Jimmy Roasts a Goth Girl! | Jimmy Carr Vs Hecklers | Jimmy Carr

Comedy is all about context; what works on stage might not land on the streets.

If anyone would like to heckle or has questions, feel free to ask. When does the comedy start? If only I had €40 for every time someone shouted that out, I'd be a rich man. Oh right, I do and I am. It's all about context. That would be much more hurtful in the streets, but where you've paid to be in a room with me, it doesn't work. Any other heckles, please?

Car coming on. What? Was it funny in your head? Did you think this is going to murder? We seem to have contained the problem, Dublin. Sometimes in a theater, you get all the wheelchairs in one section, but today we've got the neurologically divergent up there. I feel sorry for these poor people sitting underneath them because they could drop like lemmings.

I did a gig once in Glasgow. It's a beautiful town, but it's a bit like Dublin; everyone's funny in Glasgow. I was doing the gig, and there's a platform over that way. I asked, "What's that?" One guy said it's the disabled section, and another guy walking past who worked there called it the Cabbage Patch. Hell, it's the star of the venue. I better be funny tonight.

Any other heckles or questions? Where's Alan? At your house, your dad. Ironically, your daddy is not the daddy in that scenario. Lee Evans is better. Some people think so. The thing about a sense of humor is that it's a matter of taste. I love Lee; he's a mate of mine and a great guy. He's retired from stand-up now, which I think is a shame because he's wonderful. Some people would say Lee Evans is funnier than me, and some would say I'm funnier than Lee Evans. But that's a matter of opinion. What's a matter of fact is we're both funnier than you. Take that to the bank.

He prefers Lee Evans as well. He likes to run around and do funny faces. I like it; he's just happy to be indoors. Any more questions? We've only heard from guys. I love you. What? Sorry, I love you. I love you too, but I think we should see other people. I love you too. Oh Christ, I'm caught in a love triangle. It's a health and safety nightmare; these two could slip off their seats. Take that, TW love.

Are you taking a break in the middle? I always do a little bit more audience stuff now. Got to piss? Well, you go do your thing. It's very different in prison; they ask. Yes, you go. You're grand. I want you to be comfortable. Is the ankle tag about to go off? You know what they call that? That's called chav nav.

Do you like goth girls? I would have to see said goth girl. When you say goth girls, do you mean do I like the look, or do I like girls that have daddy issues? It's sort of the same question, isn't it? If you're wearing a Mission t-shirt, are you a goth girl? Yes. Is that not an emo these days?

=> 00:06:03

Embrace your quirks, live your life, and don't let anyone else direct your show.

I want you to be comfortable. Do you have the ankle tag about to go off? You know what they call that? That's called chav naav. What? Sorry, do you like goth girls? Do I like goth girls? I would have to see said goth girl. When you say goth girls, do you mean do I like the look or do I like girls that have Daddy Issues? It's sort of the same question, isn't it? If you're wearing a mission t-shirt, are you a goth girl? Yes. Is that not an emo these days? Have we not changed? You still got Goths. What? Sorry, depends on who you ask. Depends on who you ask. Well, I'm asking you. Who else am I talking to here?

What do you do for a living? Retail. Retail, work in a shop. What shop? I can't say. You can't say? Is it hard to pronounce? Why can't you say? What? Sorry, Primark. Primark? I don't think they have Goths in Primark. This is from our depressed teens' selection. It's made by children in the Far East who, ironically, are less depressed than the kids buying it. Who knows why?

So you're a goth, and who are you here with? I don't know what she said, but it sounds like she was crying. You're who? Sorry, my best friend. Your best friend? Okay, well, you seem great. We don't know what shop you work in. Have you not considered, I mean, it's not really retail, but if you like that whole look and wearing black and the Darkness, there's plenty of funeral parlors, aren't there? Get a job there, you'd fit right in. Christ, she takes this seriously.

Have you ever stuck a finger up your bum? Yeah. That felt like a genuine cry for help. Like there's a poor man over there thinking, "I really want to put a finger in me bum. I don't know if I should or not. What if I like it?" Go for it, man, live a life. Get my watch off your mom's bedside locker. What? I don't think I'd leave my watch on your mom's bedside locker, if only because my watch cost more than your house. It's a terrible thing to say, isn't it? Just his mom, but I don't trust her enough to leave a watch on the bedside table. I'll keep this on if you don't mind, love. I know she charges by the hour. I still owe your mom €2020. That's right, I paid for everyone.

Did you ever try on your girlfriend's knickers? Did I ever try on my girlfriend's knickers? No, but you did. Now, guy that wants to put a finger up his bum and this guy, you just need to be more open. Just talk more. I think you'd get on famously. I think you should get them to stand up. What? Sorry, I think you should get them to stand up. You should get them to stand up. Okay, well, now you're not directing this show, are you? This is not my first rodeo. This guy will only stand to confirm his name in a court of law.

What do you do for a living, sir? What kind of scrap metal business do you run? You can't judge a book by its cover, but you could tell the price though. Look at him go. What do you do, man? I work for Paddy Power. You work for Paddy Power, of course you do.

=> 00:11:27

Don't judge a book by its cover, but you can guess the price!

I think you'd get on famously. I think you should get them to stand up. What? Sorry, I think you should get them to stand up. You should get them to stand up. Okay, well now you're not directing this show, are you? This is not my first rodeo. This guy, this guy will only stand to confirm his name in a court of law. That's what. What do you do for a living, sir? What kind of scrap metal business do you run? You can't judge a book by its cover, but you could tell the price though. Look at him go. What do you do, man? I work for Paddy Power. You work for Paddy Power? Of course, you do. I know you're in the Paddy Power shop a lot, but you don't work there. You're on benefits, and you've got a problem with gambling. It's best you hear it from me.

Hi, the lesbians. Are you a couple, and how long have you been smashing pasties? Ten months, but they make for life. They'll be all right. And what are your names? Sorry, I didn't get your names. Jenny and Sarah. Jenny and Sarah. So what do you do? I mean, I know what you scissor in mainly, but what do you do for a living? I'm a recruiter in a tech company. A recruiter in a tech company, okay. And I work in admin in a hospital. Admin in a hospital, yeah. Oh Jesus, I don't know. Normally, the jobs can tell me who's wearing the strap-on, but I've no idea yet. You couldn't get a cigarette paper between those two. No idea. Yeah, right, it's a higher level of gaydar where you go, hang on, you're the top.

Have you read any of our messages? Have I done what? Read any of our messages? Have you read any of the messages? I don't get to see the messages pre-show, so I'll see them at the end, which won't be long. Well, it will be quite long. It's a long show. There's a lot of jokes to get through. Value for money. I don't want you having to go out there. The football people, two random football teams arriving, a bunch of mafiosas from UEFA wandering around. A nightmare.

Yes, prick, I'm a posh prick. It's all relative, sir. Posh compared to you, yeah, but my family is from Limerick. Not that, yeah, I'm from Limerick, but no one in my family ever stabbed anyone, which is why they made us leave. We didn't fit in. Have you gone off to die in the woods like an elephant? Something, and that's the last we saw of him. God love him. Any other heckles?

James Bond. What was it? Look like a James Bond. I look like a James Bond? I'll take that. I think you've not really got the hang of heckling, have you? Traditionally, you would shout something nasty. Where it's a James Bond, yeah. Okay, you look like a little Cabbage Patch doll. No offense to you, sir, but you look like a massive toddler. What's your name? Sean. Sean, and what do you do, Sean? Software. Of course. And is this the missus? Who are you here with? You're just on your own, are you? Yeah, that story checks out. Software. What happened? Turned the girls off and then turned her back on again. Too late, she was gone by then.

I'm genuinely worried about that old fella. Where is he? Is he off to Switzerland? Has he had a laugh? I'm ready to go now. Hello, Jimmy. It's Nick Sloan's 30th birthday this weekend. He has just moved here from Melbourne, Australia.

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Life's too short to be stuck in one place—embrace the adventure and see the world!

Toddler, what's your name? Sean. And what do you do, Sean? Software, of course. Is this the MS? Who are you here with? You're just on your own, are you? Yeah, that story checks out. Software—what happened? Turned the girls off and then turned her back on again. Too late, she was gone by then.

Hello Jimmy, it's Nick Sloan's 30th birthday this weekend. He has just moved here from Melbourne, Australia. I've planned a surprise trip. I'd love it if you could break the news and tell him we're going to Mayor. Alright, where's Nick? Where are you, Nick? Where's Nick from? Melbourne. Hello, happy birthday! Great to have you here. Are you in a romantic relationship? What's going on here? Just a relationship? Oh, Australia—have you been to Australia? I would recommend it, it's tremendous. But if you're going to go, it's a long way and it's expensive. So if you're going to go, go in January. What's it like here in Dublin in January? Cold, wet, windy, and right in Australia every day is a mild 44 and hot. Happy birthday, man.

My friend Tami just recently broke up with his M Ava, and she's now with one of his mates, Mick Heckle. To lift his and our spirits, we've come from Wexford to see you. Right, where's Tami? Where are you, Tami? Someone down there just went "Tami," and I can only presume they went "Tami." Where are you, Tami? Hi, and she's left you. You'll learn to love again. Come on, the lesbians have some sympathy.

Hi Jimmy, I'm Jack from Australia. I'm here with my mommy. Have you got any dating advice for me? I'm 22, and women are just after one thing. Help a brother out, cheers. God bless. Where's Jack? Where are you, Jack? Give me a huh? What are you saying? Huh, in the middle. Who the [] is it? Where the [] is Jack? Where's Jack and his mommy? Are you worried, Jack, that women just want one thing? Is it for you to stop taking your mommy out? Is that the one thing they want?

I'm going to America for four months by myself, and I know no one over there. I'm 21 and ready for the crack. What would you recommend a 21-year-old girl get up to while in the States? Love from Stacy, spelled incorrectly. Where's Stacy? Where are you, Stacy? Whereabouts in the States are you going? North Carolina. Right, don't go there. Have you traveled extensively in America? No? Well, that's not the first place you go. You do New York first, then Los Angeles, then maybe a bit of Florida. North Carolina is down anyone's list. What are you doing while you're there? I'm teaching. What are you teaching? I'm going to be teaching at a summer camp. You're teaching in a summer camp? What was it that first attracted you to children? You'll have a lovely time. Are you going to travel afterward? Hopefully, yeah. Hopefully? If you're not murdered in the summer camp. We've only really "Friday the 13th" as a reference. We assume you're murdered in a cabin in the woods. Good luck. Sorry, a lot of bears and snakes? There's a lot of bears and snakes. I think you'll be alright. I'll be honest with you, I think you'll be fine. There are more bears and snakes than here, but they're not wandering the streets. You'll have a blast. What a great thing. Are you leaving love behind? Kind of. Are you in a relationship at the moment? Kind of. If he heard you say "kind of," would he be heartbroken? I don't know. Who are you riding? Stacy seems very unclear. Are you in a relationship? Kind of. What's "kind of" mean? Don't know. The four months might change a lot. She's going to cheat. Good luck. I admire her honesty. Sort of in a relationship, going to North Carolina, going to get some D. Well done, you.

Hello, I'm Jimmy Carr, and I've got a new tour. It's called Jimmy Carr Laughs Funny. Now, I think jokes are like magnets—they attract some people. Some people like my comedy, and a million of you came to see me on my last tour. Thanks very much, by the way. But like magnets, jokes attract and they repel. Some people are repelled by my sense of humor. If that's you, don't come and see me live. But if you like this kind of thing, come and see Jimmy Carr Laughs Funny. I'll be everywhere. Go to JimmyCarr.com for details.