Nick Swardson | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von

🎤 "New tour dates announced! 🎉 Catch me playing during the LSU USC game weekend in Vegas, and don't miss stops in Oklahoma City, Little Rock, Springfield, and more. Tickets on sale July 10th, pre-sale code: Rat King. 🎟️

These are exciting brand-new tour dates! During the LSU vs. USC game, I will be playing that weekend in Las Vegas, Nevada. That's August 30th and 31st at Resorts World Las Vegas. Then, I'll be in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, on September 25th at the Paycom Center. On September 26th, I'll be in North Little Rock, Arkansas, at Simmons Bank Arena. The next day, September 27th, I'll be in Springfield, Missouri, at the Great Southern Bank Arena. Following that, it's Kansas City, Missouri, on September 28th. Then, on October 10th, I'll be in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. La Crosse, Wisconsin, follows on October 11th, then Green Bay, Wisconsin, on October 12th, and Moline, Illinois, on October 13th.

Get your tickets early starting Wednesday, July 10th, at 10:00 a.m. local time with the pre-sale code "Rat King." The general sale starts on Thursday, July 11th, at 10:00 a.m. local time.

For additional tour dates and tickets, we also have shows in Bethel, New York, Wallingford, Connecticut, Portland, and Bangor, Maine, among other places. You can get all your tickets at theovon.com. Thank you to everyone who's come out to support the show; it just keeps getting better. Thank you!

We also got new merch, guys! We have new colorways for the "Be Good to Yourself" t-shirts in blue jean, Granite Bay, and banana. Check all that and more at theovon.store.com, the only place we sell merch.

Today's guest is a comedian, an actor, and an entertainer. You know him from Reno 911 and Grandma's Boy. He has a new special, "Make Joke from Face," premiering on YouTube on July 18th, and he has a new tour going on. I'm grateful to spend time today with my friend, Mr. Nick Swardson.

🍹 "New Orleans: where fine dining meets horse bowel blasts! 🌟 Ever tried dapping between vomits? Welcome to the wildest city on earth! 🌆🤣

We all have those wild stories, and one of my craziest nights was in New Orleans. I mean, I was so drunk that I ended up vomiting into my own hands and threw it in the air. What was I celebrating? Not dying? New Orleans has such a unique vibe. If something bad happens to you during a parade, like you have a stroke or even have a child, an ambulance can't reach you. You're pretty much on your own. Say goodbye to your aunt, because in New Orleans, you're just gone.

The thing about New Orleans is that it's unpredictable. You could be eating at a fine dining restaurant, enjoying your meal, and then out of nowhere, a horse bowel blasts through one of the window panes. Everyone's drinking hand grenades, sometimes even each other's blood, and then, splat! That's New Orleans for you.

We used to get way too drunk and end up under one of the overpasses of the bridge, just vomiting together. In between vomits, we'd dap each other up. Some of the alcohol you find there feels like it’s filtered through pubic hair. It's crazy. New Orleans is one of those cities that horrifies me, making me wonder how things will play out.

🚀 "Colorado: where edibles turn shows into brain farts! 🎤🤣 Ever tried performing at 9,000 ft? High altitude, higher laughs! 🌄💨

But not all my wild stories are from New Orleans. I vividly remember attending a show recently that left a lasting impression on me. It was an amazing experience, truly awesome, but the stage was so small. It made everything feel very visceral, almost like you were part of the action.

Then, there's this drone footage we were reviewing. I know, you can't see it if you're listening on the radio, but trust me, it's something else. The aerial views just add a whole new dimension to the experience.

Speaking of experiences, I recall the group "Wham" in my town. They didn't have any sponsors, but they had a charter and a long-term supply of white cloth. No branded shop or food truck sponsorships for them.

Now, if you're running an e-commerce business, you know how challenging shipping can be. That’s where Ship Station comes in handy. It simplifies the whole process, saving you valuable time and resources.

Shifting gears to my spring tour in Colorado, it was the start of everything. We had a club day to gear up for the fall, and I decided to take an edible at 9,000 ft. Let me tell you, the shows were great after that, but it was like my brain was having a full-on fart session.

The audience’s reaction was something else. I was so high, and I had to address the people of Beaver Creek. They legalized marijuana there, so I wasn’t the first to get high in Colorado, but it was still a trip.

At one point, the venue staff wanted to pull me off stage, but Ari had my back. He told them not to because he believed I would figure it out. It wasn’t my first rodeo, but they weren’t convinced and pulled me anyway.

That’s when the audience started booing. I think they were upset because I got pulled off. It felt like a mix of confusion and frustration, and I couldn’t help but think it was half and half.

🧸 "Got yanked off stage but still sold out every show! People even threw edibles at me 😂🍬 Backstage drama can't stop the fun! 🚀✨

Right when I was in the middle of my set, it was a new set too, so the nerves were kicking in. Now, if anybody's ever taken an edible, especially at an altitude like 9,000 feet, even if you're stone sober, it's aggressive. I took an edible along with a couple of cocktails and thought, "Oh no, here we go." The venue staff went to Ari and said they were going to pull me off stage, but Ari had my back. He told them not to, assuring them I'd figure it out. This wasn’t my first rodeo, but they weren’t convinced and pulled me anyway.

They even cut the mic at one point, leaving me talking to a crowd that couldn't hear me. People started booing because they pulled me off stage. I think it was a mix of confusion and frustration. Some folks were yelling, "Get this guy off the stage," while others shouted, "Get this beautiful little Care Bear off the stage!" I actually found that last one kind of cute.

When I got backstage, the management didn't have much to say. I was like, "Okay, that happened." But hey, I went on to do two sold-out shows after that, which were awesome. People even threw edibles at me on stage. I was literally covered in them while performing six shows in Denver, and they were all fantastic.

TMZ called me for a comment, asking what happened. I told them, "I got too high in Colorado. I apologize." I publicly apologized to Beaver Creek, and I must say, I love them very much. They're sweet, but whether they were sweet for getting me that high, the jury's still out on that. Nonetheless, they showed up, which was nice.

After that, all my shows sold out. People were probably curious to see if I'd mess up again. I have so many stories, and they just get crazier. Drunk chicks, for example, are the most bonkers, even more than racist guys.

One guy came up to me after a show and said, "Let me just say something." I asked, "Yeah, what?" And he goes, "I'm going to say the word a lot." I was stunned and told him he couldn't hang out with me.

There was another time I performed at a casino in Connecticut. Some girls approached me and said, "Hey, funny show." I thanked them and asked if they wanted a picture. They declined, which was weird, but I just rolled with it. One dude even acted suspiciously, perhaps worried his wife would see him, but it was just bizarre.

Women could go missing so easily in a setting like that. Imagine, you're in your coffin, putting on eyeliner—just saddle up, get your patent face on, Judy, or Janet, maybe Janet.

🍻 "Went from drinking all day to getting my life together. Virtual rehab is wild – fighting temptations in VR! 🎮💪

Dude, I didn't say that, but... and he's like, "Yeah, sorry about this, you're cool." I remember one time in that crowd I said, "All the ladies, close your eyes... guys, if you could take your wife on a vacation and eliminate her while you're traveling, raise your hand." About 11 guys raised their hands. That's amazing... a lot of women could go missing. I think that's one of the reasons it takes some so long to get ready, probably because it might be their last looks, you know?

I was in Philadelphia, and there was a gal, bro, and Kobe Bryant had died. She made me sleep in this bed with her and a Great Dane, bro, named Kobe. Holding a Great Dane, it's like... right, it's not racial but it's like, um, it's intriguing. It's intriguing a little bit, but it also feels like you're kind of in a part of the zoo you shouldn't be in.

I just drank from 8:00 a.m. to 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning every day. It was amazing, but yeah, now I've got my shit together, and it's awesome. I mean, I've been there before, but that was like years ago. We're in rehab. Actually, this is... yeah, we praise him. Well, now they have virtual rehab. The virtual reality system allows participants to immerse themselves in a variety of settings and situations to practice recovery techniques, such as fighting off temptations, as well as to receive therapeutic support.

Kids, but women, kids, female kids, would do like VY and or whatever. When I was a kid, they'd put LSD into their vagina. That's Lord's lock box, dude. That's the original. You know that little safe that's in the hotel room sometimes? The vagina was a lot of times where people would just hide stuff in their wife's vagina. That's the original escape room.

Sketch is a streamer. He's known for his Madden streams and just being a one-of-a-kind guy. Allegedly, he did some OnlyFans stuff a few years back, and some of it may have been homoerotic, you know, or gay, or men, more than one man type of thing, or just gay.

🔐 "The real OG escape room? Hiding stuff in the wifey's vagina! 😂✨

Dude, you know that little safe that's in the hotel room sometimes? The vagina was a lot of times where people would just hide stuff in their wife's vagina. That's the original escape room.

Transitioning to current events: Dude, you see all this stuff that's happening with Sketch? Sketch is a streamer. He's known for his Madden streams. He was on your show. I've spent time with him over the past few months. A gift to the world.

Allegations against Sketch: Allegedly he did some OnlyFans stuff a few years back. Some of it may have been homoerotic, or gay. Pictures started coming up. People were curious if this was really him. With AI or whatever, you have no idea what anything is. People were writing some of the strangest things.

Internet reactions: What I don't understand is, like, is he canceled or something? It just shows the uncan of whenever people rip somebody on the internet. Like what a broken record. Somebody tweeted this, "How could you? I used to be a big fan of you." This chubby kid or young Filipino woman, calling him out. They put a heartbroken emoji. Then somebody shares this tweet, "Go lose weight you fat... sketch the gay F..." It doesn't make any sense. The internet is so bonkers insane. I'm so over it.

Personal feelings on the reactions: Back in the day when I started making movies, I would read critic reviews. It was such a waste of my time. People will comment, they just have no chill. People just chime in with such insanity.

Sketch's response: Look, open and honest, that was me. It's okay though. I will tell you what, two years ago I did some stuff. I'm sorry if you've seen some of the stuff. You know I'm a changed person. Thank you to all my people that have been sticking up for me. I was dealing with some addiction. The internet really came after him.

Final thoughts: I think it's ridiculous. I think anybody coming out for being gay, who cares? Sketch, just hang in there. Keep your head up, brother. We love you, and everybody loves you, dude. Nothing will change that, bro, so just hang in.

📱 "Apologizing to a screen? Welcome to 2023! 🤯🌐

I agree, but I just think it's fascinating to see that we're at a point in time where you're watching somebody apologize to a screen because of the world we live in. It's just very interesting.

But honestly, who cares that he was gay? First of all, he was a Tex fan, which is way tougher than doing some gay stuff. I just want to say, man, hang in there. If you're feeling any type of way, just keep your head up. Brother, we love you and everybody loves you, dude.

Some people are gay, some people are straight, and some people don't even know. There are adult children out there who are like, "I don’t even know, I like to go to the library or whatever." We love you, Sketch, and we're sorry you have to deal with this. I can't imagine how scary it must be. For a lot of people, it feels like the internet is the be-all and end-all. You and I are at a different age where it's not as much, right?

Everybody out there listening, don’t worry about the internet and comments. It's dumb and superfluous and makes no sense. When you're struggling with drugs, people will get into some wild stuff. Everyone out there has done something wild.

Benches used to be the internet. If you didn't have the internet, you had whatever somebody wrote on bathroom walls. Yeah, that was the internet back then.

🦒 "Giraffes: Nature's long-necked love story! 🌈❤️

I agree, but I just think it's fascinating to see that we're at a point in time where you're watching somebody apologize to a screen because of the world we live in. It's just very interesting.

But honestly, who cares that he was gay? First of all, he was a Tex fan, which is way tougher than doing some gay stuff. I just want to say, man, hang in there. If you're feeling any type of way, just keep your head up. Brother, we love you and everybody loves you, dude.

Some people are gay, some people are straight, and some people don't even know. There are adult children out there who are like, "I don’t even know, I like to go to the library or whatever." We love you, Sketch, and we're sorry you have to deal with this. I can't imagine how scary it must be. For a lot of people, it feels like the internet is the be-all and end-all. You and I are at a different age where it's not as much, right?

Everybody out there listening, don’t worry about the internet and comments. It's dumb and superfluous and makes no sense. When you're struggling with drugs, people will get into some wild stuff. Everyone out there has done something wild.

Benches used to be the internet. If you didn't have the internet, you had whatever somebody wrote on bathroom walls. Yeah, that was the internet back then.

Frederick Douglas, like the old black author... How did that come out that Frederick Douglas is gay, bro? Benches used to be the internet though; if you didn't have the internet, you had whatever somebody wrote on bathroom walls. Yeah, that was the internet.

There's gay animals out there too. Giraffes, yeah dude, giraffes just dripping dicks. A neck is just a long penis with sounds in it. If a guy blows your whatever, you can pretend it's not a guy if you want because you're so far you can't see. Elephants? No.

Moving on, bats are way gay. "Oh, I'm not gay, it's just really dark in here," that kind of thing. The American Bison is a bison mammal which displays homosexual behavior.

And you know, they would throw the Roll to You across town.

🛫 "Slept on a couple's floor at the airport... talk about stranger hospitality! 😂

So, I was asked if I ever met Michael Jackson. My answer? "No damn, not yet, not yet..." And then someone asked about Kevin Spacey. "No, really, I never did. I saw him at a party and he looked at my genitals; that was fine, that's where he looks..."

Then the topic shifted to whether Kevin Spacey is over his allegations. "I guess nothing ever happened. Oh, he has his own podcast now... no wait, that was about his trial, not okay..."

The conversation then moved to whether anyone is really canceled anymore. "I don't think anybody's canceled anymore. Nobody gives a… Kanye got canceled, nobody gives a... the dude's still selling out tours, so nobody cares what somebody says in the media, nobody even reads them..."

When asked what I miss about my younger days, I reminisced, "Breaking things, yeah. I remember back in the day, growing up in the '80s—1980s—and it was like we'd have, like, okay, go outside and play. And I would just break things..."

Someone asked if I ever met Don Knotts. "Oh, Don Knotts, I loved him. Oh yeah, that impromptu impression didn't go well. 'I'm coming in your butt,' so stupid, the worst. Well, listen man, hey, your mouth is my toilet. That's the worst D-Knots ever, dude. It's not that bad, my dog Snowman... what, Don Knotts?"

I was also asked if I ever slept at an airport. "Philly through Dallas, Sioux Falls, drive to Iowa again, same day, key detail. So I go, and my flight's at 6:00 in the morning. I've got to make this show in Iowa, so I go to the airport at 9:00 p.m., and I'm like, I'm just going to sleep at the airport... So, I go to the Marriott connected to the airport and ask, 'Can I get a room?' and they're like, 'No, we're sold out, oversold out...' I then meet this couple I had met in Key West, and they go, 'Nick Swardson,' and I'm like, 'Yeah, what's up?' They ask what I'm doing, and I say, 'I'm homeless, I'm homeless. I have no place to stay; I gotta fly to Dallas tomorrow...' So I just slept on this couple's floor. They were so nice, literally gave me a pillow. We woke up at 4 in the morning, made our flight, and I made the gig. It was great."

When asked if they were trying to be swingers, I clarified, "No, not at all. It was just like, 'Hey, do you want to crash?' I'm like, 'I don't know what other comic would do that. Yeah, I'll just sleep on the floor.' I vaguely knew them from Key West. They were really sweet."

Finally, someone wanted to know about my buddy Jiggy's travel experience. "He was on a plane, talking to a girl, flirting, having a good time. The plane ends up getting delayed; it doesn't leave the tarmac. He goes back to the gate, the girl kind of speaks a little bit of a different language, but she says, 'You can come and stay with me.' So, my buddy's like, 'Holy… dude, I'm gonna go stay at this girl's place. What are the odds?'"

🍕 "Discussed philosophy all night on Coke, ended up comparing Pizza Hut roofs to human identity. Mind-blown! 😂💭

Ever since, I was never a big Coke guy, but I did try it one time about 20 years ago when it was really good. I did blow with this black dude who was cool as hell, and we ended up talking philosophy all night. We were deep into discussions about the difference between Plato and Socrates, and then we ventured into existentialism. It got bonkers.

I remember asking them if they had any nice restaurants around, and they told me, "We have a Pizza Hut." That was their fancy place, and I thought, alright then. Pizza’s kind of like one of those things where no matter what you put on it, you can still recognize it because of the roof. It’s almost like someone being trans; no matter what you do, you can tell because of the original structure.

There was this one guy with a hat that had the N-word on the front and "just joking" on the back. He was selling this hat. They stopped him, and I guess he met up with a girl at a pizza place. You're seeing a lot of this vigilante kind of stuff happening now.

It's hard because, and I think you know this, you've done it long enough where you have a new hour. So, I have a new hour coming out again on July 18th and then a whole new hour in the fall. Every time I have a new hour, it feels so daunting. I'm always questioning if I can come up with another hour after this one. Sometimes I wonder if this might be my last one, who knows?

Watch: youtube.com/watch?v=Azvkw4T_8bc