Kamala Harris admits to orchestrating an assassination attempt on Trump without remorse.
You're drunk right now, and that's not going to change. You kind of have a drinking problem. I recognize the problem. Fair enough.
Kamala Harris, welcome. I see you brought your emotional support dog with you today, which is great. Before I came in, your campaign staff gave me this list of really great softball questions that I'm allowed to ask to help stay true to the spirit of journalism, so thanks for that. But I might stray from the list just a tiny little bit.
Now, I think you'd agree this is an intense election. Recently, your political opponent, President Trump, was almost assassinated. I am sure y'all at the White House are working tirelessly to find out who orchestrated this whole thing. Do y'all have any leads about who did it?
Kamala Harris: We did it.
What? Who did?
Kamala Harris: Joe Biden and I, to be honest.
Really? He was shot? I'll say that’s good work. Wow, I can't believe it. Do you feel any remorse?
Kamala Harris: No, not at all. There's more to do, but that's good work.
Wait, so you would try it again?
Kamala Harris: Yes, I would. Seriously, I would.
I think obviously the guy you used on the first try wasn't successful. So who would you use on the next attempt?
Kamala Harris: No one in particular.
But I'm sure you've discussed who it might be. Did you talk to Hillary? Did she have anything to say about it?
Kamala Harris: Oh, she had a lot to talk about.
Of course, she did. When did you talk to her?
Kamala Harris: It was a Sunday.
Good God, that's even more demonic. Tim, are you on board with all this?
Tim: I think people know who I am.
Yeah, they do. You guys could go to prison for this. Next question, please.
No, seriously, this is a major crime. This is a big deal. One more question on this, please.
Alright, your resting face tells me you really want to move on, so we shall. Let’s talk about moving forward. You make a lot of great promises about what you'll do if you get into office, but you've been in office for almost four years and most things have objectively gotten much worse—the border, crime, inflation. It's pretty bad. How could you let this happen?
Kamala Harris: In large part, all of that is because of mismanagement.
Yeah, I guess that would be it. That is the reality of it. Four years of being vice president, but I'd like to imagine how you will do things has no correlation to how you've always done things. So, if you do win this definitely not rigged election, what would you do specifically to fix all the problems in our country?
Kamala Harris: Let me be very clear. When we do what we have done, I believe it is very important that we take seriously what we must do and how it does so matters. To do that, we can do what we have accomplished thus far. But I will say this so I'm very clear about where I stand: my values have not changed. I kept my word, and I will keep my word. When we do what we did, which is part of the American dream.
It sounds like a very well-thought-out strategy. If you win, will that be like a bill you sign or something?
Kamala Harris: I will make sure that it comes to my desk, and I would sign it.
Very good. Now that we clearly understand how exactly you'll turn the country around, Tim, I forgot you were alive over there, buddy.
Tim Walz made history by putting tampons in boys' restrooms, proving that bold moves can transform society.
"As Governor, the accomplishment you're most known for is getting tampons into all the boys' restrooms in schools." "We did it, Minnesota." "You sure did, and you did it when nobody else wanted to. People were saying things like it's unnecessary or it's a stupid idea, but you knew the importance of it. Presumably, this came from your positive exposure to tampons during your formative years as a boy. What did it mean to you when you put your first tampon in?" "It was just such a visceral, emotional moment that I'm just grateful I got to experience it. I think history is going to show that in so many ways it was transformative." "Yes, I think we're all touched by Tim's bravery around tampons."
"But now let's close with some rapid-fire questions. Kamala, who's the biggest you've ever known?" "Well, my first thought was not about me, to be honest with you." "Yeah, well no, I meant the biggest you've ever known aside from yourself." "I have served with President Biden for almost four years now." "Right, now you've known the Obamas for a while now. Did Michael confide in you when he wanted to transition to being a Michelle?" "The phone rang, and he told me what he had decided to do, and I asked him, 'Are you sure?' What did he say?" "And he said yes."
"Fantastic. Now, Madame Vice President, on the monitor, you can see you in the process of sleeping your way to the top by way of a photograph of you with Montel Williams and another side girl. Have you seen this photograph before?" "I did see that photograph, and I was deeply touched by it." "The left criticizes Trump for sleeping with side girls, but you are a side girl running for the same presidency. How does that feel?" "It's very humbling, in many ways." "Do you have any morals?" "No, not at all, not at all." "Fair enough."
"Toma and Tim, you both come across so well on camera. Fantastic, actually. Thank you for taking the time to sit down and just be so interesting." "Thanks for having us." "Thank you, Dana." "Thank you." "What, Tim Walz is thanking me? What an honor. You know what, Tim, you're welcome, and thank you for all your service overseas."