Explicit Content Debate The Unseen Dangers Of Nofap & The Adult Industry Is Exploiting Our Brains!

The debate on pornography reveals a complex truth: it can enhance sexual satisfaction for some, yet also create unrealistic expectations and shame, highlighting the urgent need for better sex education.

Today, we have a unique situation where three experts in their field present three different opinions debating the subject of pornography. This is the first time I've gone on Pornhub at work. In one corner, we have Dr. Reena Malik, the sex scientist who helps millions of couples enhance their sex lives. In the other corner, we have Dr. Kate, a psychiatrist specializing in helping people with addictions to pornography. Lastly, we have Erica Lust, who runs a large pornographic production company.

No one can sit on the fence here: is porn a benefit to people and society? Definitely, especially for those who haven't really had the right to pleasure or the opportunity to understand their sexuality. However, we are clearly seeing a trend of it being damaging. Let me share my concerns: it is doing way more to the brain than we ever realized.

The first thing we know is that there is data suggesting that couples who use pornography together have better sexual encounters, and women who use pornography report better sexual satisfaction rates. It's important to remember that women's sexuality has often been about pleasing others, which is evident in the orgasm gap. A devil's advocate might argue that a significant number of women are interested in looking a certain way, as often portrayed in pornography, which can be harmful. I am somewhat skeptical about this perspective, as it feels like a statement from a decade ago.

However, there are also unrealistic expectations about performance that create shame, and small penis anxiety is a real issue often stemming from watching pornography. The real problem lies in the fact that we are not providing adequate sex education to our young people; they are lost. But it doesn't have to be an addiction; it’s about how individuals relate to it. People can control their consumption, and parents can learn how to have these conversations with their kids. There are a couple of effective techniques that can be utilized.

Now, let's start with introductions. Dr. Reena, could you tell us who you are and what you do?

"I'm a urologist, which is essentially a medical and surgical doctor of the genitourinary tract. However, I see myself more as a digital opinion leader in the space of sexual health and neurologic health. I aim to discuss and explain complex concepts related to sexual health in a way that people can understand."

Can you provide an overview of the variety of cases you've worked on in your career and the subject matter you address?

"Absolutely. As a urologist, we are trained to treat anything related to the genitourinary tract, including kidney cancer, prostate cancer, bladder cancer, sexual health issues like erectile dysfunction and female sexual dysfunction, kidney stones, and children's issues. I completed a fellowship in female pelvic medicine and reconstructive surgery, also known as urogynecology, where I initially focused on voiding dysfunction and bladder issues. Over time, I expanded my practice into sexual medicine, addressing problems such as erectile dysfunction, arousal disorders, ejaculatory dysfunction, libido issues, lubrication issues, and various other sexual health concerns."

Dr. Kate, could you share your background as well?

"Sure! I'm a psychiatrist by training, but my path to this profession was quite roundabout. I initially failed out of college due to video game addiction, then traveled to India to find myself and studied to become a monk for about seven years. Eventually, I went to medical school and became a psychiatrist. Now, the majority of my work focuses on the internet. During my training, I noticed that while academic psychiatry often emphasizes conditions like depression, bipolar disorder, and anxiety, there are many evolving mental health problems for the digital generation, including video game addiction.

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The digital age is reshaping our understanding of sexuality, but early exposure to pornography is leading to serious mental health issues that we can't ignore.

Lubrication issues and a whole bunch of different areas of issues that people deal with when it comes to sexual health were discussed. Dr. K, who is a psychiatrist by training, shared his unique journey. He mentioned, "I failed out of college due to video game addiction and then went to India to find myself." After studying to become a monk for about seven years, he eventually went to medical school and became a psychiatrist. Now, the majority of the work he does is focused on the internet.

Dr. K observed that while academic psychiatry typically focuses on issues like depression, bipolar disorder, or anxiety, there is a significant rise in evolving mental health problems for the digital generation, such as video game addiction and pornography addiction. He noted, "Most of the psychiatrists weren't focused on those." He pointed out the ongoing opioid epidemic and problems with alcohol and marijuana, but emphasized that many digital addictions are emerging, which are the people he works with now.

Erica, an independent adult filmmaker and entrepreneur, introduced herself, stating, "I made my first short film, an explicit short film, 20 years ago and then I developed a career in this space of Indie adult cinema." She confirmed her role as a director and producer of adult films, as well as running her own company.

To set the stage on where we are with pornography, Erica shared some pertinent statistics. She noted that 30% of all internet traffic is related to pornography, and 35% of all internet downloads are pornographic in nature. Furthermore, 79% of young men view pornography monthly, while 64% of young adults actively seek out pornography weekly or more often. Additionally, one in five mobile searches are for pornographic content, and 58% of men and 38% of women watch porn at work. Pornography websites receive more traffic than Netflix, Amazon, and Twitter combined.

Interestingly, Erica found that pornography in Poland increased by 310% between 2004 and 2016. She also highlighted some concerning trends: the percentage of men aged 18 to 24 reporting no sexual activity in the past year increased from 18.9% in 2000 to over 30% in 2016. Similar increases in sexual inactivity were observed among men and women, particularly high school students, where the percentage who have never had sexual intercourse rose from 45% in 1991 to 70% in 2021. Finally, the average age of first exposure to pornography is now just 11 years old, with 64% of young people reporting that they came across pornography by accident.

The first point of discussion raised was whether pornography is a benefit to people and society. Erica responded affirmatively, stating, "It can be definitely, especially to the others who haven't really had that right to pleasure, to desire, to sexuality." She emphasized that women's sexuality has often been about pleasing others, and pornography can help women find their own desire and understand their sexuality.

Dr. K, however, took a different stance. He reiterated the question, "Is porn a benefit to people in society?" and expressed concern that the way pornography is being produced and consumed is starting to cause way more harm than good. He reflected on the alarming statistics shared earlier, noting, "Each statement that both of y'all made, I could think about a specific person that I've worked with where it's like, yeah, I've seen that problem." Dr. K highlighted the issue of early exposure to pornography, stating that many children are exposed before puberty, which correlates with various problems. He remarked, "I've seen like a very scary correlation between early exposure to pornography," emphasizing the seriousness of the issue.

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Early exposure to pornography can reshape our brains and relationships, leading to potential addiction and desensitization, but it can also enhance sexual awareness and satisfaction when used mindfully.

In discussing the impact of pornography, several key points emerge that highlight both the potential benefits and the significant concerns associated with its use. Early exposure to pornography is particularly alarming, as many children are encountering it before puberty, often around the ages of seven, eight, or nine. This early exposure can lead to alterations in the brain that increase the likelihood of developing addictions, not just to pornography but to other substances and behaviors as well. While the average age of first exposure is reported to be 11 years old, it is crucial to recognize that this statistic encompasses a wide range of experiences, with some individuals being exposed even earlier.

Sexuality is a healthy part of human existence, and current research suggests that masturbation, in moderation, is relatively healthy. Pornography can play a role in this aspect of sexuality, as noted by Erica, who pointed out that it can help elevate horizons and increase awareness. There are indeed benefits to pornography; for instance, studies indicate that women who use pornography may experience better sexual satisfaction rates and more frequent sexual encounters, likely due to learning about their bodies. This correlation suggests that when individuals use pornography for sexual curiosity and pleasure without signs of addiction or compulsion, it can lead to positive sexual experiences.

Furthermore, couples who consume pornography together often report better sexual encounters and greater satisfaction. This indicates that pornography can serve as a tool for exploring fantasies and understanding different sexual cultures, which can enhance intimacy and communication in relationships. However, it is essential to acknowledge that there are individuals who struggle with pornography use, and their experiences can be quite different.

On the other hand, there is a growing concern regarding the desensitization to real-life sexual experiences that can result from excessive pornography consumption. Many people are having less sex than in previous years and are delaying losing their virginity. This trend raises questions about whether the prevalence of pornography is contributing to a desensitization to actual sexual encounters. Some individuals may rely solely on pornography for pleasure, leading to difficulties in achieving satisfaction through penetrative intercourse or other forms of intimacy with partners. This habituation can create challenges in relationships, as the brain becomes accustomed to the specific style of stimulation that pornography provides.

The impact of pornography on the developing brain, particularly in children, remains a complex issue. While there are no definitive studies on children viewing pornography, it is clear that early exposure could have lasting effects. The discussion highlights the varying perspectives on pornography, with some individuals viewing it positively while others express concern about its potential harms. Ultimately, the conversation underscores the importance of understanding personal experiences and the broader implications of pornography in society.

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Pornography's impact isn't black and white; it's deeply personal and shaped by individual experiences and beliefs.

The discussion surrounding pornography and its impact on individuals, particularly young brains, is both complex and fascinating. While there are currently no studies specifically examining children’s exposure to pornography, the conversation reveals differing perspectives. For instance, during a recent discussion, Stephen posed the question, “Is pornography a problem?” Interestingly, the two women at the table provided more positive responses, while the man expressed a more negative view, stating, “it's bad.”

This divergence in opinions highlights the importance of personal experience in shaping one’s perspective on pornography. It is essential to recognize that pornography should not be viewed as an isolated phenomenon; rather, there exists a significant relationship between the human and the pornography. Erica contributed to this dialogue by mentioning how pornography can aid individuals in understanding their sexuality and becoming more familiar with pleasure. She also touched upon the concept of the orgasm gap, while Arena pointed out that the issues related to sexuality and pornography are not as prevalent as one might think.

However, the speaker noted a contrasting experience, particularly in their work with individuals suffering from death grip syndrome. This term, although somewhat informal, refers to a condition where individuals have become physiologically and neurologically conditioned to a specific type of stimulation, often due to habits formed during masturbation. As a result, when these individuals engage in sexual relationships, they may find it challenging to achieve satisfaction because the sensations experienced during actual sexual encounters differ significantly from those in pornography.

The discussion also touched on the implications of couples watching pornography together. Research indicates that increased consumption of pornography correlates with relationship dissatisfaction, leading to the question of causality: Does watching more pornography stem from unhappiness in the sexual relationship, or does it contribute to that dissatisfaction? This complexity underscores the need for further exploration in this area.

Moreover, the speaker emphasized that discrepancies in pornography consumption between partners often lead to decreased satisfaction. While they may see a significant number of cases in their practice, it is important to note that these individuals are seeking help for specific issues. In the general population, the prevalence of such problems may not be as high, as many individuals do not report them in studies.

Additionally, there exists a moral component to the discussion, as people's beliefs about the morality of pornography can influence their perceptions and experiences. Those who view pornography as morally wrong are more likely to report issues related to it. Thus, the nuances of how pornography can be both beneficial and harmful to individuals are critical to understanding its broader implications.

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Early exposure to pornography can wire your brain for addiction and emotional crutches, impacting motivation and relationships in ways we’re just beginning to understand.

Not coming to the urologist as often is a trend that has been observed. Right, however, I'm certainly not seeing as much of it, and it's not reported in terms of like people complaining about it in studies. Again, these studies are small numbers and they're not generalizable to the entire population. But I would say that it's not as common as I think we let on.

The other important thing to add is that, because it's so nuanced, there's a big moral component. People have a belief about what pornography is—good or bad. So when they watch pornography, if they have a moral incongruence—meaning they think it's bad to watch pornography—they are more likely to report having a problem with it. There’s a lot of nuance here in terms of how pornography can be beneficial or harmful to a specific individual and how it affects that specific individual's brain. Whether it's going to send the same pathways, you know, as any sort of strong visual stimuli, the way your body sensitizes to those pathways is very individual.

Now, regarding pornography's impact on the brain, particularly in terms of its effect on dopamine and how that then cascades into other areas of our lives, I think that the biggest takeaway is that it is doing way more than we ever realized. The first thing is that if you get exposed to pornography early on in life—this accidental exposure, by the way—the most common story that I hear, and this is such a weird anecdotal statistic, is that if you're a younger brother with an older brother, I see so many pornography addicts who have older brothers. The most common story I hear is that the older brother is post-puberty and is watching pornography, which is a little bit more understandable and acceptable. Then, your younger brother wants to do whatever you're doing and gets exposed to it at an early age.

So, the first thing we know is that early exposure correlates with an increase in potential for addiction. That's probably somewhat neurological and potentially somewhat sociological or family-oriented. If you think about what kind of seven-year-old will get exposure to pornography, maybe parents aren't in the house as much, so there could be other risk factors. But we absolutely know that when you activate in an artificial way the dopaminergic circuitry of the brain, it sensitizes the dopaminergic circuitry and makes it more vulnerable to dopamine later on. This is something called the kindling effect. We see this also, for example, in marijuana as a gateway drug. The reason marijuana is a gateway drug is not because it makes you immoral, but because once we start activating certain circuits in the brain during brain development, it changes the way that they develop.

The second thing we see is that pornography is used as a method of emotional regulation. I was trying to figure out what effect pornography has on the brain, and it turns out that every part of the brain, every neurotransmitter, is involved in the sexual act. The evolutionary purpose of a human being is to procreate, so all of our circuitry is designed for this. We see that there's absolutely an emotional regulation component because when we get aroused, our brain doesn't care about anything else in our life when it comes to the act of procreation.

Thus, we see a lot of emotional regulation, which then becomes an emotional crutch. I see a lot of this now where people at work will watch pornography, and it's not about masturbation or lust; it's about emotional regulation. I've seen a huge spike in second screen pornography, where people will be working and just have porn running in the background. This is a really common story and reflects an emotional regulation effect.

Now, regarding dopamine, here's a really fascinating point: it absolutely messes with your dopamine levels. When it messes with your dopamine, it also messes with your motivation because dopamine is the primary neurotransmitter involved in motivation. So as you watch more pornography, you just stop being as motivated about the other things in your life.

The really crippling thing, the really scary thing from a relationship standpoint, is that if we look at falling in love, it is primarily the function of dopamine. When we look at a relationship, there's initial attraction, which comes from the thalamus and our sensory inputs—what do I see, what do I hear? Oh, she smells great; her laugh is beautiful. That's all sensory. Then we get into the stage where we’re in love.

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Excessive pornography use can drain your dopamine levels, making it harder to feel motivated and fall in love.

The question you asked about is dopamine, and here's a really fascinating thing: it absolutely messes with your dopamine. When it messes with your dopamine, it messes with your motivation because dopamine is the primary neurotransmitter involved in motivation. As you watch more pornography, you just stop being as motivated about the other things in your life.

The really crippling thing, the really scary thing from a relationship standpoint, is that when we look at falling in love, it is primarily the function of dopamine. In a relationship, there's initial attraction, which comes from the thalamus in our sensory inputs. For example, what do I see? What do I hear? Oh, she smells great; her laugh is beautiful. That's all sensory. Then we get into the stage where we're in love, where I can't get enough of this person. I'm just sitting with this person; we're not talking, we're not doing anything, we're just holding hands, and oh, I'm so in love.

Literally, what creates that feeling is dopamine. However, when we start using pornography on a regular basis, our dopamine stores start to deplete, and we begin to develop dopamine tolerance. Clinically, what I'm seeing matches this because it's harder for people to fall in love. When I talk to younger people now, who are in their 20s and 30s and struggling to date, they often go on a couple of dates, but what's the problem? There’s no chemistry; there’s no spark that comes from dopamine. I think we're seeing all kinds of really scary downstream effects from unregulated pornography use.

I can't help but feel that what you're talking about is a very masculine experience somehow. When we discuss porn addiction or compulsory behavior with pornography, it is very related to men, and our society tends to see men's experiences as universal experiences. I think we lack a perspective on where women fit into this construction of addiction or use of pornography.

Do you see it as an addiction? Well, I think that, in medical vernacular, it hasn't been termed an addiction; they call it problematic porn use because there hasn't been a clear definition in terms of addiction. However, I would say that there are certainly people who have this experience, but there are also many people who use pornography and don't develop this tolerance. It may be more common in younger people because they're getting access to it sooner and more often, and that has yet to play out, at least in older generations.

I would say that many people use it just fine and don’t have an issue. While these issues do exist, there are also a whole bunch of other things ongoing in society right now that may make it more difficult for people to connect and feel intimacy. More and more people are not getting married, and more are choosing to stay single for a variety of reasons. I don't think porn is the only factor there.

I do think it is something that people can control, and if you feel like you have a problem with it, being able to control pornography allows you to feel like you have control in one area of your life. That control can potentially improve other areas of your life. I think there are correlations here, but it’s very complex. The way it affects our brains is also very complex. While dopamine is one way to describe it, there are different sensitivities in how our brains respond to the same stimuli.

The way I watch pornography, the way you watch pornography, and the way anyone of us watches pornography means our brains will respond in different ways because our receptors are either more sensitive or less sensitive. There's no way to really test that on an individual level.

One of the things I found most interesting when I first discussed this topic on the podcast is that my team looked at a couple of tools that pull search data to see what people are searching on the subject. The number one most searched term was how do I quit pornography. This is quite an interesting thing because there’s a certain desperation to that question. Going to Google to ask how to quit a behavior suggests a context of addiction. In fact, the second most popular search term was also about how to quit this thing, which speaks to a certain powerlessness that a certain percentage of people feel they have with pornography.

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Many people are searching for ways to quit pornography, revealing a deep sense of struggle and powerlessness that often goes unspoken.

The topic of pornography is sensitive, and there's no way to really test its effects on an individual level. One of the things I found most interesting during my first conversation on this podcast about pornography was when my team looked into a couple of tools that pull search data. They discovered that the number one most searched term was "how do I quit pornography." This finding is quite intriguing because it reflects a certain desperation in that question. People are turning to Google to ask how to quit a behavior that resembles addiction. In fact, the second most popular search term was also about how to quit this thing, which speaks to a sense of powerlessness that a certain percentage of people feel regarding pornography.

This issue connects to the huge stigma around sex and pornography. Many individuals hold the moral belief that pornography is bad, even while they desire to watch it. It's important to note that while we often discuss pornography, it is intrinsically linked to technology and how it has hijacked our lives. Young people today are reporting that they are not having as much sex as previous generations, and they are also playing outside less than they used to. This correlation suggests that we need to consider the role of technology and how much space pornography occupies in our lives.

When discussing pornography, most people perceive it as a monolithic concept. If you were to ask people on the street what porn is, they would likely think of tube sites. However, there are many different kinds of pornography. This raises the question: Do you think there's such a thing as good porn and bad porn? It is a difficult distinction to make, as labeling some types as acceptable and others as not can perpetuate stigma. We need to consider pornography that is produced under great working conditions, taking care of everyone involved, especially the performers. This includes support from intimacy coordinators and talent managers, allowing performers to provide feedback throughout the process and ensuring they are aware of all conditions beforehand.

We also touched on the impact of pornography on the brain. Some of your work involves dealing with people who experience erectile dysfunction, and statistics indicate a significant increase in reported erectile dysfunction over the last couple of decades. Do you think pornography has played a role in this increase?

I believe this issue relates to how people learn about sex through pornography. When they engage in sexual encounters with their partners, they may not respond as they do in pornographic scenarios, leading to feelings of insecurity. This can result in psychogenic erectile dysfunction, where performance anxiety prevents individuals from achieving an erection. Factors such as body image insecurity and unrealistic expectations from watching mainstream pornography contribute to this issue.

Furthermore, frequent pornography use can lead to individuals being unable to achieve the same level of stimulation with a partner. They may rely on intense visual erotic stimuli that they cannot replicate in real-life interactions, leading to frustration and confusion about their arousal. This reliance on pornography can create a cycle where individuals question why they are not getting aroused or achieving an erection, ultimately affecting their sexual experiences.

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Pornography is evolving into a mass-produced distraction, leaving many searching for ways to quit as it hijacks genuine intimacy and connection.

In the discussion about pornography, it is important to clarify that we're not really showing real sex; instead, we're showing a produced product that is meant to entertain and captivate people for a short period of time. This distinction raises concerns, particularly when individuals begin to rely on pornography excessively. Many people find themselves using pornography frequently, which can lead to difficulties in achieving arousal with a partner. They may experience issues such as using a death grip or relying on very intense visual erotic stimuli that they cannot replicate with a real person. Consequently, they may wonder, "why am I not getting aroused and why am I not getting an erection?" The answer often lies in their over-reliance on pornography, which can create psychological concerns about their own performance, leading to issues with erections.

Before delving deeper, it's worth considering Dr. K's point about motivation. There is a question of whether there is a correlation between the amount of pornography one watches and their motivation levels, particularly in relation to dopamine receptors. While it is difficult to generalize, it is clear that some people will take the E—meaning that increased availability of pornography can lead to more problematic behaviors. When something is readily available and used frequently, it can become a means of emotional regulation. For instance, individuals may turn to pornography to cope with stress or dissatisfaction in their relationships, effectively avoiding negative emotions. This avoidance can create challenges for some individuals.

I would like to add my perspective to this conversation. I completely agree with the points made, but I also arrive at a slightly different conclusion. Notably, the number one search term that we have is "how do I quit porn." This suggests that a significant portion of the population is actively seeking to stop using pornography. The reasons behind this search are complex, and while there is a debate about whether there is good porn or bad porn, it is essential to recognize that it's not a problem for everyone. However, the trend is concerning; pornography is getting worse.

The issue is not merely about categorizing pornography as good or bad but rather observing the trends that are emerging. As Erica pointed out, pornography can be more than the tube sites, which raises the question of why many people associate pornography primarily with these sites. They have effectively hijacked the system. This hijacking has led to a situation where pornography is increasingly problematic.

To illustrate this point, we can draw an analogy with nutrition. Just as there is a distinction between nutritious food and mere calories, the conversation around pornography can also be nuanced. Dr. Mik mentioned that if pornography is consumed as part of a relationship, it can be nutritious and beneficial. However, we are witnessing trends similar to those seen with fast food, where pornography is becoming mass-produced.

Interestingly, there is research that highlights this issue. A fascinating study involving biologists revealed that a population of beetles was dying out due to an unexpected factor: green beer bottles littered in their environment. The beetles were attempting to mate with these bottles, mistaking them for potential mates. This bizarre phenomenon underscores the impact of artificial stimuli on natural behaviors, paralleling the way that excessive exposure to pornography can distort human sexual experiences and relationships.

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Mass-produced pornography is like fast food for the brain—easily accessible, highly stimulating, and ultimately unhealthy for our understanding of real intimacy.

Pornography is becoming mass-produced, and there are actually studies that show this phenomenon. There is a particularly fascinating and bizarre piece of research that highlights the issue. A group of biologists noticed that a population of beetles was dying out, and they were trying to figure out the reason behind this decline. What they discovered was that there's one thing responsible for these beetles not mating with each other, which is green beer bottles that were being littered.

The researchers observed that the beetles were attempting to mate with the green beer bottles. They found clusters of male beetles around these bottles, leading them to question what was happening. It turns out that this situation illustrates a concept known as supernormal stimulus. When a beetle's eyes scan its environment, certain signals indicate the presence of a fertile female. However, the green glass beer bottle activated those parts of the beetle's brain, leading to confusion and mating attempts with the inanimate object.

This phenomenon parallels what we are witnessing with tube sites in the pornography industry. Things are getting louder and slipperier; we now have 4K high-definition content that transforms what used to be nutritious into fast food. The success of these tube sites can be attributed to a Darwinian war, where companies compete to create pornography that attracts the most traffic away from their competitors. They are rapidly discovering various ways to activate the brain's reward system, leading to a race to the bottom in terms of content quality.

The companies behind these tube sites are primarily motivated by profit. They are not genuinely interested in human sexuality, sex, or the conditions of the people working in front of the camera. Instead, they are focused on selling advertisements, which requires content that is extreme, clickbaity, and quick to consume. This approach mirrors the practices of the food industry, where the most sugary and readily available products tend to succeed.

For instance, OnlyFans released their earnings for last year, showing a 20% increase, totaling $6.6 billion. Similarly, PornHub, one of the major tube sites, is currently the eighth most trafficked website in the world, with 5.5 billion monthly visits. These brands are recognized widely, and the content they provide is extreme, much like high-sugar foods that offer immediate gratification.

Accessing this content is incredibly easy; one can simply log on without any preparation, whereas engaging in real-life sexual encounters requires effort, such as going to the gym, securing a job, and learning how to communicate with women. This ease of access to extreme content raises concerns about the implications for society.

However, I do worry that by disparaging pornography, we may inadvertently contribute to its proliferation. There is a significant amount of moral incongruence surrounding the topic, which leads to problematic discussions about porn addiction. Social media platforms are rife with claims that pornography is leeching people's life force and destroying lives. By labeling all pornography as bad, we add to this moral incongruence, even though pornography exists because people are watching it.

If you were to ask older generations about their views on contemporary pornography, many would likely express shock at the content available today, stating, "I don't want to see that." This generational divide highlights the evolving nature of pornography and the societal implications of its increasing accessibility and normalization.

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The more we shame pornography, the deeper we trap ourselves in a cycle of guilt and dependence, while companies exploit our desires for profit.

The discussion surrounding pornography has intensified, with many people asserting that pornography is bad. It seems almost impossible to navigate any social media platform without encountering someone citing a study claiming that pornography is leeching people's life force and leading to the destruction of lives. This widespread sentiment contributes to a moral incongruence, as we often declare that all pornography is bad. However, it is essential to recognize that pornography exists because we are watching it.

If you were to ask the generation older than mine whether they would be interested in watching the types of pornography available today, many would likely respond with no, I don’t want to see that. This raises the question of why such content is becoming increasingly popular. Personally, I find much of it to be totally anti-erotic. When I explore these platforms, I often feel a sense of revulsion rather than excitement, leading to the conclusion that it has an opposite effect on many viewers.

At the core of this issue is the pursuit of earning money and concentrating power. The industry is primarily focused on selling advertisements, promoting products like grow your dick pills and enticing viewers with images of the sexy Latina in your neighborhood. As a society, we have been slow to recognize the rapid changes that have occurred since these platforms emerged around 2007.

Reflecting on this, it is clear that our brains are wired to respond to various hormones—oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin, estrogen, testosterone—which facilitate procreation. However, these circuits have been fundamentally hijacked, leading to significant problems. This moral incongruence is not unique to pornography; we see similar patterns in other addictions, such as alcohol. When individuals feel guilty and ashamed about their pornography consumption, they often cope by watching more, creating a cycle of shame that fuels dependence.

While it is crucial to approach the moralistic aspects of this issue with caution, it is evident that the situation is worsening. For instance, platforms like OnlyFans introduce a social component that complicates matters further. Previously, one could consume pornography without the expectation of interaction, but now, users can receive direct messages from performers, creating a false sense of connection. This interaction can exacerbate feelings of shame and loneliness, as individuals may cling to any form of acknowledgment, even if it comes from an AI bot.

The underlying problem is that we are not having open discussions about sex and intimacy. Many people lack proper sex education, leaving them feeling lost and disconnected. This lack of understanding is evident across cultures. If individuals had access to comprehensive sex education, would they still turn to platforms like OnlyFans?

Moreover, there are now agencies where men impersonate porn stars on sites like OnlyFans, boasting about their earnings on social media. This trend highlights the reality that these impersonators know what men want to hear, tapping into their desires and loneliness. By combining social loneliness with pornography, we are witnessing a troubling evolution in how individuals engage with sexual content.

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The rise of fake intimacy in adult content is fueling social loneliness and distorting real-life connections, highlighting the urgent need for genuine sex education and healthier portrayals of desire.

In discussing the current landscape of sex education and its implications, it's clear that this need exists in all cultures. There is a growing concern regarding whether people would still engage in platforms like OnlyFans if they had proper sex education. The rise of big agencies has led to men pretending to be porn stars on sites like OnlyFans, where they often brag about their income. For instance, I’ve seen claims on social media like, “I’ve made $10,000 this month pretending to be this actress speaking to young men on OnlyFans.”

This phenomenon highlights a deeper issue: men know what other men want to hear. They are adept at crafting messages that resonate, creating a semblance of genuine interaction, whether it be with an AI bot or a real person. This situation is exacerbating social loneliness and intertwining it with pornography, leading to a distorted sense of relationships. As a result, we are witnessing a scale of social skills atrophy, where many men struggle to communicate effectively with women.

Moreover, it is essential to recognize that media, including pornography, conveys messages about gender roles and sexuality. The prevalence of misinformation in the vast realm of free online porn contributes to unrealistic expectations. For example, when women are depicted screaming in fake orgasms after four minutes of hard penetration, it creates confusion. Many men may believe that this is how their partners should behave, leading to a disconnect in real-life interactions.

In contrast, I strive to create lovely porn that is beautiful and cinematic. My work focuses on portraying different ideas of desire and fantasy, emphasizing genuine connections and chemistry between performers. I actively involve my performers in the process, asking them who they want to work with and ensuring they have the support of intimacy coordinators and talent managers.

If you were to consume my pornography, you would likely notice the great cinematography and erotic-driven narratives. Many viewers express surprise, saying, “Is it really porn?” This reaction stems from their perception of traditional porn as tacky and objectifying. In my films, the sexual encounters are grounded in a mutual desire, inviting the audience to join the characters on their erotic journey.

It is fair to assume that my work has a slower story arc, which contrasts with the fast-paced content found on popular tube streaming sites. While these sites optimize for user consumption driven by data and profit, I prioritize ethics and the message I want to convey. For me, the money is not the most important aspect of why I created this company. I aim to promote a different narrative in the world of adult entertainment.

Occasionally, my content does end up on those larger sites, often altered to fit their framework. These platforms tend to fetishize people and employ racist and chauvinistic language, whereas my films utilize much softer language and approach the subject matter with care and respect.

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It's not about the quantity of pleasure, but the quality of connection that transforms our relationship with intimacy.

The discussion revolves around the impact of pornography on relationships and the ethical considerations behind its production and consumption. One participant emphasizes that the industry is primarily driven by money, stating, "the data is going to determine what people see." In contrast, they express a commitment to ethics, noting that for them, money is not the most important aspect of their work. They aim to send a different kind of message to the world through their content.

When asked about the presence of their content on various sites, they acknowledge that, in the past, their work has been taken and altered by these platforms. They highlight that many of these sites often fetishize people and use racist and chauvinistic language, whereas their films employ much softer language. The process of removing pirated content from these sites has proven to be quite challenging.

The conversation then shifts to the effects of pornography on relationships, particularly between men and women. One participant suggests that the answer is individual, stating, "I think it's a very individual decision what works best." They express a preference for her porn, suggesting that it is better than no porn at all. They argue that for someone struggling with pornography, watching an erotic film with a partner can serve as a healthy transition from consuming more harmful forms of pornography.

The discussion continues to explore the concept of rewiring the brain and the importance of anticipation in sexual experiences. They note that the lag time of parasympathetic activation in foreplay is significantly more crucial for women than for men, who may be more ready to engage quickly. This leads to a broader conversation about sexual education and the need to teach men to embrace a more erotic approach to intimacy, rather than relying on processed forms of pornography.

The idea of hosting erotic film watch parties is proposed as a way to reduce stigma around pornography. However, this raises a question about whether such gatherings could inadvertently increase addiction. One participant explains that addiction often arises when a behavior becomes the sole method for emotional regulation. They draw a parallel to alcohol consumption, noting that using alcohol solely as a coping mechanism can strengthen addiction, while using it in various contexts can help mitigate it.

Ultimately, they argue that changing our relationship to pornography is essential. They assert that viewing someone naked or engaging in sexual acts should not be solely about getting off or emotional regulation; rather, it should encompass a broader understanding of intimacy and connection.

=> 00:48:32

Changing our relationship with addiction can lead to healthier habits and deeper connections, proving that pleasure and mindfulness can coexist.

The more that we use substances in different, healthier ways, the more it actually chips away at the addiction. In some cases, this is also highly individualized. Depending on your genetic predispositions and other factors, you may find that you cannot drink at weddings. However, we also see the opposite scenario, where a huge number of people qualify for alcohol addiction during college, yet most of those individuals are able to develop healthy relationships with alcohol over time. One of the biggest changes we are witnessing in addiction is the realization that there are indeed healthy relationships we can cultivate.

I believe it's about changing our relationship to the substance. For instance, seeing someone naked engaging in a sexual act is not solely about getting off; it is not solely about emotional regulation or dopamine. It can now become a fuller experience that we can enjoy. We are diversifying our relationship with the object of our desire. I hope that makes sense. This involves psychoanalytic awareness, mindfulness, and understanding how we use these substances or experiences.

Furthermore, I think it's great to recognize that if men are watching this, engaging in an erotic film with your significant other—assuming a heterosexual relationship—may be a great way to enhance your sexual experience. You don’t need dick-enhancing pills or anything else. My understanding from medical school, particularly in Urology, is that the majority of female nerve endings are located at the front end of the vagina. If you reach all the way back to the cervix, it can be painful. Therefore, you don’t actually need a gigantic penis to achieve pleasure.

If men are primarily facing this addictive problem, it’s essential to help them realize that sexual pleasure and engaging in a relationship with pornography can be a force for good. It doesn’t necessarily have to be seen as evil. Perhaps erotic films can move us in that direction. Honestly, my degenerate male brain is telling me that watching an erotic film for an hour and a half could be the best and easiest foreplay I could ever do.

Additionally, I've been reflecting on the fact that we don’t often talk about erotic audio literature or erotic books, which are more commonly used by women. These forms of media are not stigmatized; women openly say, “Oh, I love these books and I read them all the time,” and nobody labels it as bad. The main issue seems to circle back to our bodies; we are somehow ashamed of our nakedness and our sexuality. For example, while women can show nipples online, I find myself heavily censored. My social media accounts are often restricted, making it nearly impossible to grow my audience.

When it comes to the question of whether pornography should be banned on social media, Dr. K has a clear stance: yes, pornography should be banned. However, he believes that while explicit images should be prohibited, the right to discuss, give sexual advice, or talk about different topics around sexuality should be allowed. Although we are allowed to discuss these topics, I have also faced bans.

Interestingly, platforms like YouTube and Instagram have different policies. For instance, I have Ted Talks that are censored, meaning only individuals over 18 with an account can access them, even though it's just me talking. There are definitely limitations. We've noticed that videos may not appear in search results as prominently. For example, when Andrew Huberman appeared on our show and discussed pornography, the video received huge recommendations due to the title and thumbnail. However, if you typed in his name, it wouldn’t come up until we removed the word "porn." This has been quite surprising to observe.

=> 00:52:35

Social media algorithms prioritize engagement, often promoting extreme content over healthier choices, leaving us to navigate a landscape where the most sensational wins.

YouTube's fine and Instagram have become platforms where certain content is heavily regulated. For instance, I have Ted Talks that are censored, allowing only individuals who are over 18 and possess an account online to access and watch them. In these talks, it's me talking about various topics.

There are definitely limitations in how content is presented. One observation we've made is that a video may not appear in search results in the same way, yet it can still receive substantial recommendations from the algorithm. For example, when we had Andrew Huberman on a couple of weeks ago discussing pornography, the video received significant recommendations due to the inclusion of "porn" in the title and thumbnail. However, if you typed in "Andrew Huberman," the video would not appear until we removed the word "porn." This experience has been quite surprising to us.

I find it interesting that when you asked a question, someone immediately jumped in with an answer. This interaction highlights the value of discussion. Personally, I don't feel as passionate about certain topics, but when asked about which content is the best, I felt compelled to respond, stating, "this is clear to me."

I want to touch on a few points. Firstly, Dr. Bollock mentioned audio literature, such as erotic fiction or romance novels. I believe it's harder to commoditize these forms of literature, which ties back to Erica's point about some things being more likely to be turned into "fast food." Additionally, I think the issue of addiction is more complex. Men are epidemiologically more vulnerable to addiction, but psychological issues manifest differently in men and women. This distinction is crucial as we observe varying addictive qualities in different contexts.

When it comes to whether certain content should be banned, I find myself uncertain. I operate more at the individual level, though I do have some ideas about what could be done. However, I remain curious and open to discussion. The concern arises particularly because social media is accessible to children. If we are discussing platforms meant for individuals over 18, that changes the conversation entirely.

Take Twitter, or as it is now called, X. The platform is inundated with explicit content, and one can accidentally stumble across pornography. I mentioned this to my partner a couple of weeks ago, showing her how Twitter has changed. I scrolled down my timeline and pointed out how frequently explicit content appeared. Although I have not personally encountered it, many people have reported that such content appears on their feeds regularly.

A recent change to the algorithm has prioritized view time, which means that to keep users engaged, the platform shows more extreme content—videos of violence, accidents, and pornography. This strategy effectively increases dwell time and, consequently, advertising revenue. Much of our discussion today has revolved around this issue, and I sometimes refer to it as being idealistic. It can sound as if we are suggesting that people should just be given "broccoli" when, in reality, if left to their own devices, they will gravitate toward "cookies" if those are available.

If we draw parallels to food, we have implemented labeling to inform consumers about calorie content and have introduced a sugar tax in the UK. We also provide warnings on cigarette packages, detailing the health risks associated with smoking. Should we consider applying similar measures to pornography? Part of me thinks that merely suggesting we should provide healthier options is unrealistic.

However, I also believe that adults have the right to watch pornography, regardless of the type, as long as it is legal and ethically produced. I hope for a future where all pornography is produced ethically, as the industry is gradually moving towards that goal.

=> 00:56:09

We need to connect the dots between harmful habits and what truly matters to people, showing them the real-life consequences of their choices.

In recent discussions about public health, the conversation often turns to labels on food that indicate calorie content and the implementation of a sugar tax in the UK. Similar measures have been taken with cigarettes, where explicit warnings and images are used to demonstrate the dangers of smoking, such as the potential for lung cancer. This raises the question: should we be doing something similar with pornography?

Some argue that simply telling individuals to consume healthier options, like broccoli instead of cookies, is ineffective. While adults have the right to watch pornography, as long as it is legal and ethically produced, there is a growing concern about the potential harms associated with it. The industry is reportedly working towards higher standards, but should we also inform consumers about the risks of pornography at the point of consumption, akin to the warnings on cigarettes?

This topic is complex, and there are parallels to be drawn with gambling and gaming. Just as there are healthy and unhealthy ways to engage with video games, the same can be said for pornography. However, the effectiveness of warning labels is still a matter of debate.

Reflecting on personal experiences, one medical student shared a story that illustrates the challenges of changing behavior. When he encountered a patient who smoked, he presented the dangers of smoking, including the risks of lung cancer and heart disease. Despite the warnings, the patient continued to smoke. This experience highlighted a crucial point: simply informing someone that a behavior is harmful is often not enough to motivate change.

The student learned that to encourage healthier choices, such as eating broccoli instead of cookies, one must connect with what truly matters to the individual. In this case, he discovered that the patient cared deeply about his daughter and wanted to be present for significant moments in her life, such as walking her down the aisle. By framing the conversation around the patient's personal values and desires, the student was able to convey the consequences of smoking in a way that resonated with him.

This approach, while still a form of warning, is more individualized and impactful. The student also noted that in his current role as a Twitch streamer, he faces the challenge of encouraging people to reduce their gaming time, which can feel like "holding an AA meeting in a bar." Despite the difficulties, he remains hopeful, as many individuals actively search for ways to quit pornography, indicating a desire for change. However, they often lack a clear path to achieve it.

In conclusion, while warning labels and explicit messages about the dangers of various behaviors can be beneficial, connecting with individuals on a personal level and addressing their values may be more effective in promoting healthier choices.

=> 00:59:33

Finding purpose is the antidote to the emptiness that drives us to seek pleasure in unhealthy ways.

As a first-year medical student, I found the experience to be kind of brutal, but it actually sunk in that you have to connect with people through what they care about. However, there is still a warning associated with this, isn't there? You've put a warning on that aspect, but it's a little different. It's individualized. Even now, when I stream on Twitch, I try to get people to stop playing video games, which feels like holding an AA meeting in a bar.

What I've discovered is that we've lost a lot of faith in humanity. If you give people a choice between broccoli and a cookie, they are going to take the cookie. Yet, I remain hopeful. I think we see that the number one search is how do I quit porn. There is a lot of energy in the desire to quit; they just don't have a path. One of the very simple things we can do is emphasize watching an erotic film.

I suggest telling people, "Hey, if you're lonely, if you're having trouble finding a relationship, or if you have a problem with premature ejaculation or difficulty achieving orgasm, what you need to do is slow it down." Don't make sex a three-minute jiggly slippery experience; instead, slow it down and watch an erotic film. This can help reprogram your brain. I bet that if we could scientifically prove that watching erotic films could help reprogram the brain, it would be incredibly successful because people are hungry for this. They are hungry for what we are biologically designed to do, which is connect and have fulfilling sexual relationships.

What's your take on that, Dr.? I think that would be helpful absolutely. Telling someone to go cold turkey from something they derive pleasure from can be challenging, especially if they have addictive personalities. Instead, giving them something else to derive pleasure from—like the benefits of orgasm and enjoyment—can be a great way forward. When you take something away that they’ve used as a crutch and provide nothing to replace it with, it can lead to a void.

We've discussed how giving people a purpose is essential. A lot of times, people lack purpose, leading them to engage in activities like watching porn out of boredom. If we can provide them with a purpose—whether it's through watching an erotic film or finding a meaningful activity in their life—this could help address issues like not getting married, high divorce rates, and not having kids.

Interestingly, there is a two-way relationship between purpose and porn motivation. If we give them a purpose, one might argue that they would stop watching porn because they would have more motivation to engage in other activities. Research shows that two strong variables associated with pornography addiction are a sense of meaninglessness in life and early exposure to porn. When life feels meaningless, my body and brain become squeeze bottles of dopamine. I try to extract as much dopamine as I can to find joy in the day, leading to more consumption of mass-produced, supernormal stimulus pornography.

This creates a vicious cycle: if I’m extracting all my dopamine from watching pornography, I will have none left for behavioral reinforcement from other activities. Reading books becomes less enjoyable, going to a park becomes less fun. This cycle of meaninglessness leads to a reliance on porn, not erotic films.

So, can we eliminate porn? I’m not sure. The majority of my income depends on it, and my brand would collapse if it were banned. I think we need to find a balance in addressing these issues while recognizing the complexities involved.

=> 01:03:19

Pornography can drain your motivation and make everything else feel meaningless, especially for the younger generation still figuring out their purpose.

Dude who watches porn is like an instant source of distraction. However, if I'm watching pornography, it's going to sap me of the motivation to pursue my purpose. Absolutely, if I'm extracting all my dopamine through watching pornography, I'm going to have none left for behavioral reinforcement from other activities. As a result, reading books becomes not as much fun, and going to a park becomes not as much fun. This creates a vicious cycle where I experience meaninglessness; I have no reason to do anything all day, so I might as well watch some porn instead of an erotic film.

When discussing the implications of pornography, I think there are a lot of things we've talked about. Sexual education is crucial, especially in understanding what younger kids are watching. Adults typically have more developed brains and understand that what they are viewing is a produced product. They have presumably gone through the process of finding a job and engaging in other activities that give them purpose; perhaps they have children or a family. However, the young generation is still figuring themselves out. Many are struggling to find partners, as we know there are fewer people coupling and a higher mismatch of expectations in dating.

For these individuals, it’s easy to fall into watching pornography while trying to navigate their lives. This generation probably shouldn’t be watching porn anyways, and focusing on educating them could make a significant difference. Parents are genuinely worried about how to approach this topic. They need to understand that they should be there for their children, open to discussions about any doubts or situations that arise. Parents should not shy away from these conversations due to feelings of shame or fear of difficult questions.

I would tell parents to educate themselves. If you have kids, you will need to talk to them about sex. It’s essential to start this education at a young age, even when they are learning language. Many young kids today don’t know the difference between a vagina and a vulva. For example, Billie Eilish mentioned wanting to put her face in people's vaginas, but in reality, she was referring to the vulva.

I completely agree with everything you're saying. As a parent, I have talked to my kids about sex, and it’s important to start early with at least knowing the anatomy. Children should understand their body parts and those of the opposite gender, so they recognize the differences. Kids are naturally curious and will ask questions, so it’s vital to be open and willing to have conversations about these topics.

It’s important to realize that it’s not going to be just one conversation. Discussions about sex will evolve throughout their development as they grow older. Parents may introduce more topics or respond to their children's questions, always ensuring there is no shame involved. Even young children may engage in behaviors like masturbation, which is a soothing behavior. If a child is seen doing this, parents should not shame them but rather explain that it’s something to do in private.

Having these conversations is crucial, even though it may be uncomfortable. Parents have a duty to educate their children about sex since they are unlikely to receive adequate education in schools.

Interestingly, when we started working with gamers, parents began reaching out for help. They would say, “Hey, I have a son who’s got this problem,” which is usually a son, sometimes a daughter, in a 70-30 ratio. They would ask, “How do I talk to them?” This led us to start a study in 2020 or 2021 to explore these issues further.

=> 01:06:50

Conversations about difficult topics like pornography and sex need to start early and happen often; it's not a one-time talk, but a continuous dialogue that prepares kids for the realities they'll face.

It's important to acknowledge that discussing sensitive topics, such as pornography and video game addiction, can be uncomfortable. However, we have a duty to engage in these conversations because children are not going to learn about these issues adequately in school. As one speaker noted, "it's going to be uncomfortable," but it's essential to have these discussions.

When we began working with gamers, we quickly noticed that parents were reaching out for guidance. They often expressed concerns about their children, typically sons, but sometimes daughters, facing issues related to these topics. This led us to initiate a study in 2020 or 2021, where we developed various techniques and measured their effectiveness. After four years of data collection, we compiled our findings into a book titled "How to Raise a Healthy Gamer," which focuses on conversational techniques for parents on how to talk to their kids about these issues. Interestingly, we found that many of these techniques are also effective for discussing pornography.

One of the key takeaways from our research is that parents often make the mistake of thinking they can cover everything in one conversation. Instead, multiple conversations are necessary. Additionally, it's crucial to start earlier than you think you need to. In medicine, we learn that you shouldn't wait until someone is dying to have end-of-life conversations; similarly, parents should not wait until their children are older to discuss these topics. For instance, statistics show that 64% of people are exposed to pornography by the age of 11, often accidentally. This can lead parents to mistakenly believe they can delay these discussions until their children are 14 or older.

Another important aspect is to engage in open dialogue. For example, instead of directly asking, "Do you watch porn?" parents can start with questions like, "Are you familiar with what pornography is?" or "What do you understand about it?" Additionally, an effective evidence-based technique is to ask about peers: "Do you have friends who watch porn?" This approach allows children to reflect on their surroundings and share their thoughts without feeling directly confronted.

By making themselves a resource, parents can signal that these conversations are welcome. This preparation equips children with the tools to navigate complex situations related to sex and relationships, which are not always straightforward.

Moreover, there is a concerning link between pornography and violence. Statistics reveal that nearly one in three porn videos contains physical violence, and almost 90% of the most famous porn scenes involve violence. Among 18 to 21-year-olds, 79% had seen pornography involving sexual violence during childhood. Alarmingly, almost 50% of young people believe girls expect sex to involve physical aggression. A study conducted in 2024 found that 57% of young people aged 18 to 35 had been strangled during sex, with 51% experiencing strangulation at least once. Furthermore, the BBC reported that 38% of women under 40 have experienced unwanted slapping, choking, and gagging during consensual sex, and 42% felt pressured or coerced into these acts.

These statistics raise critical questions about the impact of early exposure to pornography. If children learn that sex is associated with violence from a young age, could this lead to an increase in violent behavior? The implications of these findings underscore the necessity of having open and honest conversations about sex and relationships, preparing children for the realities they may face.

=> 01:10:43

We need to talk about how young people's understanding of sex is shaped by violent portrayals in pornography, leading to dangerous expectations and behaviors.

Sexual violence when they were children is a significant concern, with almost 50% of young people stating that girls expect sex to involve physical aggression, such as airway restriction. According to a study conducted in 2024, it was found that 57% of young people aged 18 to 35 had experienced strangulation during sex, and 51% had been strangled at least once during sexual encounters. Furthermore, the BBC revealed that 38% of women under the age of 40 have experienced unwanted slapping, choking, and gagging during consensual sex, with 42% of these women reporting feeling pressured or coerced into these acts.

This raises the question of whether allowing young people to watch pornography poses a risk of teaching them that sex is inherently a violent act, potentially leading to increased violence. G, who initiated this discussion, emphasized the importance of addressing this issue. They mentioned speaking to Debbie Herban, who leads many studies on strangulation. Her findings indicate that strangulation during intercourse or foreplay has become so common among college-age students that it is almost normalized, akin to kissing. Often, consent is not adequately discussed, leading to situations where individuals may not fully understand the implications of such actions.

As G pointed out, asphyxiation can result in a loss of oxygen to the brain, which raises serious health concerns. They argued that just as we restrict children from watching violent movies, there should be similar restrictions on pornography, which can expose them to harmful ideas about sex. The concern lies in the fact that young people may encounter violent pornography at an early age, leading to misconceptions about sexual norms.

The conversation then shifted to the nature of pornography itself. While it is true that some individuals derive pleasure from acts like strangulation, this does not mean that such practices are universal or should be emulated in real life. Pornography is often a fantasy, produced in controlled environments, and does not reflect the realities of healthy sexual relationships. It is crucial to recognize that sexual violence towards women is a systemic issue that predates the advent of pornography. The most dangerous place for a woman is often her own home, surrounded by those she trusts.

G further elaborated that pornography can serve as a mirror reflecting societal values, including the normalization of sexual violence. However, as pornography has gained popularity, it has also contributed to problematic attitudes and behaviors. Young people may internalize what they see and attempt to replicate it in their own relationships. This can lead to expectations that sex must involve violence, as they may have received their sexual education from sources like Twitter or pornography rather than comprehensive sexual education.

Dr. K joined the discussion, expressing agreement on the importance of this topic. They noted a rising interest in asphyxiation and questioned the motivations behind this trend. While there is a lack of randomized control trials to provide definitive answers, the physiological aspects of these behaviors are indeed fascinating and warrant further exploration.

Overall, the conversation highlights the urgent need for better sexual education and open discussions about consent, boundaries, and the implications of what young people are exposed to in media and pornography.

=> 01:14:53

The rise in risky sexual behaviors reflects deeper societal issues, including coercion and desensitization, revealing a troubling intersection of anger, addiction, and the search for heightened experiences.

The discussion surrounding sexual practices, particularly asphyxiation, has become increasingly relevant. It is noted that 42% of women reported feeling pressured or coerced into acts such as slapping, choking, or being gagged. This raises important questions about consent and the dynamics of sexual relationships, as many women also feel coerced into having regular sex within their own marriages.

Dr. K shares several thoughts on this topic, emphasizing the significance of the conversation. He expresses curiosity about the rise in asphyxiation practices and questions the motivations behind them. He points out that there are no randomized control trials to provide definitive answers, but the physiology involved is fascinating. For instance, there are parallels between asphyxiation and states of meditation, where changes in brain activity can lead to experiences of bliss.

In meditation, practitioners often achieve a very low respiratory rate, sometimes as infrequent as one breath every eight minutes, compared to the typical rate of 13 to 14 breaths per minute. Dr. K explains that when the brain is deprived of oxygen, it can lead to alterations in consciousness that resemble psychedelic experiences. However, he warns that the lack of consent and preparation in asphyxiation practices poses significant risks, including potential brain damage and lethal outcomes.

Another trend Dr. K observes is the sexual desensitization that many individuals experience. He notes that as people consume more pornography, their arousal levels tend to diminish, leading them to seek out more extreme content to achieve the same level of excitement. Studies indicate that individuals vulnerable to addiction may also engage in risk-taking behaviors, which can heighten feelings of being alive and focused during risky activities.

Dr. K shares an anecdote about a patient who worked in a jail and found that committing crimes heightened his focus due to the risks involved. This intense focus is akin to the flow states experienced during activities that require complete concentration. However, he acknowledges that while some may find healthy ways to engage in risk, there are numerous unhealthy aspects associated with these behaviors.

Statistics indicate a troubling intersectionality of factors contributing to violence against women, including the anger and resentment some men feel towards women. Dr. K points out that the rise of incels and school shooters reflects a societal issue where men believe women are gatekeeping sexual access. This resentment can manifest in violent fantasies perpetuated through pornography, where women are often depicted in submissive or punished roles.

Dr. K concludes by asserting that the porn industry is capitalizing on these societal issues, creating content that caters to the fantasies of angry men. This highlights the need for a broader conversation about the implications of such content and its impact on societal attitudes towards women.

=> 01:18:46

The rise in violence against women in pornography reflects deeper societal issues, fueled by frustration and a narrow view of masculinity that reduces intimacy to mere conquest.

The reason we're seeing this violence against women in pornography is linked to the presence of an angry incel who is home alone. This individual believes they will never have sex and feels that women are gatekeeping this experience. Consequently, there emerges a masculine predatory systemic attitude where the mindset is, "I’m going to teach this woman a lesson; she doesn’t get to say no to me." Such feelings are being exploited by certain platforms that have realized that if they provide men with this fantasy, they will engage with it more and more. This leads to the punishment of women being depicted frequently, with messages like "I’m going to destroy you" becoming commonplace.

While some may argue that this is a social problem, not solely a porn industry issue, it is essential to recognize the role of the porn industry in this dynamic. The industry is effectively leveraging technology, particularly machine learning, to cater to these desires. As noted, there is a significant increase in sexual frustration and dissatisfaction with life, which prompts the industry to offer increasingly extreme content. This aligns with the observation that softcore pornography can act as a gateway drug to hardcore pornography. As the brain becomes desensitized, individuals seek more intense experiences to achieve the same high, akin to the progression seen with substances like heroin.

However, it is important to note that the desensitization process occurs in different circuits of the brain, and there is a certain patience and emotional component involved. While it is valid to consider the idea of pornography as a potential gateway, it is also crucial to explore the notion of eroticism. This concept moves away from the focus on orgasm, which is often associated with dopamine release, and instead emphasizes the broader experience of sexuality. When working with patients who have unhealthy relationships with sexuality, the goal is to shift the focus away from orgasm and recognize that sexual experiences can still be positive, even without reaching that climax.

A concerning trend is that as individuals consume this content, they may begin to believe that women like it and that they are expected to act in certain ways. This raises questions about coercion and pressure, particularly regarding how men perceive their roles in sexual encounters. There is a notable gap in literature regarding whether men feel pressured into certain behaviors, as the dominant narrative often revolves around a singular script of penetrative sex.

This phenomenon reflects the demand for such content and highlights the creators behind it. Traditional media, including movies, often perpetuates unrealistic portrayals of intimacy, where the female orgasm is depicted as a quick and effortless outcome. This lack of authenticity can lead to skewed perceptions of sexual experiences.

The current landscape is indeed a two-way dance, where existing demand is met with content that sometimes exacerbates that demand. As more content is produced, interest in it grows, creating a cycle of increased consumption. However, the challenge lies in the fact that those fulfilling this demand predominantly produce highly processed, orgasm-focused pornography.

Interestingly, this trend can also be observed in other creative fields, such as literature. The fantasy genre, for instance, has seen a significant influx of female authors over the past decade, leading to a transformation in storytelling. Perhaps what is needed now is for men to start writing romance novels, contributing to a more diverse narrative landscape that reflects a broader spectrum of human experience.

=> 01:22:35

The demand for authentic content is rising, but the industry often caters to quick thrills instead of genuine connections.

The discussion revolves around a two-way dance in the content industry, where increased content leads to heightened demand and greater interest. This phenomenon is evident in various fields, including literature, particularly the fantasy genre, which has seen a significant influx of female authors over the past 10 to 15 years. This shift indicates a transformation in the genre, suggesting that perhaps we also need dudes writing romance novels to diversify the offerings.

Consumers play a crucial role in this industry; they have power and influence. Those who watch pornography are actively participating in the industry by voting with their attention, time, clicks, and ideally, their money. It is emphasized that everyone should pay for their porn, as it is a legitimate industry where creators deserve compensation for their work. The notion that porn should not be free is highlighted, especially considering that other essential needs, such as food, water, and healthcare, are not universally recognized as human rights.

The discussion also touches on the advertising model behind free pornography, where consumers essentially become the product. This model indicates that there is no truly free porn; instead, users pay with their attention, whether through ads on websites or social media platforms. However, it is pointed out that the right people—the content creators—are not the ones benefiting financially from this model.

The emergence of OnlyFans has changed the landscape of the porn industry significantly. With $6.6 billion generated this year, of which about $5 billion went directly to creators, OnlyFans has allowed content makers to receive compensation directly from their customers. This shift has been seen as a positive development, enabling creators to make their own decisions and gain more control over their work.

The conversation then transitions to the concept of NoFap, which proposes abstaining from pornography and masturbation as a solution to challenges some individuals face with pornography consumption. While some may find personal benefits in abstaining, it is noted that claims about increased testosterone levels and other physiological changes lack substantial evidence. The literature shows only a small study with limited generalizability, indicating that the effects of abstaining from masturbation are not well-supported by scientific evidence.

Ultimately, the discussion concludes that while abstaining from pornography may help some individuals regain control over their lives, there is no conclusive evidence to suggest that it provides significant physiological benefits. The variability of testosterone levels and the complexities of individual experiences are acknowledged, emphasizing that the conversation around pornography and its consumption is nuanced and requires careful consideration.

=> 01:26:32

Abstaining from certain behaviors can be a powerful tool for self-control and personal growth, even if the physiological benefits are minimal.

Allowing individuals to have more control over other portions of their life is a significant aspect of personal development. However, a lot of people misinform others by claiming, "Oh, you're going to have a higher testosterone; you're going to have all these physiologic changes," which have not been supported by the literature. There is only a very small study that looked at men who abstained from ejaculation for 21 days, which reported a very small minute increase in testosterone—only involving about ten participants. This finding is not generalizable and has never been repeated. Furthermore, testosterone levels vary significantly over days and throughout the day, meaning that there's no evidence to support the claim that abstaining from activities like masturbation will yield any physiological benefits. More likely than not, either a nocturnal emission will occur, or the body will absorb the semen, resulting in no significant change physiologically.

When discussing the impact on fertility, the question arises: Is there an impact on fertility if I masturbate or don't masturbate? Yes, there is some evidence to suggest that if you abstain for about five days, you may see improvements in semen volume and certain characteristics of sperm. However, if abstinence extends beyond that period, it can lead to DNA damage, which can negatively affect fertility. Essentially, while the sperm may not die, they may not be effective in creating a healthy fetus or embryo.

This leads to a fascinating discussion about celibacy and abstinence from sexual activity. Many traditions advocate for abstinence, yet we do not study these traditions thoroughly. Personally, I believe that celibacy and abstinence can be incredibly powerful. It's important to consider why so many people believe in these practices despite the lack of evidence. Much of this stems from the prevalence of misinformation. In the nofap community, individuals share personal experiences, claiming that "this kind of thing changed my life."

There are many layers to this phenomenon. First, nofap can serve as a means to wrestle with behavioral control. For instance, individuals addicted to pornography may find themselves trapped in a cycle where they engage in the behavior out of boredom, leading to feelings of meaninglessness and a lack of purpose. By choosing to break this cycle, they focus on one aspect of their lives—such as masturbation—and challenge themselves. I completely agree with Dr. Mik that while there may not be a physiological change occurring, the act of challenging oneself can lead to significant life changes.

When viewed in isolation, masturbation may not have much of an effect. However, many people use abstinence as a vehicle to confront challenges in their lives, making a commitment to change. The benefits they experience may stem from this commitment rather than any physiological changes. Regarding testosterone and related claims, I also agree that there isn't a clear connection.

Interestingly, many meditative and religious traditions worldwide incorporate abstinence. For example, celibacy is a part of some Abrahamic religions and certain karmic religions from the East. At some point, humanity recognized that abstaining from sexual activity can have different impacts on the organism. One effect is the reduction of lustful thoughts, provided the abstinence is practiced correctly.

When individuals deprive themselves of a particular behavior, they may reduce the behavioral reinforcement associated with it. For instance, someone who is addicted to alcohol may initially experience an increase in desire when they stop drinking, but over time—perhaps ten years later—they may no longer think about it at all. Similarly, for someone who constantly thinks about sex, stopping engagement in that behavior can lead to a significant shift in their thought patterns and behaviors.

=> 01:30:12

Abstaining from sexual activity can reshape your thoughts and behaviors, offering a chance for self-control and clarity, but it's not a one-size-fits-all solution.

Abstaining from sexual activity is a concept that is part of some of the Abrahamic religions and also features in various karmic religions from the East. At some point, human beings figured out that this abstinence can have different kinds of impacts on the organism. For example, it reduces our thoughts of lust if practiced correctly. However, there are specific aspects that the nofap community may not fully understand.

When I deprive myself of a particular behavior, such as sexual activity, I sometimes reduce that behavioral reinforcement. For instance, if I look at someone who is addicted to alcohol, when they initially stop drinking, their desire for alcohol may increase. However, after ten years of abstinence, they may not even think about it anymore. Similarly, if someone is constantly thinking about sex and then stops engaging in sexual perceptions, this can lead to a significant reduction in those thoughts.

It is essential to remember that thoughts in our brain come from what we perceive. This is why advertising is effective; advertisers know that if they can show you something, you will think about it. If I am engaging in activities like fapping and watching pornography, I am receiving perceptual input that creates thoughts in my head. This means I am thinking about sexual content instead of focusing on other things. When I cut something off from my perception—like blocking an ex on social media—it's because I want to avoid any input that could control my thoughts.

Moreover, this concept has been manipulated by various patriarchal structures. For instance, in a particular sect of Hinduism, priests may choose to never see women, leading to extreme practices. However, nofap provides an opportunity for self-control and allows individuals to reduce their sensory input, which in turn diminishes their thoughts. There are also meditative traditions that suggest achieving esoteric spiritual experiences, which is a topic often discussed within the nofap community. These experiences can lead to individuals feeling like they have become slightly different human beings, with celibacy being a part of that journey.

It is crucial to note that the meditative traditions do not take advice from random individuals on the internet. For example, in esoteric meditations or spiritual practices, certain yogic postures are often involved. One such posture is called Siddhasana, or the Adept's Pose. In this pose, one places the heel of the right foot against the perineum, applying pressure to the area between the anus and the scrotum. This anatomical positioning affects blood flow, particularly to the testes, and can have physiological implications, such as a potential reduction in testosterone and semen production over time.

In conclusion, while I do not disagree with anything that Dr. Mik has said, it is important to remember that nofap is not a surefire solution to fix all problems. Some individuals may have positive experiences, but it is not the same for everyone. There are several factors at play within this community, including self-control, challenging oneself, setting goals, and creating purpose in life. Changing sensory inputs can also be beneficial; for instance, cutting out certain stimuli can help reduce constant thoughts about sex. This approach is akin to a "cold turkey" method, which can sometimes work for nicotine and sexual behaviors. However, individual experiences may vary, and we do not fully understand all the underlying mechanisms at play.

I also want to express my concern about individuals who are "white-knuckling" their way through this process, as they may struggle significantly while trying to adhere to these practices.

=> 01:33:45

White knuckling your way through challenges can backfire, leading to more harm than good. Instead of resisting, find healthier ways to cope and understand your body's needs.

In working with this community quite a bit, I have come to recognize that there are a couple of things that happen regarding self-control. These include challenging yourself, setting a goal, and creating purpose in your life. Additionally, it involves changing what your sensory inputs are so that you’re not constantly thirsty or preoccupied with thoughts about sex. Sometimes, you have to cut certain things out of your life entirely. This approach can resemble a cold turkey method, which can work for substances like nicotine and sometimes for sexual urges as well. However, I believe that your mileage may vary, and we don’t really know exactly what’s going on in each individual case.

I think the problem arises when people are white knuckling it. They may feel peer pressure to stop certain behaviors, which leads them to try very hard not to ejaculate. This effort can result in them tensing up their pelvic muscles, which can cause various problems, such as dysfunctions and pain with ejaculation or erections. Moreover, they may experience shame when they have a nocturnal emission, which is a nighttime ejaculation. They often feel shamed by the community for what is completely out of their physiological control. Ultimately, this can create a lot of harm in these situations.

If you’re using self-control in the way Dr. K describes, that’s fine, and I have no problem with it. However, I do take issue with individuals who harm themselves due to pressure from the group. To emphasize this point, it’s interesting to note that when people are white knuckling it, they may actually worsen their addiction. For instance, in the case of opioid addiction, an individual initially experiences a psychological craving. If they try to resist this craving, they may start to go into withdrawal. Instead of feeling euphoric, they begin to feel pain all over their body. Eventually, they may crack and use opioids again.

What’s fascinating is that the body learns how to manipulate the situation to ensure the individual uses opioids again. When someone white knuckles their addiction and eventually gives in, their body jumps straight to a level 10 withdrawal experience. This is similar to how children react to being denied something, like an iPad. If a child throws a temper tantrum and is given the iPad as a result, it encourages them to throw tantrums in the future.

This physiological response can be harmful when people are white knuckling it. They often don’t realize that every time they fail, they may be training their brain to punish them even harder, ultimately leading to a stronger craving for dopamine.

Furthermore, regarding pornography, it has been suggested that its usage serves as a powerful coping mechanism. It scratches an evolutionary itch for relationships. This raises the question of whether it is inherently a bad thing for people. Reflecting on this idea, I notice a recurring theme in the comment section: people seem to express disdain for dating apps and pornography, yet they continue to use both.

As a podcast, we were surprised the first time we had a dating app CEO on the show. Initially, I thought it would be a great episode where we could learn about the business and app development. However, when I looked at the comment section, I found that a group of people had shown up with strong opinions, illustrating the complexity of this topic.

=> 01:37:20

Pornography may feel like a quick fix for loneliness, but it's actually a barrier to real connections and healthier relationships.

I want to hear your opinion. I've got a quote here, but your experience has been that pornography usage is really just a powerful coping mechanism. It sort of scratches this evolutionary itch for relationships. Is it therefore not a bad thing for people? I'm reflecting on that idea, which we kind of addressed at the start, but also just what I see in the comment section. People really seem to hate dating apps and pornography, but they also seem to use them both.

As a podcast, we were really surprised the first time we had a dating app CEO on the show. I thought, "Oh great episode! We’ll learn a lot about business and how they built the app." However, when I looked at the comment section, this group of people had shown up with pitchforks, expressing their desperation and feeling that these dating apps and pornography have very much ruined their lives. So, I'm throwing that out there because it's a reflection of the comments that I see.

No, I didn’t say okay to try to shut you down; I was just like, "Let’s hear the rest." So, I think, once again, remember that every part of the brain, every neurotransmitter is involved in sexuality and relationships. What’s happening is that when we use technology to activate the brain, there are parts of the brain that don’t know the difference. The problem is that there are other parts of the brain that don’t get activated.

This is going to get a little bit weird, but let’s use the example of food. When I feel hungry, I can eat something that’s calorically dense, and that will satisfy my hunger. However, the calorically dense food may not have nutrition; it may not have micronutrients or fiber. When I replace something nutritious with something that tricks my body into thinking, "Oh, now we’re fine," that can be very damaging.

One of the things we see with pornography is that if we look at being horny, we realize that human beings are horny because if we weren’t, we would never mate. This is an evolutionary drive to help us succeed. Then we have this thing called post-nut clarity, which is when our horniness kind of goes down, changing the way we see the world.

Part of what we see a lot with pornography as a substitute for relationships is that we’ve evolved to have these parts of the brain that get activated. Relationships are a healthy thing for us, and now we’ve figured out how to partially activate the brain through pornography. This situation is getting worse with things like OnlyFans, where we develop a parasocial relationship. There usually aren’t parasocial relationships with adult film actresses, but now we have interaction.

I’ve seen more marriages ruined through OnlyFans than I have through pornography, and I’ve seen a big spike in this recently. It’s not just a physical thing; there’s enough insecurity and physicality and problems in the bedroom. Now, there’s an emotional relationship involved. If pornography online didn’t exist, would we have better romantic relationships in real life? You’ve got an opinion, haven’t you?

Yeah, we don’t know. The short answer is we don’t know, but an even shorter answer is things are worse with pornography. Here’s what I look at: if we don’t have randomized control trials (RCTs), what else can we look at? We can look at global trends. What are we seeing in terms of global trends in pornography and relationships?

Now, this isn’t causality; there could be all kinds of factors involved. One thing that I really appreciated is that my co-guests have clearly shown how nuanced and multifactorial this issue is. Generally speaking, people are watching way more porn, and relationships are getting worse. We have declining birth rates, people are getting married later, and we’re seeing a kind of global zeitgeist problem between men and women.

Pornography is correlated with those two things. So, in my mind, if I had to put an answer, I would say if we removed all pornography from the world, would things get better? I would say yes, but that’s because of the way pornography is right now. The reason removing it would be better is that it has gotten more toxic. As pornography becomes more harmful, it morphs and transforms into something that exacerbates these issues.

=> 01:41:15

Pornography may be a symptom of deeper societal issues, but its toxic evolution is impacting relationships and mental health in ways we can't ignore.

The issue at hand is multifactorial, but generally speaking, people are watching way more porn, and relationships are getting worse. We are witnessing declining birth rates and individuals getting married later. There appears to be a kind of global Zeitgeist problem between men and women, and pornography is correlated with these two trends. In my mind, if I had to provide an answer, I would say that if we removed all pornography from the world, things would get better. This perspective stems from the current state of pornography, which I believe has become increasingly toxic.

As pornography becomes more harmful and transforms into something more damaging, removing it should lead to improvements. This is inevitable due to the way the brain works; we tend to seek more extreme content. If you start with a certain type of pornography, you will eventually gravitate towards more extreme forms. However, I would argue that for some individuals, it might be worse if pornography were removed. For those exploring ideas, desires, and fantasies outside the heteronormative male-dominant pornography that predominates, the internet has provided significant benefits. Today, they have access to different role models, stories, and representations, as well as sex education that is not confined to a heteronormative script.

People often discuss that sexual debut is defined through penetrative sex, but that is not necessarily true. What did we do before pornography existed? Were we struggling in the bedroom? I believe that people were more open about sexuality in the past. The frigidness around sexuality is a modern concept. In ancient civilizations, people openly watched others have sex, albeit in a less accessible manner than the extreme content we see today.

We are in a maturing process regarding online pornography, which is still relatively new. Society has not engaged in extensive discussions about it, making conversations like the one we are having now essential. I agree that while we see the rise of various issues concurrently, if we were to eliminate pornography, would people simply turn to something else? It raises the question of whether it is a chicken or the egg scenario. Pornography is likely not the sole cause of these problems; it is multifactorial. Would people then turn to platforms like OnlyFans instead of traditional porn? OnlyFans can encompass a variety of experiences, including live interactions with individuals.

Alternatively, could we see a shift towards AI robots for sexual experiences, gaming addiction, or other forms of addiction such as gambling, recreational drugs, or alcohol? Thus, it seems that pornography is more of a symptom of a broader set of societal challenges. People often use it for emotional regulation, as described by Dr. K. While it is easily accessible and free, I believe that there is a larger underlying issue that people use pornography to avoid confronting.

To counter this perspective, I would argue that people have drugs of choice when it comes to addictions. Therefore, I disagree with the notion that pornography would be completely replaced by another form of addiction. The way pornography affects the brain is unique compared to video games. We are also witnessing a rise in video game addiction, social media addiction, and pornography addiction. Depending on individual makeup, one may be more vulnerable to pornography than social media. For those seeking a parasocial relationship without the sexual component, social media may become addictive. Conversely, when the sexual component is present, individuals may become addicted to pornography. Thus, I believe this issue is complex and multifaceted.

=> 01:45:28

As technology evolves, our relationship with intimacy is at risk; without checks and balances, we may find ourselves choosing virtual connections over real human relationships.

The discussion around drugs of choice in the context of addiction highlights the unique effects of pornography on the brain compared to other forms of media, such as video games. While there is a growing concern about the rise in video game addiction, social media addiction, and pornography addiction, it is essential to recognize that individuals may be more vulnerable to one type of addiction over another based on their personal makeup. For instance, someone might develop an addiction to social media when seeking a parasocial relationship that lacks a sexual component, whereas another individual may become addicted to pornography when that sexual element is present.

The physiological aspects of sexuality and relationships are fundamental to human life and mating, making it a dangerous thing to hijack. Although removing pornography might have some effect, it is crucial to understand that this issue extends beyond just one form of technology. The conversation about banning pornography is complex, as it reflects a broader concern about how humanity is developing technologies without fully realizing their implications. The situation can be likened to introducing an invasive species into an ecosystem, where there are no checks and balances in place.

For example, in Australia, the introduction of rabbits has led to significant ecological disruption. Similarly, the proliferation of pornography has altered societal norms and behaviors, leading to alarming statistics, such as 40% of women being coerced into asphyxiation in college settings. This raises critical questions about how society has reached this point and what the future holds, especially with the advent of new technologies like virtual reality and AI.

Recent advancements in AI, particularly in large language models, allow for remarkably personalized interactions that were not possible before. When combined with virtual reality and robotics, these technologies can create immersive experiences that may feel more fulfilling than real-life relationships. A study conducted in 2020 found that virtual reality porn made participants feel more desired, flirted with, and connected to the actresses involved. As pornography becomes more immersive, it is likely to become increasingly addictive, posing a challenge to genuine human relationships.

To address these concerns, society must prioritize relationships with other human beings and consider whether banning technologies like virtual AI porn is a viable solution. There are already websites that allow users to create their own digital partners, referred to as Digi sexuals, where individuals can customize personality traits, physical preferences, and sexual fantasies. These platforms claim to improve communication by remembering previous interactions, catering to users' desires. However, while these digital entities can simulate conversation, they lack the physical touch and emotional connection that real human interactions provide.

The implications of these developments are profound, and they raise existential questions about the future of the human race. As we confront challenges such as climate change, nuclear war, and potential pandemics, the rise of technology that replaces human intimacy may lead us toward an uncertain future.

=> 01:49:10

The rise of immersive technology is making real relationships feel less appealing, and if we don’t teach the next generation the value of human connection, we might be flirting with the end of the human race.

The discussion revolves around sexual fantasies that individuals want to see performed, which are becoming increasingly popular. According to the websites that create these sexual characters, one of the great advantages is that they remember all of your previous conversations. This feature allows them to improve communication and cater to your desires, effectively speaking to what you want. However, it's important to note that these characters can't touch you, hug you, or kiss you, whereas sexual robots can.

While this may sound extreme, there is a concern about the potential implications of such technology. As we consider the end of the human race in light of issues like climate change, nuclear war, or antibiotic-resistant superbugs, there is a small chance that something like this could contribute to that end. The immersive nature of technology and the virtual world is becoming more appealing than real-life interactions. For instance, comparing OnlyFans to a real relationship highlights that, in the former, the person is financially invested in not upsetting you. In contrast, a real relationship involves a human being with her own thoughts, feelings, and desires, which can be frustrating for many.

Currently, AI girlfriends are just the beginning. They aim to fulfill desires, but as technology evolves, someone will likely discover that a random reinforcement schedule—where the virtual girlfriend occasionally frustrates you—could create a more addictive experience. This concept is rooted in gambling psychology, where the unpredictability of rewards can lead to addiction. This is also why video games, like Fortnite, are addictive; players lose most of the time but experience a significant dopamine surge when they win, reinforcing their engagement.

The development of this technology dates back to the early 2000s, initially for medical purposes. For example, haptic feedback gloves were created for clinics in remote areas to assist in medical examinations, such as breast cancer detection. In this setup, a doctor in one location could perform an exam while another doctor, wearing a glove, could feel the same sensations. Now, as we combine haptic feedback with sexually assistive devices, there is a concern that these technologies could lead to a scenario where individuals prefer virtual interactions over real human connections.

The potential for this technology to contribute to the end of the human race is alarming. If people can receive touch and emotional engagement from a virtual partner who occasionally throws a tantrum, they might question the need for real human relationships. While the idea of "makeup sex" can be appealing, the implications of relying on technology for intimacy are troubling.

To counteract these trends, it is crucial to actively teach future generations that relationships are hard but worth it. We need to instill the value of human connections, procreation, and the challenges that come with them. This will require effort and checks and balances to ensure that younger individuals appreciate the significance of real relationships in their lives.

=> 01:52:47

Relationships are tough, but teaching the next generation their value is essential for our survival.

Why bother with another human when I can get touch and I can get activated? You can get irritated every so often, which makes it so much sweeter, right? Makeup sex is great. However, the end of the human race is scary. I don't want to go there. I think we have to actively work at it. We have to teach our children that relationships are hard and worth it. It has its challenges; it's really hard. But I think it’s going to be a challenge, and we have to have some checks and balances. We, on our own, have to work in our own little microcosm to try to continually have the younger generation see the value of relationships and procreation because that's on the decline.

Don't people in life typically just go for the path of least resistance when left to their own devices? I was thinking about when I was in primary school. They came in and taught me about your five a day—like you’re meant to have five fruits and vegetables a day. But if they tell you that information and then put you in a food environment where every shop is selling candy and processed foods, it becomes a challenge. It’s more nutritious for my brain to spike, and it doesn’t matter if I know I should fight for fruit and vegetables. We still have this obesity crisis. If you went up to the average American and asked what food is healthy, I think a good proportion of them would be able to say what's healthy and what's not. However, if you ask them what they consume, it’s a very different answer, irrespective of pricing.

In a more stressed world than ever before, your brain is really driving you. I find myself picking up soda, and I think about the same in pornography. We can know something is not good for us, but if it's readily available and low friction to access, the incentives are going to win out over the long term. I think about this in company culture. I say to people all the time, as a CEO, you can stand there and tell your group of people how you want the team to behave. However, it’s really naive to assume that over any long period of time, people will act outside of their incentives. You can say, "I want you guys to innovate," but if your job description literally rewards you for doing your current job and your bonuses are tied to that, you’re going to do your current job regardless of what the CEO is barking at you.

I think about the same in porn; we can't just rely on telling people that it’s bad. People do things for delayed gratification. We went to medical school, and there is a lot of delayed gratification in that process. You're a CEO, you're a producer—these are not easy things to start. You do it because you know there’s potential reward at the end of it. There is human psychology at play here, and I’m sure Dr. K can talk more about that. You can foster this appreciation for delayed gratification. When you eat well, when you eat greens, etc., you feel much better, and that gives you energy, encouraging you to keep going.

The obesity stats in the U.S. are horrifying, particularly in a country where we emphasize education. We tried that in school; I was told that vegetables are good. Yet, the obesity stats since the time I was in school have just gone in one direction. Perhaps it’s about the practice; we have to learn how to get into the right practice of things. This raises a question: is it the individual who has to find this discipline or self-control, or do we need to put things in place at a social level to make the environment easier to operate in?

A couple of thoughts on this: the first is that the answer to that question, which we learn in medical school, is that there’s never an either-or situation. The answer is always both; it’s always multifactorial. When I think about my life's work, I work on the individual level. So when you ask me if we should ban something, I’m not sure. My thought is that we have to save a couple of people. The good news about the human race dying out is that if a couple of people continue to have sex with each other, then all the people who are vulnerable to AI relationships will actually not procreate, and humanity will survive. So maybe we’re okay. However, I think that the other thing you have to keep in mind is...

=> 01:56:12

The essence of being human is the daily battle against our impulses; it's a struggle for self-control in a world that constantly tempts us to give in.

I have a couple of thoughts regarding the complexities of human behavior and societal issues. The first is that, as we learn in medical school, there's never an either-or situation; the answer is always both. It’s always multifactorial. When I consider my life's work, I focus on the individual level. So when you ask me if we should ban something, my response is uncertain because I believe we need to save a couple of people. The good news about the human race potentially dying out is that if a few people continue to have sex with each other, then those who are vulnerable to AI relationships will not procreate, and humanity will survive. So, maybe we’re okay.

However, I think we must also keep in mind a more spiritual perspective. I agree that there is an obesity crisis, and it seems we often treat human beings like the lowest common denominator. For instance, we assume that if we give people broccoli and cookies, they will choose cookies. Yet, as Dr. Malik pointed out, the audience for this podcast is not interested in eating cookies. There is a significant appetite for knowledge and education, which is evident in the explosion of podcasts. People have tried to educate kids in school, and we have organically discovered that there is a different way to communicate information that creates behavioral change.

This leads to the observation that while the world has seen an increase in obesity due to the availability of calorically dense food, we are now witnessing the highest amount of whole grain advertisement that we've ever seen before. Now that we recognize it as a problem, humanity is fighting back.

Another point I want to make is about what separates human beings from animals. This is more of a spiritual perspective, and perhaps a more competent biologist might disagree, but I believe that human beings are the only species on the planet that can run against our programming. The fascinating aspect of being human is that while my brain may drive me in one direction, I can consciously decide to resist that impulse.

For example, I recall watching a TikTok about a vegan dog. Someone claimed their dog was vegan and didn’t even like food. They conducted an experiment where the dog was presented with a piece of meat and a piece of some corn-broccoli chowder. Despite having never eaten meat for two years, the dog sniffed both and chose the meat. This illustrates that animals may not be able to regulate their impulses in the same way that humans can.

Why have human beings dominated the planet? It’s because when we feel like having a cookie, we often choose broccoli instead. When we feel like yelling at someone, we restrain ourselves. There may be deeper biological and evolutionary factors at play, but I encourage each of you to reflect on your experiences. When you have an impulse, does that impulse control you, or can you fight back? I fight against my impulses, and I believe that’s a fundamental part of the human experience.

Every day, we strive to learn how to improve our impulse control. For instance, when it comes to food, there’s a part of me that recognizes that what my tongue desires might not be good for me in the long run. This brings me to the question of how many of our impulses do we actually think we are winning the fight against. I would argue that we are losing most of those battles.

In fact, the very reason we are all sitting here could be seen as us following our impulses. The rise in social media usage reflects our struggle with impulse control, as does the increase in global obesity rates. The same can be said for the rise in pornography, gaming, gambling, and alcohol consumption. These trends indicate that we are losing our fight against our impulses.

However, I believe we are getting better at self-control. While it may seem like we are losing the war, human beings' self-control is increasing. The reason we feel like we are losing right now is that the enemy—our impulses—is developing better and better weapons. Technology is becoming increasingly sophisticated, and so is pornography.

=> 02:00:00

We're losing the battle against our impulses, but the fight is sparking a movement of awareness and self-control like never before.

Much of the fights against our impulses can be observed in various aspects of modern life. In fact, the very fact that we're all sat here is probably us following our impulses. The rise in social media usage is indicative of us being a slave to our impulses. Similarly, the rise in obesity globally reflects our failure in the fight against these impulses. The rise in pornography, gaming, gambling, and alcohol consumption also signifies our struggle with self-control.

However, I believe that alcoholic people and society as a whole are getting better at managing these impulses. While it may sound wild, I think we're improving. Yes, we might feel like we're losing the war against our impulses right now, but human beings' self-control is increasing. The reason we perceive ourselves as losing is that the enemy—our impulses—is coming up with better and better weapons. Technology is becoming more sophisticated; pornography is getting sophisticated, social media is evolving, and yet, in some ways, the human race is collapsing.

Despite this, I see evidence that we are operating at some of the best levels we ever have. For instance, the top search trends show a desire for change, such as "how do I quit pornography?" This indicates that there is a movement on a humanity level where we are collectively saying, "we need to start fighting back." This podcast itself is a consequence of that fight.

So, are we losing the war? Yes, but I think we've been caught by surprise. We got caught with our pants down, which may be a weird analogy in this context. Nonetheless, I agree that there are many reasons to be scared, but the reason people pay attention to voices like mine, Dr. Malik's, and Erica's is because we are fighting back.

Stephen, this is brilliant. Here you are, asking us the tough questions. While it may seem like we're all screwed and doomed, you have become so sophisticated in your questioning that you are pulling out the strongest messages of hope that the three of us can muster. You keep asking these pessimistic questions, yet you are figuring out how to give people hope.

It takes people who are figuring out how this works, perhaps controlling their impulses. I have to represent the opposite of whatever you say; if you say left, I'll say right. This is a beautiful dynamic. Think about it: when you were at school, did anyone ever tell you there was a conflict between broccoli and cookies? No, they simply said to eat broccoli. As a human race, we have figured out that we need to represent both sides of the conflict to get the best out of ourselves. This principle is also critical in addiction treatment; you can't just tell someone it’s good; you have to weigh the good against the bad.

Regarding the question of whether there is such a thing as too much porn, Dr. Reena suggests that it really comes down to how you feel about it. In all the data about problematic porn use, it appears that those who feel bad about their usage—thinking, "Oh, I really don't like how much I use it"—probably do use too much. Conversely, if you use it and don't feel bad about it, and you can still go to work and maintain your relationships, then it may not be a problem. Usually, if you feel something is wrong, then abstaining or trying a different alternative may be beneficial.

To conclude, if I made you Prime Minister or President of the United Kingdom, and you had to put legislation in place to make our relationship with pornography healthier, what would you do? Dr. Reena responds that this is a tough question. She suggests implementing mandatory self-analysis of porn use, where everyone would periodically assess their usage objectively—not by watching porn, but by looking at how many hours they use it and how often.

Frequency is not always related to problems, but it is a measurable marker. If someone’s usage crosses a certain threshold, they could receive a warning, prompting them to consider whether they are experiencing difficulties in relationships or other areas of life. This could hopefully alert individuals to red flags and encourage them to seek assistance.

What about you, Dr. K? Honestly, I would resign as the first thing I would do. But if you're asking for more...

=> 02:03:42

Regularly assessing your porn use can reveal important insights about your relationships and emotional health. It's time to prioritize social and emotional skills training in schools to help young people navigate these challenges.

The analysis of your porn use is something that everyone should undertake periodically. This allows individuals to look at their usage objectively—not just in terms of watching porn, but by assessing how many hours they use it and how often. While frequency is not always indicative of a problem, it serves as a measurable marker. If someone exhibits a high frequency of use, it could prompt a warning, asking them if they are still finding joy in their relationships or if they are experiencing difficulties. This could hopefully raise red flags for those who may need assistance, leading to some form of intervention.

Regarding policy changes, Dr. K suggests that the first step would be to resign from the current approach. However, if asked for a specific policy change, he emphasizes the need for social and emotional skills training for all children. He believes it is crucial to reevaluate what is taught in schools today. In a time when knowledge and information are easily accessible, the traditional focus on memorizing facts—such as the capital of a state or country—has become less relevant. Instead, schools should prioritize teaching students how to regulate their emotions and form connections with others. These skills are vital, as emotional dysregulation often leads to addiction and media overconsumption. Young people should also be educated about the messages conveyed through media, helping them decode what they are watching.

Dr. K also believes that porn should be behind a payment barrier and advocates for better sexual education as part of this mandate.

Finally, the discussion touches on an important topic that was not sufficiently addressed: how pornography changes our body images. There is a significant number of individuals, particularly men, who feel pressured to increase their penile length, while women may seek procedures like labiaplasty to conform to unrealistic standards often seen in pornography. This can lead to dissatisfaction, shame, and issues such as small penis anxiety, which can be detrimental to mental health. The focus on size can lead individuals to ruminate on their anatomy, potentially causing harm in their attempts to conform to the exaggerated standards set by pornography actors, who often represent extreme variations of size that are not typical.

While there is a consensus on the negative impacts of pornography on body image, there are also voices of skepticism regarding the extent of these effects. Some individuals question the narrative that porn creates unrealistic body expectations, suggesting that the conversation around this topic could benefit from a more nuanced exploration.

=> 02:07:25

Small penis anxiety is real and can lead to harmful behaviors, fueled by unrealistic portrayals in porn and societal pressures.

Small penis anxiety is a real issue that can be very detrimental to individuals. Many people are so focused on the size of their penis that they end up ruminating about it, which can potentially lead to harmful behaviors in an attempt to increase penile size. This is a significant concern, especially considering that individuals often compare themselves to pornography actors who typically fall on the higher end of the size spectrum. Such comparisons can create unrealistic expectations, as what they see is not representative of normal anatomy, which can be potentially harmful.

While I partly agree with this perspective, I also hear many people claim that pornography creates unexpected ideas about bodies. However, I am somewhat suspicious of this notion. If we look at fashion, for instance, it often presents even more unrealistic standards. In pornography today, there is a wide variety of body types, ages, and appearances being represented. Thus, I believe that the statement regarding the negative impact of porn on body image may be outdated.

We know that small penis anxiety exists, and many people are concerned about it. For example, my highest viewed video is about increasing penile length, which has garnered over 30 million views. This indicates that it is clearly a topic of interest. While it is not solely derived from pornography, it is true that individuals often see larger sizes represented in that medium. Although there are various body types represented in porn, men may perceive a narrower range of sizes compared to women.

When discussing the role of size in adult film work, I asked Erica if she uses large penises in her productions. She clarified that she does not choose performers based on size; rather, she looks for personality traits. Erica emphasized that she seeks out individuals who feel like real people, valuing beauty, energy, passion, and chemistry over size. However, she acknowledged that many performers tend to have slightly larger penises than what is considered average. The average erect penis length is about 5.1 to 5.5 inches.

There is indeed a gap in perception regarding average penis size. Studies show that both genders tend to overestimate average penile length. People often misjudge sizes, with some estimating a five-and-a-half-inch penis as being six inches, demonstrating variability in perception. Generally, those who aspire to be male performers may believe they have larger penises, which can contribute to these misconceptions.

Another aspect to consider is the duration of sexual intercourse. There are disparities between how long people think sex should last and the frequency with which they believe they should engage in it, leading to dissatisfaction in relationships. The average time to ejaculation for men is about five to six minutes, while the average time for women to reach orgasm during partnered intercourse is about 14 minutes. This disparity highlights the need to prioritize female partners to ensure they can reach climax, although it is important to note that not all relationships require orgasm for a fulfilling experience.

In discussing average sexual intercourse duration, it is often surprising to learn that it typically lasts only three to seven minutes. Interestingly, about 50% of women prefer not to engage in sex that lasts longer than 15 minutes. This insight into preferences can help address misconceptions about sexual satisfaction and duration.

=> 02:11:23

Real intimacy isn't about the length of time; it's about connection and understanding what your partner truly desires.

In discussing the dynamics of sexual relationships, it is important to stimulate the female partner a little longer. There is a common misconception that sexual intercourse lasts longer than it typically does; in reality, the average duration is three to seven minutes. Interestingly, about 50% of women express that they do not want sex to last longer than 15 minutes. This highlights a significant gap between perception and reality, especially when considering the portrayal of sexual encounters in media.

Many people are unaware of the average time it takes for both female and male orgasms. While there are various representations in films and pornography, the reality is that women often start complaining after just 50 seconds of sexual activity. This discrepancy can lead to feelings of shame and unrealistic expectations regarding body image and sexual performance. Such feelings may drive individuals to seek out pornography or products that promise to enhance their sexual experiences, which can perpetuate a cycle of dissatisfaction.

To address these issues, it may be beneficial to create pornography that is more reflective of reality. For instance, films could be 3 to 5 minutes long for men and 14 minutes for women. Furthermore, it is crucial to represent a variety of body types in adult content. This brings to mind the broccoli and cookie analogy, emphasizing the need for diversity in body representation.

An interesting experience shared was attending a coed sauna in Europe, where the majority of attendees were 60 years and older. This exposure to a range of naked bodies provided a new perspective on body image. The problem lies in the fact that we typically only see two types of naked bodies: our own and those that are highly curated or produced. If a porn film were to feature more realistic bodies, one might wonder if it would be commercially viable.

In response to this, it was noted that a film featuring a couple over 70 years old was quite successful, indicating a market for more diverse representations. However, the mainstream industry often favors idyllic bodies, as evidenced by the popularity of certain types of content on streaming platforms. While there are categories for different body types, the majority of popular content tends to align with conventional beauty standards.

When asked whether a business would be more or less successful if it reflected societal diversity in body types, the response was nuanced. Although there is a desire for beauty in adult content, it does not necessarily equate to the stereotypical model-like figures. The question of whether platforms like Netflix or Vogue magazine are truly reflective of society remains complex. Ultimately, the challenge lies in balancing the representation of beauty with the reality of diverse body types and experiences in both media and sexual relationships.

=> 02:15:29

Embrace the diversity of desire; real connections go beyond stereotypes and reflect the beauty of authenticity.

The conversation has shifted away from the core desire of connecting people and has moved towards a preference for certain types of individuals. The question arises: would your business be more or less successful if the bodies were reflective of society and the penises were reflective of society? In my case, I don't think so. I believe we already showcase a great diversity of people. Is it reflective of society? 100% not, but who truly is? Is Netflix reflective of society? Is Vogue magazine reflective of society? I mean, we tend to look for beauty in some form, but beauty doesn't mean stereotyped model-like people.

To add to this, I challenge the premise of the question slightly. While I understand the point being made, it's important to note that amateur porn is on the rise. When we consider that OnlyFans made 6.6 billion, a significant appeal of OnlyFans is that it features much more normal-looking people. Therefore, when we evaluate the success of a business, we must recognize that there is a varied market; people are looking for different things. This trend is evident as porn becomes highly produced, yet there is a paradoxical upswing in amateur content on platforms like OnlyFans, where individuals often resemble the "girl next door" in a heteronormative context.

Moreover, as we witness the growth of short-form content, there is also an explosion in podcasts, indicating a diverse consumer base. While I was listening, I looked at the top 10 earners on OnlyFans, and I must say, none of them look like they reflect the average person. It's crucial to consider the percentage of revenue generated by the top earners compared to the rest. We need to analyze whether the top 10 earners account for 50% of the revenue, or if there is a broader distribution among other creators. This statistic is essential for understanding the platform's dynamics.

From our observations, people frequently search for real sex on our sites, indicating a strong interest in authenticity. I also explored PornHub, and upon reviewing the most viewed porn stars, I found that none of them look like the average person. The top performers seem to resemble mannequins rather than everyday individuals.

As we move towards closing statements, I would like to start with Dr. Reena Malik. What are your closing thoughts for the diverse audience that may have clicked on this video for various reasons, including parents and young men who often seek your guidance? Dr. K, what would your message be for them, especially considering that we have many listeners in government, including doctors and members of Parliament?

My closing thoughts are to invest in education about your body and about sex. This could mean learning about your anatomy and understanding what real sex entails. This knowledge is of paramount importance for fostering successful relationships with yourself and your partners. It allows you to enjoy sex and use pornography out of curiosity rather than boredom.

I would add that your body is learning all the time. While we often discuss the negative effects of pornography, it can also serve as a force for good. It's essential to understand what pornography is doing for you and to explore the roots of your relationship with it. Recognizing that pornography doesn't have to be a negative influence is crucial. It’s all about how you relate to it. Consider how you can utilize it in a healthier way, and if you are a consumer, think critically about what you are engaging with.

=> 02:19:16

Understanding your relationship with pornography can transform it from a source of shame to a tool for empowerment and connection.

Curiosity and not boredom should drive our exploration of topics like pornography. It's essential to remember that your body is learning all the time. While we often discuss the negative effects of pornography, it is crucial to start by understanding what pornography is doing for you and the root of your relationship with it. I genuinely believe that pornography can be a force for good. Many reasons for watching it, such as transitioning to erotic film or using it within a sexual relationship, do not have to be negative. It all depends on how you relate to it.

Consider how you can utilize pornography in a healthier way. If you are a consumer, reflect on what you are watching. Look for an about page—can you learn anything about the company, directors, producers, or performers? Watching behind-the-scenes footage can also help you feel aligned with the values of those creating the content. Remember, not all porn is monolithic; there are many different kinds out there, and numerous great people work in this industry to promote sex positivity and a better acceptance of our desires and fantasies.

We have discussed pornography broadly, but I want to highlight the importance of platforms like OnlyFans. This platform allows adult performers to have a safer way to earn money, moving away from the more dangerous escorting industry. This shift provides greater safety for behaviors that will occur regardless of any bans in place.

As we conclude, we have a tradition on this podcast where the last guest leaves a question for the next guest. However, since the last guest was you, I will skip that and instead ask you all a question individually: What can you do to improve humanity and the life of all the people that are listening?

I believe that continuing to educate and empower people about their bodies and how they can relate to the opposite sex is vital for having a satisfying sex life. It's not merely an extracurricular activity; it's part of our innate biology and is both important and valuable.

Moreover, I think that showing up is the most crucial thing we can do. Decisions are made by those who show up, and the majority of people I work with often struggle with this. Connecting with others on a deep level and daring to have difficult conversations is essential. Many people today are afraid of being wrong, which can prevent them from forming deeper connections.

Erica, your point about being okay with being wrong is significant. Many avoid conversations because they are ideologically attached to certain positions, often influenced by their jobs or incentive structures. It’s important to engage in open, nuanced discussions, as we have today, to learn about different perspectives and break down ideological walls. Progress often occurs through a conflict of ideas, not to prove someone wrong, but to foster understanding and advancement.

This conversation has been enlightening for me. My opinion on pornography has shifted; I now have a more contextual understanding of the industry. Thank you all for your time today. It has been inspiring and enlightening to gather these perspectives and reform my opinion on the subject matter. On behalf of my audience, I appreciate all of you.

You know, every single conversation I have here on the D CEO ends with a question from the guest, which we have turned into conversation cards for you to play at home. Each card features a question from our guests, and by scanning the QR code on the back, you can watch the person who answered that question. The brand new version of our updated conversation cards is available now at TheonConversationCards.com. They have sold out twice already, so if you're interested in getting some limited edition cards, I recommend acting quickly.