I saw every frame of the [__] footage. I was there on set when they shot it, but most of the time, I was cutting the movie. Every frame of film, I was like, "This guy's [__] unnatural." So that movie is [__] wonderful, man. Paradise Records will be out next year.

I want to ask a little bit more about the 430 movie, but it comes out September 13. September 13th, it's Ken Jeong, isn't it? He's amazing! It's kind of a story of my young life—a story of the first date that I had in high school and stuff with my girlfriend. Right when we took her to the flicks, in this flick, him and his friends are going to the movie theater to hang out for the day and skip from theater to theater. If you've ever listened to SM Cast back in the day when me and Scott Mosher used to do it, there was this episode we did about Emo Kev, where I had these old recordings of me riding around on a bike in my hometown, thinking, "What am I doing?" It was a real existential crisis [__] before I ever made Clerks, wondering what my future would be and stuff. So we played them on the SMZ, and Scott, like, mercilessly [__] died laughing. He just would attack me, like, "Oh my God, you sound so [__] dumb!" But it was kind of wonderful to listen to.

Anyway, the movie is kind of based on that. So, it's based on that version of Emo Kev, as we called him in the podcast, riding around on his bike and being like, "When is my life going to begin?" So, it's that kind of thing. There's a story, and Be McCre did our score, and he's an absolutely wonderful composer. Him and his brother did a song that ends the movie, and it's a [__] jam—it's a total earworm. You're like, "Oh my God!" My friend put it on Shazam or whatever because he's like, "Where have I heard that before?" I was like, "You never heard it; just [__] created it." But it's called 24 Karat Case of Love because, in the movie, as in real life, on the episode of Modcast that we did years ago, you hear me talking about my ex-girlfriend, and I was like, "I got a 24 Karat case of love." That's what broke Moer up the most; he was like, "You [__] unbelievable!" You know, he just attacked me and [__]. So I put that in the flick.

So, Barry McCre and his brother wrote this closing song for the movie, and he goes, "You got to listen to it, man. I think you'll like it." The hook of the song is, "I got a 24 Karat case of love," and I was like, "Oh my God!" So I wrote to Barry, and I was like, "Bro, you took the dumbest [__] [__] I ever said on the earth and made it a pretty [__] wicked earworm hook for the song." He goes, "Don't [__] on that!" He's going, "You saying 'I got a 24 Karat case of love' is the kind of thing that a 16-year-old boy says." Yeah, because it's 24 Karat, real strong, or it's kind of mid-strong. For me, nothing gets stronger than a [__] 24K because we didn't have diamonds in our world; we were lower, lower, lower, lower, lower. We were poor. Yeah, so like 24 Karat gold is what my mom had—a 24 Karat gold wedding band. Oh yeah, so 24K love—that's my divorce too, is that right? Yeah. But so, 24 Karat—he took things from those moments of me riding around.

=> 01:27:41

Create your own world of yes and embrace the journey, because the alternative of doing nothing is far scarier than facing rejection.

I think you'll like it. The hook of the song is "I got a 24 Karat case of love," and I was like, oh my God! So, I wrote to Baron and said, "Bro, you took the dumbest [ ] [ ] I ever said on the earth and made it a pretty [ __ ] wicked earworm hook for the song." He responded, "Don't [ __ ] on that." He explained that saying "I got a 24 Karat case of love" is the kind of thing that a 16-year-old boy says. Yeah, because it's 24 Karat—real strong or kind of mid-strong. For me, nothing gets stronger than a 24K because we didn't have diamonds in our world; we were poor. My mom had a 24 Karat gold wedding band. Oh yeah, so 24K love—that's my divorce too, is that right?

So, about 24 Karat, he took things from those moments when I was riding around, and he took that exact [ ] line and made it the hook for the song. He said, **"Never [ ] regret saying that." He added, "That's what you say when you're 16."** I didn't have the heart to tell him that I actually said that when I was 22, but whatever, dude. There's something so magical about it.

So, wait, were you raised in Tennessee? I was raised in Louisiana. In what part? In a place called Covington, Louisiana. Oh, you serious? Yeah, it's about one hour from New Orleans, North. We shot Jay and Silent Bob Reboot there—that's a [ ] fantastic place. No way! Oh my God, Louisiana was so [ ] good to us. I'll always remember that.

You made a movie there too, didn't you? Well, we went to the Joy Theater and showed Jay and Silent Bob Reboot when we were on tour, but we shot there, and that was the post-attack movie. So, that was a movie where I was like, "Holy [ ], I was supposed to be [ ] dead." So, I'm just going to make the movie I want to make [ __ ] everything else, and that was Jay and Silent Bob Reboot.

We had to go to Louisiana because we couldn't do it in Jersey; it was a road movie and stuff like that. Louisiana had a fantastic [ ] rebate, they had a great [ ] crew, and the people were so [ ] wonderful. We shot during Mardi Gras, so we took two days down. We actually shot on Mardi Gras at the courthouse because they were like, "That's the only day we're closed." We were like, "Great, we'll use the courthouse that day." Everyone was so [ ] cool, man. I didn't even [ ] with the party half of the city. The cast and people who flew in to be in the movie would go to like Bourbon Street. I didn't even get that [ ] far, man.

It was just like work probably too when you're putting a movie together; it's a lot. How do you know when you're ramping up to do a movie? Things get pretty intense pretty quick, right? And then there's just that day where you have to start. How crazy is that first day? Because that's a—I mean, it's rare that there's such a huge leap that you can't go back; like you are moving forward.

It's begun. You spend so much time trying to get to that moment that when the moment happens, you're already prepared. You better be [ ] prepared. If you're not, it's like, **"What the [ ] are you crying about all this time?"** You knew this was coming; you pushed for it; you wanted this, right?

That's why, after everything I do, no matter whether it works or doesn't work, there are two things I always say to myself. Generally, it's more helpful if it doesn't work. One is like, "You wanted this." Like, "Oh my God, you changed the course of human events to make this [ __ ] movie happen." And [ ], like, "You dreamed about this." You somehow found millions of dollars and convinced people to give up their time to do this [ ] make pretend with you. So, it doesn't matter if it didn't do what you wanted; you wanted this. You better [ __ ] enjoy it because it's going to pass quick.

The second thing I always tell myself is, "What was the alternative?" Did you even have an alternative? Was the alternative to not do the thing? Then that's not the alternative because knowing that I could do the thing and knowing that I could accomplish it, and then not doing the thing would eat at me like a [ ] cancer. That's sad when you know you can accomplish something but you don't do it because you're like, **"Nah, well [ ], what if somebody doesn't like it?"**

Like I mentioned before, it's so scary though—all creative butthole to somebody. Think about that. That's why this is a safe environment. You create a thing where you're like, "These are my rules, my house." I don't have—you don't worry when a new episode goes up. You don't even think about it; you feel like, "Oh, I recorded that a couple days ago or last week or something like that." But you've built the thing for yourself that is so [ __ ] foolproof, and you can avoid sidestepping the world of rejection and the world of no. You went to here and you created a world of yes for yourself.

=> 01:31:13

Don't let fear of rejection stop you from creating; build your own world of yes and make it as easy as breathing.

Knowing that I could accomplish it and then not doing the thing would eat at me like a cancer. It's sad when you know you can accomplish something, but you don't do it because you're like, "Nah, what if somebody doesn't like it?" Like I mentioned before, drawing is so scary. However, this is why it's important to create a safe environment. You create a space where you're like, "These are my rules, my house." You don't have to worry when a new episode goes up; you don't even think about it. You feel like, "Oh, I recorded that a couple of days ago or last week or something like that."

You've built something for yourself that is so foolproof that you can sidestep the world of rejection and the world of "no." You went to this place and created a world of yes for yourself, so you don't have that weird trepidation at the beginning of every show. You're like, "This is EXA; I engineered this to be as easy for me as breathing." When you're making a film or something like that, there are way more people involved.

You've also been dying to do this. Sometimes, it's taken 10 years to get to this point. We've been working on trying to get this movie together, and all the agents haven't done anything. So finally, we got some of our own friends involved, and we're going to put in some of our own money. That's what I was going to say: based on that Celsius case, there's no way that you don't have enough of your own money. You probably have enough in your pocket to say, "Yeah, I wish, dude. You can have that thing, brother. I'm sending that to you." It is so possible to do.

I tell my kid all the time, my kid who, again, I love—your daughter, my daughter Harley Quinn. She's in one of the movies; she was in Quentin's movie. I always lead with that. She's been in a bunch of my movies, but nobody gives a damn about Kevin Smith movies. She was in "Once Upon a Time in Hollywood," so I always lead with that. Believe me, she leads with that too. She never leads with, "Yeah, I was in Jay and Silent Bob Reboot," but she played Jay's daughter in "Jay and Silent Bob." What was the one? Oh, yeah, "Yoga Hosers," the one I got beat the hell out of.

I mean, you think I got beat up for putting a picture of myself crying on the internet. "Yoga Hosers," I got destroyed. They were like, "Bend over, and it went in dry." I remember the AV Club was like, "Ew, Kevin Smith and Johnny Depp are going to force us to watch a play date with their children." It's like, "Bro, you don't have to watch it." But I've been around the internet for a while, so I've watched the culture get way more toxic.

Here's the thing: for as long as I've been online—I've been online since 1996—I remember the first troll. It was like, "What? Why would you spend time here?" You probably got one of the first trolls ever, legit, 100%. I remember there was a dude I reached out to, a troll, to try to understand. This was a dude who was on Ain't It Cool News, and he had written some nonsense about me, but it was incorrect. That was the thing. If somebody wrote something about me as their opinion, what the hell hurts, but it's like you can't do anything about it.

This dude had said something completely incorrect, so I wrote to him. You can click on their name and hit their email, so I wrote to the dude. I was like, "Hey, I'm Kevin Smith, and you said this stuff about me. I can't do anything about your opinion, but the one thing you said is factually untrue, so I just wanted to correct that." If you're going to go out and say things, you should at least get the facts right. The dude wrote back, "I don't know who you are, but I know you're one of the names that if I throw out on Ain't It Cool News, a bunch of people will jump to your defense, and that's how I like to hang out at night."

That blew my mind. This was in the year 2000, I want to say, maybe before I did "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back," which has the whole ending of them going around beating up people on the internet from a message board. So, I was there. I'm not saying that was the first troll, but that was one of my first trolls. He said he liked doing it because he enjoyed the chaos, and that’s how he spent his night. That’s a legit response that a human being sent me. That’s not a made-up story; that’s not like I met a guy who said that happened.

I was so flabbergasted by that. I'm not anymore because I understand that it's cheap entertainment for someone. Like going to the movies or going out to dinner, it's like, "Order some pizza, mates, and I'm just going to jump online and be like, 'This guy sucks,' and then watch people react." So, I've watched the internet get way more toxic.

=> 01:34:33

The internet can be a toxic playground, but it also connects us to incredible people who lift us up when we need it most.

The discussion begins with a reflection on the toxic nature of the internet and the experiences of trolling. The speaker recounts a memory of one of their first trolls, who expressed enjoyment in trolling others as a way to spend his night. This response was surprising at first, but over time, the speaker has come to understand that for some, this behavior serves as cheap entertainment, akin to going to the movies or dining out. Instead of engaging in traditional leisure activities, some individuals choose to jump online and provoke reactions from others.

As the speaker observes, the internet has indeed become more toxic, but it also provides access to wonderful people who offer support and encouragement. This duality is significant; while the internet allows for negative interactions, it also enables connections with those who say amazing things that can uplift someone who may struggle with self-esteem. The speaker admits to feeling broken and acknowledges that part of their motivation for their work stems from a desire for validation, akin to the feeling of having a parent display your achievements on the fridge.

The speaker elaborates on the nature of trolls, noting that some engage in trolling for entertainment, while others genuinely hate what you do. This phenomenon is reminiscent of the way some people engage with figures like Howard Stern—whether out of love or hate, they still tune in. The speaker reflects on their own experience with this dynamic, noting that they have been a prominent figure on the internet long enough to recognize their role in it.

In a more personal anecdote, the speaker shares a recent post on Instagram about doing a podcast with their daughter, Harley. They describe her as a good kid with a strong head on her shoulders. Harley played a significant role in the speaker's decision to adopt a vegan lifestyle after a heart attack, encouraging them to try it for health reasons. The speaker acknowledges that Harley not only saved their life but also recognized the potential impact of their journey as a public figure in the vegan movement.

The conversation then shifts to a lighter topic—whether being vegan affects sexual performance. The speaker humorously confirms that they can still achieve an erection, despite being on blood thinners due to their heart condition. They describe the experience as workable but not as intense as it once was. The speaker shares a humorous take on morning wood, suggesting that if they were inclined to send explicit photos, that would be the time to do so. However, they note that their wife is not interested in intimacy before noon, leading to a playful resignation about their situation.

Finally, the speaker reflects on their marriage, using their wife as an example of how one can achieve their goals by modifying expectations. They humorously point out that their wife did not initially envision marrying someone who looks like them, contrasting their appearance with the football players she dated in high school. Yet, when they met, she was willing to work with what she had, demonstrating the importance of acceptance and adaptability in relationships.

=> 01:37:57

Modify your expectations and find happiness in the unexpected.

My wife, like, she's like, "I don't [] before noon." So, we've been together for almost 25 years, and at this point, I understand that I'm going to wait until like one or two. I'm a little sad because I'm not saying she's missing out; she ain't missing []. She knows me enough. You know, I was saying before, I tell people all the time, like, you can achieve your goals; you just have to modify your expectations. I was like, you know, my wife, I always use her as an example. I was like, Jennifer didn't want to marry a guy who looked like me. I saw the dude she dated in high school; she was a cheerleader, and she dated football players.

But when we met, she was like, "Alright, he ain't my ideal, but I can work with this." So, she modified her expectations, and we've been together for over a century. If you modify your expectations, some people think that's lowering them. I'm like, "No, no, no, modifying your expectations means you can be happy."

Now, do you have sex under the covers when you're married or on top of the covers? For me, it's under, and I'm also a shirt-on guy. I've never taken my shirt off during sex. Do you take your shirt off during sex? You look like you're one of those dudes who probably, when you're making out, it's like in the movies, and you push back and take your shirt off. That's a part of the seduction. I could never do that. If I did that and stepped back, took my shirt off, my tits would come out, and they'd be like, "Oh, let me slurp on those little [__] hammocks."

You take your shirt off, don't you? Sometimes I will, sometimes I won't. I'll walk out of the room backwards, though, because I don't like people seeing my butt. Are you serious? I'll kind of walk, huh? Not that I think it's unattractive; I just don't know. It's your least attractive feature. I think it's fine, but it's like after everyone's already in the situation, and everybody's on a different plane together, and their senses are coming back, you're like, "They see my ass, I'm [__]."

Well, it turns out you were just [__] at that point; they could see your ass. Job's done, son! Yeah, but nobody can see your butt while you're making love to them. It's just the way God did it. If that is not the title of your biography, I object. Nobody could see your butt if you're making love to them.

Theo Von: Stories and Other Whimsical Notions by Theo Von. But it's like, you think your ass is your worst feature. You walk out of the room dick first, so you're like, "Look, keep looking there; don't look at this." Never mind the man; pay attention to the man. No attention to the man behind the curtain. Your ass is the Wizard of Oz, and your dick is what they all see. Your ass is the actual wizard, oh yeah, pulling levers and [__]. My weener is the Cowardly Lion. That's what it is, dude. If I only had blood thinner.

Yeah, back to the original question: you could be vegan and get [__] very easily. I don't come AC. I mean, I guess I know vegans, but I don't know; they don't tell you when you meet. What I love about you, Theo, is your act is like, "I don't know a lot of things," but you're one of the smartest people I've seen. You think so? You're smart, but more importantly, you're clever. Clever goes a lot further than smart in this world.

I am not smart; I've been clever. I don't even think I'm 100% clever all the time, but I think I'm very clever about what to do about being Kevin Smith for a living. So, I'm myopically clever on one very small plane, which has kind of worked out. Managing yourself well, yes. But I think you're smart. I think you're way smarter than you like to let on. You're like Jay; Jay is also like, "I don't know nothing," but I'm like, "Don't play me. I write your character; I know what your intelligence level really is."

While the Jay character is based on who Jay was when he was 16 years old, he's far smarter than that and, to be fair, far more responsible. Hands down, he's the best father I've ever met in my entire life. He's a wonderful [] dad to like two children, shocking because he was like terrible to himself for most of his life. Yeah, I met him at some meetings and stuff. Yeah, he's [] about that. We did a whole podcast for years, and we still kind of quasi do, "Jay and Silent Bob Get Old," which is []. He's coming up, I think, on his 14th anniversary of being sober. The podcast was predicated on like we go to bars and do this live show where he's the only sober person there, and it was all about keeping him sober. So, he would sit there and tell his story about [].

=> 01:41:21

Growth often comes from the most unexpected places; sometimes, the best lessons come from those who have struggled the hardest.

The Jay character is based on who Jay was when he was 16 years old; however, he's far smarter than that and, to be fair, far more responsible. He is, hands down, the best father I've ever met in my entire life. He's a wonderful dad to two children, which is shocking because he was terrible to himself for most of his life. I met him at some meetings, and he's quite open about that. We did a whole podcast for years called Jay and Silent Bob Get Old, which is coming up on its 14th anniversary of him being sober. The podcast was predicated on the idea that we would go to bars and do live shows where he was the only sober person there while everyone else was drinking. It was all about keeping him sober, so he would sit there and tell his story, sharing experiences like, "one time I did this." It was kind of like going to a very fun AA meeting where everyone else was drinking except for the guy who was witnessing.

We got over 100 to 200 episodes out of that, and it was crazy. We even toured off of it. Jason, from the movies, didn't really make a lot of money being in Kevin Smith films; you don't make money being in Kevin Smith films, and you don't make money making them either. However, he made enough money to buy a house because of Jay and Silent Bob. We were clever with the podcast, and I know you're smart.

Sometimes, I think I’m afraid to try. I feel like it's hard for me to get my information clear from my brain to my mouth, and I get afraid to speak up on certain things. For example, I watched a few minutes of your conversation with Sanders and thought, "That was fun." I realized I could talk to people, but I would probably just ask Bernie, "Did you ever see Clerks?" That's where my life begins and ends. You could literally sit there and have a political conversation, while I’m politically not astute, so I don’t think I could hold that conversation, but you did, and you sounded intelligent.

I don’t mean to just say you sound smart; you represent a level of understanding that I admire. When you said, "I don't know nothing," I thought, that's not true. I couldn't have done what you did. This isn't me kissing ass or licking knob; I didn’t watch the whole interview, but for the few minutes I did, I thought, this guy's really smart.

Jordan, Jason Mewes' wife, runs our business, and she was excited when I told her I was going on Theo Von's podcast. She said, "Oh, I love him! I think he's so funny." That was sweet of her. I think he cares about some of the same stuff we do. As our business manager, I told her I would take a picture of that moment to show we’re doing something right.

I know people in the audience might want us to stop talking about it, but they don’t know what it means. I see you as someone who has figured it out. Do you have a network, or is it just your show?

No, it’s just us, really. If you ever start a network, I'll be on it in a heartbeat. I’ll get you plugged in the other room! I mean, I do my work at home in a spare room; I started in my kitchen. Now we just need a place for people to work.

What do you mean by that? While the show is not going on, do you need people in an office? Yes, we have producers around to help with the infrastructure. We don’t have much; we have three huge operations, but it’s fun. However, unless they’re giving you this place for free, you have to pay for it.

I never want to hear you say, "I'm not a smart person" ever again. What was that? You and Jay are in a movie, right? Never mind, I’m not trying to throw him under the bus, but you and Jay could be brothers in a movie.

Hold on, this is happening in real time! What would we do? I wonder if you want to come. We're doing a movie early next year called Jay and Silent Bob Store Wars, which is about them having a dispensary and then someone opening a dispensary across the street. They are opposites in every way, and they battle for the whole movie. You’re legit; I’m not just saying this because I’m...

=> 01:44:51

Creating movies is about capturing those overwhelming moments that make us feel alive, even if it means making pretend for a living.

There are three huge operations, but yeah, it's fun. However, a place like this is unless they're giving you this place for free, you got to pay for it. No, they're not. Did you—I never want to hear this—I'm not a smart person ever again.

What was that, Jay? You and M are in a movie, bro. Never mind David B; I ain't trying to throw him under the bus, but you and Jay in a movie? You could be his brother. Oh, hold on, this is happening in real time. What would we do? I wonder, do you want to come? We're doing a movie next year, early next year: Jay and Silent Bob Store Wars, which is about them having a dispensary, and then somebody opens a dispensary across the street. They're like their opposites in every way, and they battle for the whole movie.

You legit—I'm not just saying this because I'm on the podcast—but like, your vibe is very Jay-like. Number one, I know this would make my boss happy; like, Jordan would be like, "Yes, you could come in and play Jay's brother who's never been in a movie before." Jordan Monsanto, the person you just told—that's Jordan, Jay's wife. Jordan runs our company and produces the movies as well. She does? Yeah, she's been our producer for years; she's been producing since like Tusk. Wow, she's really smart—smarter than both you and I. And I know how smart you are, as previously said.

That's SM, though; she ain't got one of those. "Fu, you wrote this character." I'm not even—I'm fictional. I'm telling you, bro, you playing brother. Wow, really, dude? 100%. I mean, look, I ain't offering you no great shakes; being in a Kevin Smith movie helps nobody. I just heard it doesn't make any money. Oh wow, yeah, and that's their daughter Logan, and then they have a little boy now named Lucien. He wasn't alive when we did this picture; he came afterwards. That was Clerk 3. So yes, yeah, it's dope beef; they got two dispensaries, and they're having dope beef basically. That's cool; it's a war. Yeah, we need that kind of—that's a comedy, but it ain't no studio comedy.

How much does it cost to make a movie like that? What's kind of like your highest budget? That'll be 10. If I can get—I could get between 8 to 10 for a Jay and Silent Bob type thing, Clerks 3 thing. The 430 movie, which is coming out September 13th, presumably—that's what we're here to talk about. But I just came to hang; I just came for the C. No, I want to talk a little bit more about that time. We don't have to, but the 430 movie cost three million bucks. Wow, Saban financed that.

Was it Saban? Saban? Saban? Have they financed some of your other films too? They did Jay and Silent Bob Reboot a couple of years ago. They also did the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. Did they? And how much can you make a real return on a movie like that? You can make a return; you can make your money back and make a little scratch. I think I can stay in the business for as long as I—for three decades—when I'm well past my due date because I could always pivot to inexpensive.

A lot of people are like, "Well, it's got to be 20 million, right?" Can't do it. I'm the other guy where I'm like, "Oh, I could do it for three." Whether we could do it for three or not, it's like we'll get there; we'll cram it into that number. I privilege the idea of making a movie—like, everyone doesn't get to do that. It's a weird proposition where you say to somebody, "Can you give me a lot of money to make pretend?" Most people are like, "Just make pretend by themselves for free." And you're like, "I can't quite do it."

I realize my job is such—it's full of lies, man. It's a pack of lies. Basically, what I try to do in life is capture—artificially capture—a moment that happened to me that made my head or heart feel something so overwhelmingly wonderful that I was like, "If I could capture that and put it in a movie and show people how it felt, I bet you other people would identify with that." So it was like all county. I mean, I guess absolutely to some degree, right? If that was your speed or whatever the—but like the idea of like—I was on set, and I guess it was because the 430 movie is the first.

It's cool because it's like in the '80s or '90s—'80s. It just had this free feeling when you couldn't—when your imagination—where if you wondered if a girl cared about you, all you could do is lay on your back on the floor in your room, listening to like Nirvana or something, put together over wondering and praying and pining and just dry humping the carpet that this woman cared about you. Shy of dry humping the carpet, which I ain't against, but that was never part of my repertoire.

You've exactly nailed the feeling—me trying to capture that feeling.

=> 01:48:32

Good enough is often better than perfect; it’s the key to longevity in creativity.

The conversation begins with a reflection on the feeling of nostalgia associated with the '80s and '90s. The speaker reminisces about being on set, describing how the experience was influenced by the era's culture. They evoke a time when, if you wondered whether a girl cared about you, all you could do was lay on your back on the floor of your room, listening to Nirvana or similar music, while pining and praying for her affection. The speaker humorously adds that, aside from "dry humping the carpet," they never engaged in that behavior, but they appreciate the sentiment behind it.

The speaker emphasizes that they are trying to capture that raw feeling in their movies. They candidly admit that they weren't wealthy, recalling their experience with shag carpet and how they had wall-to-wall carpeting that was inexpensive. This leads to a light-hearted discussion about the state of their carpet, humorously noting that it was so cheap that one could "pee on our carpet," and indeed, others did.

Transitioning to the topic of filmmaking, the speaker reflects on the nature of their work as a filmmaker and how it relates to truth. They express a preference for podcasting because it feels more genuine—everything is true, as opposed to the artificiality often present in movies. They mention their film Tusk, where characters are podcasting, and how that moment captures a feeling of absolute joy. The speaker explains that once a moment is shared through film, it becomes a part of the audience's experience, allowing them to revisit that joy throughout their lives.

When discussing the preparation for a movie, the speaker warns about common pitfalls that filmmakers can avoid. They highlight that regardless of budget—whether it's 3 million or 300—the complaints about insufficient time and money are universal among filmmakers. They stress the importance of being prepared, especially for first-timers. The speaker advises that rehearsal is crucial, recalling how they rehearsed extensively for films like Clerks and Chasing Amy before shooting. This preparation helps ensure that takes are efficient, which is vital on a film set where time is money.

The speaker shares their personal philosophy on filmmaking, stating that they do not strive for excellence in the same way that some filmmakers, like Christopher Nolan, might. Instead, they focus on what they call "good enough." They reflect on their career, noting that if they had aimed for perfection, they might still be frozen in the process of creating their first film. They emphasize that "good enough" has served them well for 30 years, allowing them to keep moving forward in their career.

Finally, the speaker acknowledges that while "good enough" has worked for them, it may not be the mindset for those aiming for the highest accolades, such as an Oscar. They conclude with a humorous note about the extremes some filmmakers go to, referencing the intense performances of actors like Leonardo DiCaprio, who famously fought a bear in a film.

=> 01:51:56

Good enough is often better than perfect; it gets you moving forward and keeps the joy alive in the process.

At the beginning of my career, I started with Clerks, and it was never about striving for perfection. If I had been aiming for perfection, I don't think I would have ever made my first film; I would still be sitting there, frozen, wondering what it would be like. Instead, I learned that good enough can take you very far. In fact, good enough has taken me 30 years. On the set of Clerks, when we were shooting, I would often say, "Cut, um, all right, that's good enough, let's move on, let's do something else." Good enough has gotten me here, to this chair, and I believe it will get you as far as you need to go.

Now, I understand that this might not be considered "winner talk." If you want to win an Oscar, you have to leave it all on the table, make people hurt, and create movies where actors like Leonardo DiCaprio are fighting a bear or sitting in the snow. Those films require a level of commitment that I simply do not possess. I just like to make pretend and maybe earn a little money from it. I can't authentically approach filmmaking with the mindset that everything must be perfect at the cost of everyone involved. There are directors who do that, and while I respect them to some extent, I wouldn't do that to my cast and crew. Those movies are often successful because they have a clear vision and the passion of a filmmaker behind them. However, if I were to attempt something like that, it wouldn't work.

Firstly, I don't have the talent for it. Secondly, I lack the patience. And thirdly, I can't put others through that experience. I want people to leave my set feeling like they had a good time. This approach helps me keep my budgets low; my crew comes back and works for scale because they know that while I may not pay a lot, they will have a good time on set and create happy memories.

Good enough gets me to the set. If I've rehearsed enough before we shoot, I can usually get it in one or two takes, and then I say, "Good enough, moving on." All that time adds up, and that's money saved. I suppose at some point in your career, you might strive for perfection, but honestly, I never have, and I've been doing this for 30 years. Some people, especially in the Letterboxd crowd, might be disgusted by that thought, thinking, "Oh, he doesn't even try." But I do try; I've been doing this for 30 years. I show up, I deliver, and I just don't make everyone's life miserable in the process.

I have a vision and an idea of where we're going, and I want everyone to have a good time doing it. Otherwise, what’s the point? If people on set are miserable while making pretend for a living, then everyone has failed, and this job shouldn't be like that. It should be fun; after all, we are making pretend for a living. I understand that some people believe "art is pain," but I don't subscribe to that notion. While filmmaking is indeed an art form, it doesn't have to be painful. It can be very cathartic, and many folks can't pivot from that mindset.

I am the guy who says, "That's good enough, let's move on." Every one of my movies is good enough; they don't have to be great. I saw someone on Twitter recently say that a film has "one or two really brilliant ideas" and the rest is just some "horeshit." I thought, "Yeah, that's it." You don't have to keep watching if you don't like that kind of thing. But I'm lucky; I manage to have one or two good ideas amidst the "horeshit," especially after 30 years in the industry.

It's fascinating because if you're always aiming for perfection, you might find that many people don't even go that far. The fear of not being prepared for perfection often prevents them from taking that first step. I accepted early on that I would never be perfect, and you are never the dictator of your work. I don't mean "dictator" in an autocratic sense; you don't get to dictate what your creation is. You make something with one intention, but ultimately, the audience will tell you what that thing is and what it means.

I often share a story relevant to this conversation. When I was making The 430 Movie, I was shooting a scene with three boys in a car, and they were just goofing off while driving, dancing, and playing.

=> 01:55:14

Perfection is an illusion; create with intention and let your audience define the impact.

Taking the step or facing the fear of not being able to achieve perfection is a common struggle. I accepted early on that I am never going to be perfect, and I realized that I am not the dictator of this process. I don’t mean "dictator" in the sense of an autocrat; rather, you don’t get to dictate whether or not that thing is what you say it is. You create something with one intention, and ultimately, the audience will tell you what that thing is and what it means.

This brings to mind a story I tell often, so I apologize if you've heard it before. When I was making the 430 movie, I was shooting a scene with three boys in a car. They were just goofing off, dancing while driving to Chaka Khan's "I Feel for You." For direction, I approached the vehicle and said, "Kids, you’re just goofing around and dancing, whatever you want—just as long as you make it iconic." I then walked away, and that put all their heads up. Nick, who plays Bernie in the movie, remarked, "That's your direction? Make it iconic? That's a little pressure, don't you think?"

I realized then that I have the benefit of experience; after 30 years in this industry, I understand that every decision made in real time is like dropping a stone in water and watching the ripple effect. It’s fascinating to think about what people will concentrate on years from now regarding a seemingly small moment in a movie. I mean it when I say, "Just make it iconic," because people will be watching this scene forever. It will hopefully connect with them, even if they weren’t alive in 1986. A current-day teenager could see that joy in the scene.

These moments may seem fleeting, but I promise you, this movie will be someone’s life preserver—a buoy that keeps them from drowning. I know this from experience. Last year, at the Dallas Fan Expo, a guy in his late 20s or early 30s approached me with a very well-worn copy of Mallrats on VHS. I was struck by this ancient piece of Americana and asked him how many times he had watched it. He replied, "A lot," and when I asked who to sign it for, he said he wanted it made out to his son. I inquired about the story behind it, and he rocked my world with his response.

He explained, "I'm going to give this to my son when he’s older. This is the movie that saved my life." I thanked him, knowing that I often hear sentiments like that—people saying, "Your show saved my life," or "You’re the difference between me going crazy and not." Sometimes, while driving, I think about how my work has made people laugh when they needed it most.

However, this guy was serious. He shared that his father used to beat him every day after school. He would come home, and his father would mercilessly beat him to the point of near death. He would then crawl to his bedroom, a bloody mess, and escape into Mallrats. He found solace with TS, Brody, Jay, and Silent Bob, and that was his happy place—his way of surviving living with his father.

Now, he has a son and is determined to be the opposite of the piece of shit his father was. He wants to give his son this tape when he’s old enough to understand that he can survive anything because his father survived the absolute worst, and this movie was what he clung to. Naturally, I gave him a big hug and said, "No, dude, you survived that. This is just a movie that might have helped, but when you share of yourself like that, you create something powerful."

It doesn’t matter what we do—whether it’s movies, shows, or live performances—when you make something, it can have a profound impact. People cherish that kind of connection.

=> 01:58:46

Every moment matters; you never know what will be the lifeline for someone else.

Father, through this [ ] tape, he goes, "Now I have a son, and he's going, and I would never be the piece of [ ] that my [ __ ] father was to me my whole life. I want to give my kid this tape when he's old enough so he understands he could survive anything because his father survived the absolute worst, and this was what he clung to." Wow.

Naturally, I gave him a big hug and said, "No dude, you survived that [ __ ]. This is just a movie that might have helped, but when you share of yourself like that, you go off and make something. It doesn't matter what it is. When it comes to movies, they have this weird impact. It doesn't matter what we do when it comes to this show or your live shows, but particularly when you make something like a movie, people cherish that kind of thing. You're in and out; there's an engagement period of 90 minutes to two hours that takes you on a ride and then brings you back, leaving you where you were.

Everyone knows what to expect in that, and over the course of their lifetime, they've turned to movies in times of trial every year to feel good. So you create that, and you become that for somebody else. The movie you're talking about, Megan, with Spade, I guarantee you one day somebody will come up to you and tell you a story as heartbreaking yet as wonderful as that, which is something you didn't even give that much thought to. Like if my man came up and said, "Dogma saved my life," I'd be like, "I understand it, man. I worked hard on that, and that movie is pretty [ __ ] profound on some levels."

Yes, it has a lot of butt [ ] jokes, but I like to balance it out. When somebody tells you like "Mallrats saved their life," you're like, "I wasn't thinking of that when I made that movie." Do you think 25-year-old Kevin Smith was going, "Uh, this is gonna save somebody's life?" Hold on, Jay, get ready to [ ] swing me across the [ ] mall. You know, you don't think about that. So when I told the kids to make it iconic, that's what it comes down to. Even the things you're not thinking about as being important, you think are dismissive or just, "Oh, it's just a moment in a movie," someone will find that as the buoy that keeps them from [ ] drowning.

So every moment then is kind of important. But isn't that the lesson of life in general? Every moment is kind of important, man. You know, when I was in The Nut House, they say all sorts of simplistic [ ], which is [ ] really helpful. You could put it on a towel and stuff in a kitchen aphorism or whatever, and what they say is, "Every day is a gift; that's why it's called the present." And it's kind of true; it's absolutely true.

So often, we're so [ ] bored as a species that we don't think about it. You're only going to get so many breaths; you're only going to get so many heartbeats and [ ]. I always tell my wife after the heart attack, I was like, "Uh, I'm living on borrowed time." And she's like, "That's [ ] maob." I was like, "No, I'm painfully aware we're all living on borrowed time. I'm just [ ] well aware of it, so I act accordingly."

Do you think, as a creator, did you ever want to invent something? Did you ever think about inventing something but didn't do it? Because a lot of times, people who are creative think about things like, "Is there ever not an invention?" Like [ __ ] Floby or something. But is there anything that kind of stood out in your head?

I thought, like, I've been trying to make this movie "Moose Jaws" for ten years. One day, I'm going to get it; it's going to happen. I'm going to find the money for it, and eventually, I'm going to get to the place where I'm like, "You know what? I'll just put up my house." I ain't got the [ __ ] money, but I got a nice house where I could probably live in that Celsius cooler if you want. I will! I'll sell my house, live there. I'm like, "Honey, get ready."

Because I always tell, like, who invented the swimming pool or whatever? I always think about who invented certain stuff, you know? Or like, and then I think if I would want to have an invention. I thought of a dog collar or whatever that, if a dog howled, it would help the dog learn how to howl more melodically or adorably, you know? So eventually, the howl is not just like, "Oh," it's like, "Oh, there's somebody to howl with." Because they always harmonize when there's more than one. The lonely dog—it's almost like having a pocket pal.

B Biv dog or dog B or something. Mees Spaniel—first draft for a name, but I like where you're going with it. Okay, good! But would it be beautiful if you're laying there and one of them howls? You like these [ __ ].

=> 02:02:04

Creative expression is about finding your unique voice, even if it feels like learning a new language.

You know, I often think about inventions. For instance, I once imagined a dog collar that would help dogs learn to howl more melodically. Growing up, there were a lot of howling dogs in my neighborhood, and I thought it would be adorable if a collar could help them harmonize. It would be like having a pocket pal for those lonely dogs. I even came up with a first draft name: "B Biv Dog" or "Dog B."

Wouldn't it be beautiful if you were lying there and one of them howled, and then they all started singing in unison? I thought about creating a group collar for a neighborhood or small region, which would be pretty cool. Just imagine three neighborhood dogs coming together and forming their own version of Nirvana. You wouldn't even need to know the lyrics; you would just feel the music. That's the beautiful thing about art—you can connect with it on an emotional level without understanding every detail.

If I were a singer, I could open my mouth, sing a note, and you'd know how I felt. If I were a painter, I could take a blank canvas, put some color on it, and you'd understand my emotions. But I chose directing as my art form, which I sometimes think is the dumbest art form because it requires significant resources and collaboration. I often feel like a filmmaker who took four years of high school Spanish, got C's and D's, and then tried to pass as a local in Spain. Visually speaking, storytelling is not my first language.

If movies were just two dudes sitting down and talking, I might be more successful. I could be making that Theo Von money! But when it comes to inventions, I feel like I’m not creative enough. I often find myself too self-involved, focused on my own world, and I’ve never thought about creating something that would benefit others.

You've had the opportunity to direct some incredibly talented people, like George Carlin and Ben Affleck. I wonder if there's something that stands out about talented actors in general. Is there a common thread among those who can grab people's attention? That's a cool question, and I do believe in what the kids today call Riz or Aura. Those who have it tend to work a lot because they possess a natural charisma that makes them captivating on camera.

Take someone like Brad Pitt, for example. He seems born to be in front of the camera. While one could argue that he learned how to act over time, he has an attractive presence that draws people in. He appears relaxed and natural, often underacting rather than overdoing it. You never get the feeling that he’s trying too hard; he just exists in the moment.

When you reach a certain level in casting, you notice that all the actors have that Riz. They become like Jedi, effortlessly captivating audiences with their charm and presence.

=> 02:05:33

Charisma isn't just about talent; it's about being effortlessly yourself, even when the world is watching.

Sure, maybe, but like, number one, he's attractive to look at in the movies. We like to look at attractive people and stuff. Number two, he seems very relaxed and natural, so you never feel like he's acting. It almost seems like he's underacting. A lot of times, he's just not phoning it in, but he ain't trying. Man, you don't get the feeling that this thirsty [__] is really going for it; he's just there, and he eats all the time in the movies. He's always just sitting there [__] eating and [__] casual as [__]. So that dude's got like dripping with charisma; that's why he's a goddamn movie star.

When you reach that level, like where you're casting people who've been in other things that are famous, they're all [__]. They all got the Riz; they're all Jedi. At a certain point, you start working with complete Jedi across the board. It's just a matter of how Jedi are they, how [__] powerful are they, and stuff. Like, everyone could do it, but some people are exceptional.

For example, Michael Parks, the guy that was in Red State for us in Tusk, he's the crazy old man in Red State. He passed on, rest in power. That dude was like brilliant, the finest actor I've ever met, the best actor I've ever met in my life. He gives an eight-minute hate speech in Red State that, like, I'm not going to say it almost convinces you, but you forget that it's a vile [__] speech that he's giving because it's delivered so incredibly well and through the southern PTO that he chose and stuff. That guy has had it; he's passed now.

But yes, to the question, absolutely, I think it's—there's other words for it. People always say they got it, but for lack of a better description, it would be the Riz. They got the Riz and ready to go, man.

Do you think it's kind of gross how the media always takes pictures of Ben Affleck looking sad? You know, or trying to make him look sad? That's only because the public's interested in it. If they did it once and nobody clicked on it, they wouldn't run that story again. But people find it fascinating, where they're like, "Why is that guy, who must be so rich and has it all, why does he look like that?" And you got struggles with addiction, right? They know that that's happening.

So, like, isn't it gross then at that point to—if you know somebody has, like, because alcohol—do I think it's fair? No, but like he knew the job was dangerous when he took it. He's in a high-profile public position; unfortunately, that comes along with it. You can't just sign up for movie star worldwide global fame and go like, "Yeah, but nobody can take pictures of me when I'm not in a good mood," right? Like, that's part of the rule. If you go out in the world, we live in a world of cameras; that's going to happen.

But it only keeps happening because they did it once, and people clicked on it and found it interesting, and then started making memes about it. So then people keep feeding the beast. So, I—you know, do I think it's fair? Well, let's break it down like this. I'll break it down like a Catholic.

You know, Ben's life is pretty wonderful from the outside; it looks like, and even from the inside, knowing him, it's pretty wonderful. Ben's gotten to see a lot of his dreams come true. If the cost is every once in a while somebody's like, "He looks [__] sad when he's drinking Dunkin' Donuts," yeah, I mean, at the end of the day, you got to let that [__] go. Now, that's easy for me to say as a guy who, like, still finds himself dipping into the comments going, "What are they saying about me?" which is [__] a recipe for disaster.

Ben is not that guy, as far as I know. Ben has never had a social media account. I mean, he's had a social media account, but somebody else fed into it; he was not the guy posting. So he ain't looking for that [__]; he's not real public and stuff. But it comes along with the job. If you're going to be the guy who, you know, you were one half of the Good Will Hunting boys that the whole world fell in love with, you took your mom to the Oscars—come on, there's nothing cuter about that. They're masshole kids and whatnot, and you know a lot of—and the Patriots won so much and the fervency that goes along with that.

But then sometimes, not [__] him. No, yeah, sorry, but yeah, it just comes along with it. So if you don't want that anymore, give up the other thing. But unfortunately, it's just a byproduct of the job that you've chosen. Like, you know, if Ben was a teacher in Cambridge, he could go out, smoke a cigarette, drink Dunkin' Donuts, and look like he's having an existential crisis all he wants, and nobody would give a [__]. Yeah, true, because he's Ben Affleck. People have this idea that like he—

=> 02:09:11

Success doesn't guarantee happiness; even the brightest stars face everyday struggles.

You know, you were one half of the Good Will Hunting boys that the whole world fell in love with. You took your moms to the Oscars; come on, there's nothing cuter than that! They’re Masshole kids and whatnot, and you know a lot about it. The Patriots won so much, and the fervency that goes along with that is undeniable. But sometimes, it’s just a byproduct of the job that you've chosen. If you don't want that anymore, you have to give up the other thing. Unfortunately, that’s just how it is.

If Ben was a teacher in Cambridge, he could go out, smoke a cigarette, drink Dunkin' Donuts, and look like he's having an existential crisis without anyone caring. People have this idea that he should be happier than that, and it’s like, come on, man! I live in a world of three-act structure, and I realize it has really messed me up for my entire life. Three-act structure is movies, and they always have an ending that’s generally on the happy side. There’s an ending and a conclusion, and when those credits roll, those characters don’t have to go back to work on Monday and just have a normal day. You don’t see them fail or see that couple that fell in love fall apart. Movies are happy snapshots of moments, and most people think someone like Affleck has it made; he must be happy every second of the day.

But I don’t think that’s true. I think he’s probably just a regular dude. If someone suffers from alcoholism, they know that it’s a condition, and it just seems egregious to me to show someone looking depressed. I wouldn’t do that to somebody; it just seems wrong. I generally don’t engage in that sort of thing, but I want to take a moment to shout you out for this. That’s very sweet of you, Theo. Most people go in the other direction; people love a train wreck. Nobody goes to the train station to see the train come in on time unless you’re getting on the train. But if it’s a train wreck, oh, let’s go look at the bodies, as George Carlin would say.

It’s nice to hear you say that you don’t like that. You have a line where you’re like, “This guy’s got drinking problems or he had drinking problems; this might make him drink again.” That’s human to think that way. The rest of the world doesn’t think that way; they look at that guy and say, “Forget him, he’s got it all.” So now, if the Pats are winning, it’s all about him.

Are you a sports guy? I am a little bit. I have two more questions. Did you go to Stanley's funeral? I did not go to Stanley's funeral. Did you think about it? I don’t know if you guys were even close. I went to Stanley's final birthday party, which was in December, just a few months before he passed away. He was 95 and almost made it to 96. I still have pictures on my phone from that party. When they buried him, I didn’t get invited, and I’m not saying, “Oh, forget them,” but there was no invitation or anything.

We were really close, man. In the last year of his life, nobody was close to him because of the situation; people kept him away from others. There was kind of an elder abuse situation going on. That party was on December 28, 2017, his happy birthday, and he died a few months after that. The last year of his life was tough to be around him—not because he was an awful person, but because you couldn’t get near him. The people in charge of him kept everyone away. I couldn’t text or call him anymore, so I didn’t have access toward the end. It was a sad ending for Stan.

I realized that toward the end, we did an Audi commercial when Age of Ultron was coming out. The premise of the commercial was the Stan Lee School of Cameo Acting. He would put on Thor’s helmet and say, “This is acting,” then put on a random general’s helmet and say, “This is cameo acting,” because Stan did a lot of cameos. The whole spot was about that, and then he gets in an Audi and drives away.

=> 02:12:45

Stan Lee wasn't just a comic book creator; he was a visionary who transformed the medium into a cultural phenomenon, teaching us all how to embrace our creativity and passion.

It was tough to be around him, and I don't mean tough to be around him because of any negative qualities. I mean you couldn't get near him; the people who were kind of in charge of him kept everyone away. I couldn't text him anymore or even call him, so I didn't have access. Toward the end, it was a sad ending for Stan. However, I realized that we did a commercial together—an Audi commercial—when Age of Ultron was coming out. The premise of the commercial was like the Stan Lee School of Cameo Acting. He would put on Thor's helmet and say, "This is acting," then put on a random general's helmet and say, "This is cameo acting," because Stan did a lot of cameos.

The whole spot revolved around this concept, and then he gets in an Audi and drives away. In the class were Jason Mewes and Michael Rooker. I had seen it years ago. We shot this spot, and I was hanging out with Stan all day. During the last shot, where a car goes past him hitchhiking—like at the end of The Incredible Hulk—I was with Stan, who was an awesome dude and very nice to me.

Stan's bodyguard, who was also his financial guy, came to the set to watch the end of the shoot. He was hanging out by the monitor, and we were chit-chatting. He expressed how much he loved production and mentioned that Stan was so happy and always had a good time hanging out with me. I said, "Oh, I always like being around Stan too," which seemed like a nice thing to say. Then the guy said something that struck me: "He thinks of you like a son." I was taken aback and thought, "What? Really?" It occurred to me that I always thought he was just being nice to me because we put him in Mallrats. I assumed he was just being his usual, friendly self, but he genuinely liked me as a person.

When I see that picture, I think of that moment. He taught me a lot and had a father-son vibe. He taught me how to be me for a living. He didn't sit me down and say, "This is how you do it," but he was a man who co-created most of the Marvel Universe. Yes, he worked with great artists like Steve Ditko and Jack Kirby, but the imagination that went into it was incredible. I remember talking to him during an interview when he mentioned wanting to write the Great American Novel. I told him, "Stan, you did! You just didn't do it as a book; you did it with the Marvel Universe. It's our modern mythology."

However, he wasn't aiming for that. It was something he did for money and backed into, later benefiting from a cultural shift that favored comic books. He had been banging the symbols for comics since I was a kid. I remember my father calling me one morning as I was getting ready for school, saying, "Get inside! Spider-Man's dad is on TV!" Stan was on Good Morning America, talking about comic books. Here was a grown man on television discussing something I was passionate about, something I knew well and loved. I respected him right away; I knew his voice even before I saw him.

Stan was an artist, don't get me wrong. He co-created all those characters, but that doesn't mean you can make a million books and characters if you don't know how to sell yourself or your work. If you don't, nobody is going to hear about it. A lot of people think he took all the credit himself, but I'm not here to address that. All I know is he pushed the medium of comics so far. He was out there in the mainstream, going to colleges when comic books weren't respected. He was invited to talk about the emerging art form, one of the only true American art forms—the superhero comic book.

This was a man who was out there doing the work, building the rails upon which billion-dollar industries now move. I mean, Deadpool doesn't happen if that doesn't happen. He didn't create Deadpool, nor did he create Wolverine, but he created the playground in which those characters were developed by other creators in the Marvel Universe. So, yeah, I miss him, man. I learned a lot from him.

=> 02:16:28

Love what you create first, and the world will follow.

In the medium of comics, there was a time when he was out there in the mainstream. He would go to colleges before anyone respected comic books, back when colleges viewed them as just these books—this was about 10 to 20 years after Stan wrote these stories. He was invited to come proze and talk about the art form, which was an emerging art form. One of the only true American art forms is the comic book, particularly the superhero comic book. This was a man who was out there doing the work, building the rails upon which billion-dollar streams move.

Now, I mean, Deadpool doesn't happen if that doesn't happen. He didn't create Deadpool, nor did he create Wolverine, but he created the playground in which those two characters were created by other creators in the Marvel Universe. I miss him, man. I learned a lot from him. It's like you can't expect other people to love your work unless you love it first. You have to love it the best. That's what I was saying a long time ago: you're the only audience you can guarantee to satisfy. So, if you keep your budget low—real low—it doesn't matter; go for it. Just don't expect the whole world to come; modify your expectations.

Speaking of expectations, my wife and I watched the 430 movie, which is about 85 minutes long and touches on young love—kind of that first moment. Oh, it's dripping with young love! Do you remember going to your first date movie? Absolutely! The whole movie is about that first date with my high school girlfriend, Kim Lockran, who is now Kim Garby. The flick is set at the movie theater, SM Castle Cinemas, where I went with my friends in Atlantic Highlands. You can go see movies there; we do events all the time. Check out smcastlecinemas.com for events.

In that theater, hanging up behind the ticket counter, is a note that I wrote to Kim Lockran when we were in high school. It said, "Kevin, will you take me to see Dirty Dancing at the Atlantic Highlands Twin Cinema this Thursday or whatever? Love, Kim." So, it's hanging up at the theater because the note was about that theater. I grew up and bought that theater with my friends and kept it alive. The movie is aching with Star-Crossed First Love.

I remember reading a review for Pretty in Pink when I was a kid in the Asbury Park Press, our local paper. I could never figure out who wrote it; it wasn't the person who reviewed films locally. It was a wire service review, but they said, "Sometimes you just want to enjoy a movie where the biggest stakes are whether or not the kids are going to go to the prom." That has stayed with me since that movie—years and years ago, 40 years ago. This movie is incredibly low stakes; it's just like, are they going to go on the date or not? But it's aching with that nostalgia of what it was like to be a kid in those days before there was social media, before you were kind of isolated on your cell phone.

Phones play a big part in the movie, but it's like emergency breakthroughs. There are cordless phones, but it's like pulling up the thing as you talk, and a lot of push-button dialing. It's of an era that shaped me. Most of the movies I've ever made have been about the 90s, so I love that this movie is more about the 80s. It takes you back to '86. It's really like, whereas it's hard on its sleeve, the kids in it are amazing—Austin, Nick, Reed, Sienna—a fantastic cast.

When I finished the script, normally when I make a movie, I'm like, the script's the best thing about it. I always felt that way because I thought we could get a cool cast, but it was all predicated on the script. This is the first time I read one of my scripts and thought, well, I hope the cast is real good because there's not a lot going on in the script. I said, but if the cast is charming, this movie will work, and the cast is crazy wonderful and charming. So, if the movie works at all, it's because of them—because of Ken Jeong, because of Justin Long, and all the people that are in it.

On September 13th, you could see it in theaters and then digitally, of course. I'll share about it on my socials too, man. I remember being that age, praying that my dick would be big. You know, we used to do that all the time, me and my buddy Scott. I was always okay with the size; it wasn't big, but I was like, when did you realize you...

=> 02:19:59

The real magic in a movie often lies in the charm of its cast, not just the script.

In discussing the film, I reflected on my initial thoughts about the script. I was like, "Well, I hope the cast is real good because there's not a lot going on in the script." However, I added, "If the cast is charming, this movie will work." Thankfully, the cast is crazy wonderful charming, and so if the movie works at all, it's because of them—because of Ken Jeong, Justin Long, and all the wonderful people that are in it. You can see it in theaters on September 13th, and then digitally, of course. I'll share more about it on my socials too, so we’ll make sure to remember that.

I also reminisced about being that age and praying that my manhood would be bigger. You know, we used to do that all the time, me and my buddy Scott—pray for that. I was always okay with my size; it wasn't big, but I thought, "When did you realize you didn't have a big one? Why were you praying for something when, for all you knew, you had a big one?" I think it was around 12 or 13 when people started praying about it. Did you have a size comparison to look at and be like, "Mine's not like that?" No, but you just knew people wanted to.

How did you just know? People would say, "Oh, you got a little one." But why believe them? You had no proof. Proof is in the pudding—if you're not seeing it, you're not being it. So all this time, you've been worried that you don't have a big enough one. You could have gone home anytime you wanted; all you had to do was click your heels together. For all you know, you could have had the biggest one in the world!

You know what? Whip it out—let's find out! I'll take out mine, and you're going to feel like a champion. You're going to be like, "Oh, I'm better than him in this way too." Hey, you can hide 11 of my time in a Celsius can; I'll tell you that. That's my dream—to be thick as a Celsius can and just as tasty. Oh, now we're talking! Yes, Arctic Blast—very easy to get blown if you taste it like AR BL. Especially if your wiener had one of those pop things at the end, like a pop top. If they could just pop it open, and when they were done, they would feel energetic because it's going to burn extra calories—like, "I'm ready for work!" That would truly change your wife's behavior in the morning.

Now, I want to shift gears a bit. You mentioned something before; you're not in a relationship right now, right? No? When was the last relationship? Probably like four or five years ago? You know, I want to be in one. Why? You're successful, son! You're like, "I'm married to my job." That's what happens. So now that the job's in a great place, you're like, "Who will I share all this with?"

Now, I got to find a wife. I got to get a little bit of help first—find a wife? You don't need to find a wife; you just need to find somebody. Yeah, you got to marry them and stuff like that. You have a lot to protect right now, so don't rush into it. Just find a partner in crime. Find somebody that, when you're done being Theo, you can just go be Theo and have some kids of your own to play with and stuff.

But be careful when you have kids and want to hang out with them. Public reactions can get shitty. I put up that thing about beardless, stickless me on my Instagram, and someone was like, "Ew, stop forcing your kid down my throat." It's like, you don't have to listen! This is a free podcast, not mandatory. I'm not saying this like taxes where you have to do this. If you don't want to deal with it, don't deal with it!

It's always amazing to me when people get hostile about things like that. There was one guy who said, "I saw a video where you were crying on YouTube, and you went crazy. You said you were going to stop posting, and now it's 'give me a dollar here, give me a dollar there,' and you're doing this podcast." I went through everything he said, and I was like, "Is any of this true?" I did do a YouTube video, but I wasn't crying in it. I did say I was going to not engage with my socials as much, which I didn't for the better part of a year after I got out of the nut house. I stayed away from that stuff to try to figure out how I felt about myself, never mind how this random person feels about me.

Then he was saying that I asked for a dollar here and there. That's not true; I was advertising a free podcast! I was about to respond, but then I thought, "You've been around so long; you know the game. Why are you even wasting a second?" So, I just deleted that comment and moved on with my day. It's like they taught me in the nut house, man.

=> 02:23:13

Stop living in the past or worrying about the future; the only place that truly matters is right here, right now.

Through everything he said, I was like, is any of this true? I did do a YouTube video, but I wasn't crying in it. I did say I was going to not engage with my socials as much, which I didn't for the better part of a year after I got out of the nut house. I stayed away from that stuff so I could try to figure out how I felt about myself, never mind how this random person feels about me.

Then, I was saying that like I asked for a dollar here and there; it's not true. I was advertising a free podcast. I was about to respond, and then I was like, you know you've been around so long, you know the game; why are you even wasting a second, man? So, I just deleted that message and moved on with my day. It's like they taught me in the nut house, man: there are two places that human beings love to exist, and those are the two least healthy places for a human being to be—the past and the future.

The condition of the human being is such that we spend so much of our time thinking about what we've done, what went wrong, and what could have and should have happened. We dwell on our regrets and relitigate the past like we're expert lawyers and barristers. We're not here in the moment; we're in the past, going like, oh, remember I said that thing? Why didn't that person say hi that time? Man, how come that dude's doing it and I'm not? Why are they ahead of me? That's all stuff you can't do anything about. The past has happened; you can't rewrite that.

Maybe if you're Tony Stark, you can go back and change it, but you cannot change the past. So, stay out of the past because the past is depression. The future is anxiety because nobody controls that stuff; nobody knows what's going to happen. You can't sit there and worry about it. A lot of people you meet, and me, like to say, you should write a story; you're creative like you. But everybody in this audience is way more creative than me; it's fine if you're a better writer than me when it comes to imagining a dire future for themselves.

We are all the most creative and inventive individuals when we're thinking about all the things that could go wrong. We build crazy scenarios about what happens if this, and this, and this, and we live in them. They're so real; the body remembers. There's a book called The Body Remembers, which is about trauma and how the body stores trauma. It's scientifically proven that the body remembers trauma. So then later on in life, when you think about the trauma, guess what? The body remembers it and revisits it through the amygdala.

So when you've got PTSD, that's why people get the shakes or have to be away from people and stuff; that's real. Physically, the body remembers trauma. The best way past all that stuff? I don't know; I'm still trying to figure that out. But stay out of the past, goddammit, and stay out of the future because you can't do anything about it.

All that stuff, like, oh my God, this is going to happen, and this happens, and everything goes wrong, and I lose again, oh yeah, it's a nightmare. It's not true, though; it's all fiction that you're just making up. If you're going to make some future story up, because that's what it is, you don't know what's going to happen. Flip the script and just make up all happy, goofy, unbelievable stuff for yourself. Might as well, dude; it has as much likelihood of happening.

That's the truth; it ain't even fantasy. It's like you're already living in a fantasy if you're like, no, only bad stuff happens. You're already weaving a fantastic tale that is untrue and is based on no facts whatsoever. So if you can do that, just change it to like, you know what? Marvel calls me, and all of a sudden, I'm directing the next Avengers movie. Yeah, it has just as much a chance of happening as the negative stuff.

If we can't live in the past or shouldn't live in the past—it's unhealthy—and we shouldn't live in the future, because the past is depression and the future is anxiety, there's only one place to be. We have no choice: be here in the present. But so often, we're not in the present, man. Nobody wants to be in this moment; they want to be there. Everyone's headed to a place, and then everyone's obsessing about where we've been.

Kids, this is what they taught me in the nut house. I'm going to save you a lot of money and time and stuff like that: be here and now. Be mindful. Breathe. The easiest way to do that, if your head's going crazy and you're in the moment...

=> 02:26:28

Be present in the moment; breathe deeply and let go of the past and future worries. Your mind creates stress, but you have the power to rewrite your narrative.

All of a sudden, Marvel calls me, and I'm directing the next Avengers movie. Yeah, it has just as much a chance of happening as the negative outcomes. If we can't live in the past—or shouldn't live in the past because it's unhealthy—and we shouldn't live in the future due to past depression and future anxiety, there's only one place to be. We have no choice but to be here in the present.

However, so often we're not in the present. Nobody wants to be in this moment; they want to be there. Everyone's headed to a place, and then everyone's obsessing about where we've been. Kids, this is what they taught me in the nut house. I'm going to save you a lot of money and time: be here and now, be mindful, breathe. The easiest way to do that, if your head's going crazy and you're in the future worrying about some bad outcomes, or if you're in the past worrying about some old traumas, is just to breathe.

You go, just breathe in and out five times, taking deep breaths. You know what it does? It grounds you. Do you know why? Because you cannot breathe in the past, and you cannot breathe in the future. You can only breathe in the here and now. By breathing, you bring yourself back to the moment. You pull yourself out of that fake future that you're fretting about, and you pull yourself out of that horrendous past that you're still traumatized by.

You could sit there and think, "Well, wait, is anything wrong?" No, my body is reacting to some thoughts I was thinking about because the body stores trauma. I just did this to myself; I created this condition. You could pull yourself out of that. I'm not saying this is a cure for everything; some people go through real struggles. But when you're in your head, oh yeah, that ain't real life. You may have gone through real trauma in your life, but when you're in your head fretting about it, you are making up a fiction.

You don't even recognize it, and you work yourself up. The body reacts. I had a heart attack because I had my body packed full of cholesterol and stress. People could put themselves in situations where they say stress is the number one killer. Stress is created by sitting around thinking, "Oh, what if it doesn't work out?" Man, it never worked out because it never worked out in the past. Remember that time you tried that thing and it didn't work? You're stressing yourself out.

You have to put that thought away, flip the script, and be like, "I'm in the here and now." If you can't do that and you have to be in the future, just make up a better future. It has just as much a likelihood of coming true as the fake scenarios that you're fretting about, ruining your life. At least be an author for the best for yourself. Make it up; make up good things.

Kevin Smith's movie comes out September 13th, and my podcast with my kid is on the iHeart Network. I took all my content behind a paywall years ago, so this is the first one I'm putting out in the world and seeing what it would be like if I had infrastructure. Folks at iHeart were like, "Do it here," so I was like, "All right."

It's funny; I just sit around and try to make her laugh. I know some people like, "E, you're happy, kid." No, I think that's sweet; it is kind. Thank you, man, thanks for all the entertainment and for trying your best to be yourself through your medium. So many people have enjoyed your work over the years. I'm not one of them, but I appreciate the fact that it exists.

You're going to be in that Bob movie, and like seriously, oh, selling the weed. I didn't say that; don't start writing the parody like that. I'll take care of that. But you got to play Jay's brother. I'm telling you, Jay's vibe is so similar. I guarantee you in the comments, kids will be like, "Oh my God, you and Jay." Sometimes you ever watch a movie or TV show, and they do a familial pairing, like a mother, and you're like, "That casting is 100% on."

I put you next to Jay in a movie, and you both talk 100%. Wow, you're Jay's long-lost brother who just was raised in the South. Or your twang is from South Jersey. Yeah, I did that joke in the movie; I'll do it again. A lot of times, people in Louisiana get accused of being from New Jersey.

Thank you so much, Kevin. Thank you for having me, and thank you for letting me talk as much as I did. Apologies to anybody who tuned in to listen to Theo talk. I feel like I did most of the talking. Dude, you know what's so funny? It's a blessing. I was kind of tired today. I'm grateful that you spoke. Are you serious? Yeah, that means honestly, that's 100% meaningful to me.

Number one, that's crazy real, and number two, I know what that means as a person who's done this a bunch. It's just like, "He's coming in, all right, like I like him, and he made Clerks." But I ain't feeling up to it today, so the fact that I was on motor mouth and you were like, "This works for me," 100%. Anytime you don't feel like working, you want me, I'll sit here and talk the whole time, and you can just sit there and be present in the moment and breathe.

Sorry the AC wasn't working; the coldest thing in here wasn't the AC. The coldest thing in here is that Celsius cooler. Are you kidding me? We had it open earlier; that's the coldest and the coolest thing in here. Actually, you're the coolest thing in here. The Celsius cooler is the second coolest thing. Well, you're cool too, man. Thanks. I did that; I said it just so you would say that back.

On my Instagram, I’ll post, "Theo Von said I was cool." Thanks, brother. And I feel I'm falling like these leaves. I must be Cornerstone. But when I reach that ground, I'll share this piece of mind I found. I can feel it in my bones, but it's going to take...